Can't Seem To Stick To My Ground
Member
Thread Starter
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SPLENDORA,TX
Posts: 24
Can't Seem To Stick To My Ground
Hey All, I Haven't Wriiten In Awhile. I Have Been Trying To Figure All This Marriage Stuff Out. My Husband Has Been Addicted To Muscle Relaxers And Other Similar Pills For A Few Years Now. He Claims To Be "sober" Since December. But, We Have Another Totaled Car. And He Claims It Was Because Of A Tire Blow Out. But I Know Better. I Told Him 2 Weeks Ago He Needed To Move Out. He Even Went And Looked At Apartments. But He Is Still At Home. He Claims That If He Moves Out He Will Kill Himself, Cause He Thinks I Will Never Get Back With Him. Then He Starts Giving Me The Tears And The Sad Story That He Doesn't Want His Kids To Call Someone Else Daddy And He Can't Stand The Idea Of Me Being With Someone Else. But I Keep Telling Him That I Am Not Even Thinking About That Kind Of Stuff. Anyhow, I Eventually Agree To Let Him Stay. But He Has Been On The Couch. And Every Day I Am Finding More And More Things About Him I Don't Like. My Mom Asked Me The Otherday If Those Things Have Always Been There Or If They Are Just Starting. I Told Her That I Think They Have Been There, I Just Have Been Tolerating Or Over Looking Them. I Really Believe That I Would Be Happier If He Was Gone, But I Can't Have On My Conscience If He Does Harm To Himself. I Know I Need To Get Over That And Let Him Do What He Is Going To Do, But It Is Very Hard. It Is Very Hard To See The Man I Once Admired And Was Deeply In Love With Cry. I Do Care And Love Him, Just Not In Love Any More. I Don't Know What To Do.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i am so sorry 2carebears
the only thing that i can suggest to you is what was suggested to me, and that is to be true to yourself.
i heard the same kind of stuff from my ah, and i did the same thing as you, but it came down to the point where it was either him or my sanity, and i HAD to choose my sanity. i began to see him as trying to manipulate me into excepting his behavior, but you never know, thats the hard part for me. i hated to hear the threats and promises and see the tears, too.
i know its hard but you can try to continue to seperate yourself emotionally and financially if youre not quite ready to do it physically. so far, you sound like youre doing good at doing that, so the rest would be up to you. when the time comes and you feel the need to do it physically, you'll know and the tears won't matter as much, jmop. keeping you and your family in my prayers.
the only thing that i can suggest to you is what was suggested to me, and that is to be true to yourself.
i heard the same kind of stuff from my ah, and i did the same thing as you, but it came down to the point where it was either him or my sanity, and i HAD to choose my sanity. i began to see him as trying to manipulate me into excepting his behavior, but you never know, thats the hard part for me. i hated to hear the threats and promises and see the tears, too.
i know its hard but you can try to continue to seperate yourself emotionally and financially if youre not quite ready to do it physically. so far, you sound like youre doing good at doing that, so the rest would be up to you. when the time comes and you feel the need to do it physically, you'll know and the tears won't matter as much, jmop. keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
The first time I recieved a phone of a suicide threat,
It knid of messed up my day, i couldn't focus or do my work.
Basically, drove me out of my freaken mind.
I just ask people to pray for her.
We were seperated at the time, and I was into the moving on
mode. She basically force her way back into my life.
Show up to my work, break into my apt. More suicide threats.
It was a living hell, there were brief moments of peace and
she did started attending AA again. She got well....well enough
to go out and do it again.
I had a general chart of what happens to people when they're in their
addictions. Different stages and what have ya.
Suicide is at the bottom of the scale. With this forsight, it didn't
help me to stop enabling her. All the damn guilt run through my vains.
What if i could have done this or that.....
Will....yeah...., imagain that. All the damn wreackage. easier to just
run away instead of dealing with it.
With all the damn wreakage...i started thinking about an easy way
myself. (my co-dependency bottom)
Ultimately the same cycle would have to play itself
out again a year later. The sheit hit, hit the fan again.
It took everything out of me to let go. i got well.
Well , enough to do the same thing again.lol
Did i go to the recue again ?....yes.
There's a big arss bubble around me thou.
Plus her failing heath just leaves her limited options.
She needed professional help.
I'm not picking up the pieces for her.
It's peaceful at the moment. She's not using, I'm not using
We're both working our program
That my ESH
I'm sorry for your pain
If your partner is not in any type of recovery program. it's just plain madness.
Perhaps a 6-12 month in house program might establish a foundation.
In the mean time do seek help for yourself.
It knid of messed up my day, i couldn't focus or do my work.
Basically, drove me out of my freaken mind.
I just ask people to pray for her.
We were seperated at the time, and I was into the moving on
mode. She basically force her way back into my life.
Show up to my work, break into my apt. More suicide threats.
It was a living hell, there were brief moments of peace and
she did started attending AA again. She got well....well enough
to go out and do it again.
I had a general chart of what happens to people when they're in their
addictions. Different stages and what have ya.
Suicide is at the bottom of the scale. With this forsight, it didn't
help me to stop enabling her. All the damn guilt run through my vains.
What if i could have done this or that.....
Will....yeah...., imagain that. All the damn wreackage. easier to just
run away instead of dealing with it.
With all the damn wreakage...i started thinking about an easy way
myself. (my co-dependency bottom)
Ultimately the same cycle would have to play itself
out again a year later. The sheit hit, hit the fan again.
It took everything out of me to let go. i got well.
Well , enough to do the same thing again.lol
Did i go to the recue again ?....yes.
There's a big arss bubble around me thou.
Plus her failing heath just leaves her limited options.
She needed professional help.
I'm not picking up the pieces for her.
It's peaceful at the moment. She's not using, I'm not using
We're both working our program
That my ESH
I'm sorry for your pain
If your partner is not in any type of recovery program. it's just plain madness.
Perhaps a 6-12 month in house program might establish a foundation.
In the mean time do seek help for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
It's nice to meet you!
Those feeling's that you are experiencing are ALL real and normal. You may have just hit your "rock bottom" in the relationship. Whether he stay's or goes it's entirely up to you.. but if aslong as he's on the couch, you may want to consider councelling.
All his threat's are not his own. My AH threatened to kill himself, along with other "guilt trip" nonsence when I told him I was leaving with our son. So far he is in therapy, and on his 12 step program, and finally has dreams of his own. Now I "should" be excited and wanting to go back.. but I'm not. I still feel how I did 3 weeks ago when I left.
Was I really In love with him? Hmmm... I'm not sure if I just saw the "potential" in him. He was an addict when we met, married and had our son.
Do I even know the man? No not really, he has been hiding from himself for year's, how could have he even shown me?
Has he ALWAY'S drove me nut's this way? Yes. I have been just trying to change the man for 7 years.
Do I care for him? Absolutely. He is my son's father, and I DO care about his well being. I wish him everything life has to offer. But "I" can no longer play this guessing game of "what if" any longer. I cannot predict 1 year or even 5 year's from now.. that's why it's day by day.
What ever choice you make, be true to yourself. Look deep within your heart and take deep breaths. What do you need in your life to make it everything you dreamed? How do you need to live your life to make it healthy and warm for yourself and your child?
Big hugs!!!
Those feeling's that you are experiencing are ALL real and normal. You may have just hit your "rock bottom" in the relationship. Whether he stay's or goes it's entirely up to you.. but if aslong as he's on the couch, you may want to consider councelling.
All his threat's are not his own. My AH threatened to kill himself, along with other "guilt trip" nonsence when I told him I was leaving with our son. So far he is in therapy, and on his 12 step program, and finally has dreams of his own. Now I "should" be excited and wanting to go back.. but I'm not. I still feel how I did 3 weeks ago when I left.
Was I really In love with him? Hmmm... I'm not sure if I just saw the "potential" in him. He was an addict when we met, married and had our son.
Do I even know the man? No not really, he has been hiding from himself for year's, how could have he even shown me?
Has he ALWAY'S drove me nut's this way? Yes. I have been just trying to change the man for 7 years.
Do I care for him? Absolutely. He is my son's father, and I DO care about his well being. I wish him everything life has to offer. But "I" can no longer play this guessing game of "what if" any longer. I cannot predict 1 year or even 5 year's from now.. that's why it's day by day.
What ever choice you make, be true to yourself. Look deep within your heart and take deep breaths. What do you need in your life to make it everything you dreamed? How do you need to live your life to make it healthy and warm for yourself and your child?
Big hugs!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SPLENDORA,TX
Posts: 24
Mavis, You Are So Right. I Have Been With My Hubby For 8 Years, Married 7. And He Has Told Me He Has Been On And Off Pills For The Past 4-5 Years. So Do I Really Know Hiim.? I Don't Know, But I Do Know I Don't Know Myself Anymore. I Also Know That I Don't Like Who I Am With My Kids. I Know What I Need To Do, Its Just Doing It And Sticking To It That I Have A Problem With. My Hubby Tries Soo Hard To Win Me Back ( Flowers, Nice, Kisses, Cleans, Helps With Kids) But It Doesn't Really Do Any Good. Its Just Not There For Me Anymore. And I'm Not Sure I Wanna Try To Get It Back. But I Am Also Scared For My Babies (6 & 3) I Want Them To Know There Daddy, And I Am Afraid That If He Leaves He Will Not Be With The Kids Anymore. And They Love Him Soo Much, It Will Hurt Them. So I Guess I Am Torn Between Staying In An Unhappy Marriage For Them, Or Leaving For Me.
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