teke

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Paydays

IF WE DIDN'T NEED THEM, I WOULD HATE THEM.

cinderellawkids

Me too.

Guess what. AH got paid yesterday. He handed me the whole check this morning, his day off, and said go ahead and deposit this and I do not need any money back!!!!!

GwenMarie30

I know what you mean Teke. I hate having any kind of money in my hand. Being an addict its not good for me.

Im very happy for you Cinder! How wonderful. Its sounds like things are moving forward for you and your husband at least today!

Brownie

Teke - Yes my AD payday next week and she needs to budget but how much can she handle after going back in the "program" this week? Should I leave all the counselling to someone else? I'm not wanting here to think she can recover on her own (with just methdadone) when it didn't work before. Is it my place to encourage her to come to SR - I just tell her I get needed support and it could be more comfortable for her if she doesn't want a 122 Step in this small place. I trust you -

cinderellawkids

That is how Im looking at it Gwen, atleast today.
Last SUnday when he got paid and immediately wnated to shop and we spent $200 on groceries, I think filled a void in some way for him. He wanted the cash, he wanted to pay with it, but he didnt want it on him.

One day at a time and today is good. I hope all your paydays go well too

teke

that is so good cinder, sounds like he is really trying to do the right thing, huh? glad to hear that things are working out for ya.


its been awhile now gwen, since money has been a trigger for me. it sure use to be though. in time, i believe that it will get a lot easier for you.

today is rah's payday and i still have to fight the urge to think about it or get nervous considering what his past was like. he now has 3 months clean, but you know how that goes. at least i'm not obsessing about it like in the past. what he does is what he does.

loveon2legs

hello teke,
I remember the same feeling.. I just posted about it........

lotsa love, fellow librian...

Liz

hopeforever

yes payday is always someting im scared of,,,,to not know if my husband will come back home or not,, how he will come,,, what will happen. ohh,.
but now lolwe didnt have any paydas for few months becous my husband was not working,,, but hopefuly will start soon,,, lol were in debt ,, and have litle saving left,, but we take it slowly and try to enjoy simple stuff.. and i know money comes ,, money goes... so i know everything will beok. i hope that when my husband starts to work,, we will pay the debts and will not have to worry about stuff like paydays,, lol.but will live one day a time the most important!!

teke

i don't really know how to answer this for you, brownie.
i think that its what you are comfortable with. i offered it to my ah, after he was reading here anyways. i don't know how much he reads here, usually i don't see him doing it as much, now that he knows that its ok.

i don't think that its your responsibility but if youre ok then if you want to, by all means do so. i posted this question awhile ago, and some seem to feel that this is their private space, but i think that its up to you. i personally, think that it could help more than hurt, but i guess it depends on whether or not you are comfortable with her possibly reading what you post.

also, the aa, na or ca meetings may be a little uncomfortable for her at first, but if she could attend a meeting or two, she may find that its not bad at all. most of the people there, are there for the same thing, addiction. don't nessessarily mean that they all are addicted and there is an anonimony(sp) clause around the program. if i had to do some encourageing, maybe i would try to encourage the aa, na or ca meetings too. maybe if you feel up to it, you could go to one with her or just offer the info.

her recovery is not your responsibility at all. it has to all be what she wants to do. its true that she needs to learn how to budget, for me money was a trigger, but its not your responsibility to keep up with that either. sure would be easier if we could, don't you think?

i guess it all boils down to the decisions that they make. like they say "you can lead a horse to the trough, but you can't make them drink". keeping you and her in my prayers

helpus

I got excited, I thought you guys were talking about the candy bar, nuts!!!

teke

i'm like WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! then i caught on to what you said. sooooooooooo you like paydays, huh? or do you hate em? LOL

helpus

I can take or leave them. But you put a $100,000 bar in fromt of me & I will follow you anywhere.

teke

i guess i'd have to follow you while you follow it. LOL

i think too, if my rah was getting those kinds of paydays, i'd HAVE to follow him too.LOL

helpus

Haaaa !

teke

anvil: i know the feeling about not wanting to be in charge of the finances if i didn't have to be. my rah husband also try to give me the checks and always have except those paydays that he decided not to come home with anything. then i guess when ever he got to thinking about relapsing, he starting accusing me to everybody he knows, saying that i was greedy and was trying to take all of his money. just something to argue about.

thats when the "no money no home" boundary was set in place, and i found a way to become self sufficient, now it matters if he brings money home, but it don't matter, thank god, i can still limitedly handle my own bills without him, if i have to, and that means he can't come here at all. so far, this is what works for me.

so i guess i'm still with my rah on a wkly bases and thats ok for me for today.

cinderellawkids

That is how Im handling it to Teke.