lack of family understanding

Old 03-14-2007, 04:24 PM
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lack of family understanding

I have a really wonderful supportive family. Having said that, I just about hung up on my mom a few minutes ago. She says that I am short tempered, and that I should go on a vacation...HELLO...Keith has been gone 6 days, his kids left monday, and I have watched my 16 month old grandson the last 2 nites, after working all day. I am doing things for me, I started walking with my headset for 45 minutes a day and I am feeling physically well. I am also watching what I eat, I had gained a lot of weight in the last year and I want to get it off in a healthy way. I am annoyed at my mom. At one time she really liked Keith but the last year, she thought he was a lazy bum that let me carry more than my share[I thought the same thing]. I know the end of the tape[believe me], but I knew the man that grabbed onto me like a lifeline and loved me, and we had a good 3 years, really good years, boating, fishing all nite, riding bikes, making our house livable,before this change.I really miss him, I heard a truck in the road last nite around 10 and the first thing I thought was that Keith was home...His mom called today, when I got home from work I returned her call. She says she blames herself for his dying, he laid on her floor[sleeping it off], for over 24 hours and she didn't call anyone because she didn't want anyone to know. Believe me, I blamed her at first also, but she didn't kill her son. It was his time to go...I am not looking for sympathy, please don't offer any. Just wanted a safe place to vent where addicts can be loved, mourned, and missed. Marian
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Old 03-14-2007, 04:37 PM
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I also have a good family, but they have not walked in my shoes. I guess I wouldn't expect them to know how I really feel. Love my daughter but hate the addiction. Sounds like you are doing a great job for yourself. Good to hear that you are doing OK.
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Old 03-14-2007, 04:46 PM
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Old 03-14-2007, 07:14 PM
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Vent away...
Sending prayers for peace and clarity
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Old 03-14-2007, 07:18 PM
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glad to see that you're doing ok. sorry about mom, keeping you and your family in my prayers
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Old 03-14-2007, 07:28 PM
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I'm glad you can's so hard. I tried to remember that a lot of what people said to me when i lost Kristen was because they thought they knew what was good for me. There's so many different ways people deal with seeing grief in someone they care about. I'm glad you are doing what is good for you. You're in my prayers. SR and my meetings were where I could find some understanding and that has helped. Hugs
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Old 03-14-2007, 09:05 PM
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The reason that I feel good here is because my family, although they liked him, hate what he did and how he died, and so it is easier for them to move on. Me...although I had enough of his behaviors, and really did not think we had much of a future together, I loved the person inside. The people on this site have all loved addicts. There is a stigma attached to that statement.I feel you have to be in this boat to understand how to love the person, hate the behavior. Even my own daughter[also a nurse], told me not to tell anyone how keith died because they would look down on me as a person that was involved with an addict. Iknow this sounds nuts, but the reality is that it is true
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Old 03-14-2007, 09:14 PM
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(((Patchoulli))) - thank you for sharing.
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Old 03-15-2007, 09:54 AM
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this is where i really think alanon/naranon helps. our family and friends don't understand sometimes, even when they want to be supportive - you have to "live it" everyday to get it? blessings, k
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:41 AM
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exactly...thank you...Marian
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:02 AM
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Pat...Your post just helped me work through something I've been hanging on to but could never put my finger on why I was hanging on....For that I thank you for your vent.
Prayers for you and me.
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:09 AM
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(((((patch)))) it was not his moms fault, it was nobodys fault.i am glad to see you doing good things for you. keep doing it.grieve,you have a right to do that, but keep taking care of you.prayers, hope
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:30 AM
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Patchoulli: So Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself - nobody can take your good memories away from you - sorry to hear you have to deal with the negatives of family - Take care of yourself Patchoulli.
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