Things I used to do to enable my addict...
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
He made the meals. He taught me photography. He planned the trips and did most of the driving.
He washed his own clothes. He got a carpenter friend to install the new big sliding glass door for very little money. He helped me install two screen doors and two overhead litghts in the kitchen. He helped me paint the inside of the house. He did not like to work... he was really lazyin a lot of ways, but he did do those things.
He made me laugh often (and after my exhusband, who was always depressed and mentally ill this was HUGE).
He expanded my horizons as far as travel goes.. I am not afraid anymore to drive ANYWHERE or travel ANYWHERE.
He introduced me to places I had never been b4.
He encouraged my creative talents.
For those things I loved him and I trusted him..
And then, after all that.. it ALL turned out to be a lie.
I would have merely been hurt (merely?) but then I found out about the cheating and well.. Hell hath no fury like.. etc etc.
If he had only had the courage to sit down and say, b4 he cheated and lied, "Look, I thought this was going to work but its not.... " I never expected anything from him but honesty. I would have LIKED it if he had loved me but I did not really EXPECT it.
Oh yeah.. thats right.. he is AN ADDICT and a LIAR and a CHEAT and I provided a safe and secure place which ENABLED THAT TO CONTINUE....
His loss. Not mine.
PS: Teke, I don't believe you can make me mad... You are honest.
He washed his own clothes. He got a carpenter friend to install the new big sliding glass door for very little money. He helped me install two screen doors and two overhead litghts in the kitchen. He helped me paint the inside of the house. He did not like to work... he was really lazyin a lot of ways, but he did do those things.
He made me laugh often (and after my exhusband, who was always depressed and mentally ill this was HUGE).
He expanded my horizons as far as travel goes.. I am not afraid anymore to drive ANYWHERE or travel ANYWHERE.
He introduced me to places I had never been b4.
He encouraged my creative talents.
For those things I loved him and I trusted him..
And then, after all that.. it ALL turned out to be a lie.
I would have merely been hurt (merely?) but then I found out about the cheating and well.. Hell hath no fury like.. etc etc.
If he had only had the courage to sit down and say, b4 he cheated and lied, "Look, I thought this was going to work but its not.... " I never expected anything from him but honesty. I would have LIKED it if he had loved me but I did not really EXPECT it.
Oh yeah.. thats right.. he is AN ADDICT and a LIAR and a CHEAT and I provided a safe and secure place which ENABLED THAT TO CONTINUE....
His loss. Not mine.
PS: Teke, I don't believe you can make me mad... You are honest.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by Elana 
PS: Teke, I don't believe you can make me mad... You are honest.
elana, i kind of meant it jokingly but i honestly do see why we both, loved addicts, too bad it couldn't have been some other problem, that could have been a little easier to work through. its just so sad. i know that it can't be true, but it seems like for my age, all the good ones must be either dead, in jail, married or addicted. jmop kind of!lol
glad to know that you don't really pay me no mind.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
This thread reminds me of seeing my old best friend yesterday. We were talking about her ex and the chaos and extent of her codependency.
SHe was attracted to him because unlike everyone else in her life he wasnt using, he was 6 months clean. They were together 4 years.
He, to her knowledge never used during that relationship and went to NA 4 nights a week, However, he cheated on her with atleast 8 girls from NA (He now attends SA.) He would get paid Friday and go on sudden unannounced 3 day fishing or hunting trips, come back with little money (but lots of new fishing or hunting equipment.) Work was sporadic.
SHe covered the bills groceries ect. Credit and all was in her name. She was belittled constantly while she did everything in intent to make him happy.
She finally left-by leaving the state for good and not saying goodbye. 4 days later he moved down from up north an active addict stripper and went through a very bad relapse.
This thread is on enabling right......This is my point. Theyve been a part for 6 years he still calls 1x a year and restarts the I love you, Im now through step 6 can we get together again. She's flown him out there, to quickly have him act the same. There are so many ways to enable their issues even when the using stops.
SHe was attracted to him because unlike everyone else in her life he wasnt using, he was 6 months clean. They were together 4 years.
He, to her knowledge never used during that relationship and went to NA 4 nights a week, However, he cheated on her with atleast 8 girls from NA (He now attends SA.) He would get paid Friday and go on sudden unannounced 3 day fishing or hunting trips, come back with little money (but lots of new fishing or hunting equipment.) Work was sporadic.
SHe covered the bills groceries ect. Credit and all was in her name. She was belittled constantly while she did everything in intent to make him happy.
She finally left-by leaving the state for good and not saying goodbye. 4 days later he moved down from up north an active addict stripper and went through a very bad relapse.
This thread is on enabling right......This is my point. Theyve been a part for 6 years he still calls 1x a year and restarts the I love you, Im now through step 6 can we get together again. She's flown him out there, to quickly have him act the same. There are so many ways to enable their issues even when the using stops.
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