Self Analysis - People Problems

Old 03-14-2007, 11:15 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I have always tried to love as selflessly as a dog or cat.. but it is not always easy. Problem is that the last time I did this I also trusted as completely as a dog trusts and man oh man was THAT a mistake...

Trust cannot be blind is what I learned... and now i am a bit stand offish.. time will help this and I am way ahead of some (perhaps) because I recognize it?

My goal is to have a ranch... and that takes money and it may not be huge and it may not be fancy but if I can live there on my pension and SS someday and keep my animals well and smell the sunrise over the plains in the morning and hear the night hawks diving at night, then that is enough.

Meanwhile I will deal with today.
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Old 03-14-2007, 11:24 AM
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the girl can't help it
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I meant I want to be more like my dogs in the way they love me...I want to love ME that way...I want to totally accept myself...trusting others is a whole other matter. I will trust when I see that they are trust wothy...
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Old 03-14-2007, 12:02 PM
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You DID say you were a dog trainer, duh! Guess I should not have offered puppy advice....see, I told you I wasn't good at this stuff :-)
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Old 03-14-2007, 12:17 PM
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secret Mom.. you do just fine from where I am sitting.

Training a dog is never a simple 1-2-3 process. I bet I can learn from anyone else who does this!
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Old 03-14-2007, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Elana View Post
I have trained other ppl's dogs but mostly that was not training the dog, it was training the owners.
Yep, ain't that the case?

Agility is fun, even with a driven dog like a Border. I have worked with different breeds and it's always fun to see how they "do" it differently. They all help me stay focused on the Fun Mantra: If it's not fun, I ain't doin' it
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Old 03-14-2007, 05:53 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I forgot to say to Secret Mom.. I am a Saggitarius...
ya know...
Centaur.. Half Horse with good aim?
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Old 03-14-2007, 06:51 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Elana, My mother used to say that "it takes all kinds to make the world". I am a loner and I have decided that that is just who I am and I have learned it is okay. I am an animal lover and my perfect world would be to live in the country surrounded by God's creatures and have someone who could go into town and do my shopping so that I would never have to leave Maybe someday. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-14-2007, 07:57 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I have had more problems in the area of expectations.. I expect to be treated by others as well as I treat them. THAT does NOT work.

Now I have a new tack.. I will not allow myself to be badly treated because I am deserving of good treatment. That is different.
This is a great much insight and honesty and Elana, this quote just jumped at me...thank you.

I'm one of those introvert personality types, which doesn't mean reclusive but truly means that being with people takes more energy OUT of me than it puts back in, at least at the time. Those people who are energized by being out in a crowd, in a group, at a party? Not me.

I used to feel that was odd, that I was some kind of freak. Then a therapist did personality typing on me (that was kinda fun, really) and I learned that, no, there wasn't anything wrong with me, but just that my myers-briggs type only represented 1% of the US population. I wasn't weird...just rare. And my type doesn't really get into the whole socializing-for-the-sake-of-socializing thing.
GL, Learning that my introversion wasn't that I was "shy" (I know I'm not) rather that being around people exhausted me by the end of a day really helped me to understand myself and also to make sure I found quiet time at night and by walking at lunch to keep more emotionally healthy. I learned that with Meyers Briggs training and an assessment and I'm one of those
1% - ers too. No wonder I feel such a connection!
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Old 03-14-2007, 08:48 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hey Elana... so incredibly glad you are back!

I have a particularly hard time with friendships as well... in fact, I don't have one close friend from college. When people start talking about their "college buddies", to this day it makes me uncomfortable.

After that, though... I thought, "Well, I'm not insanely unhappy being a 'loner', but let's see what this 'friend' thing is all about." Despite a staunch resistance in the past to living with people, I basically "forced" myself to live with two girls my age when I went to grad school (who are two of my absolute best friends now, by the way).

I think that for me, it was a decision - I'm not "good" at this naturally, or so I thought... so at first, I really had to make an effort to create and maintain friendships. This even actually entailed accepting invitations when I didn't want to at all... going places where I pretty much knew I might be uncomfortable because of the social interaction... "forcing" myself to call and just chat with friends, even though I didn't want to...

As a result, I really believe I have retrained myself. When I moved, it was almost instantaneous that I found nice people to acquaint with... and then three girls that turned into very good friends. But I had to get comfortable with myself and realize what I was doing (i.e., pushing people away so they wouldn't really know me and then God-forbid not like me)...

It took a lot of time. But I am so glad that I "forced" myself to try... because it is so worth it. Now, when something good happens, I have at least 4 people who are NOT related to me to call and tell. That's just a wonderful feeling. But it really takes time.
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Old 03-15-2007, 01:46 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I completely relate with this thread! I have many friends, and have had many friends in the past, but there's always seemed to be something that just never clicked with me. I wouldn't say that I haven't enjoyed friendships, but I've never really felt like I connected with other people and friends have basically come and gone from my life without much thought being put into it. But on the other side of it, is xabf. The extreme opposite of everything else. A relationship that I cannot quite let go of. And even that, I think I mostly convinced myself that I was in love with him and had some kind of deeper connection. In reality though, I really don't think it was quite that. I mostly just feel like I'm living side by side people. Separate lives, not really connected to one another. I've kind of always felt like that.
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