Self Analysis - People Problems
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
I have always tried to love as selflessly as a dog or cat.. but it is not always easy. Problem is that the last time I did this I also trusted as completely as a dog trusts and man oh man was THAT a mistake...
Trust cannot be blind is what I learned... and now i am a bit stand offish.. time will help this and I am way ahead of some (perhaps) because I recognize it?
My goal is to have a ranch... and that takes money and it may not be huge and it may not be fancy but if I can live there on my pension and SS someday and keep my animals well and smell the sunrise over the plains in the morning and hear the night hawks diving at night, then that is enough.
Meanwhile I will deal with today.
Trust cannot be blind is what I learned... and now i am a bit stand offish.. time will help this and I am way ahead of some (perhaps) because I recognize it?
My goal is to have a ranch... and that takes money and it may not be huge and it may not be fancy but if I can live there on my pension and SS someday and keep my animals well and smell the sunrise over the plains in the morning and hear the night hawks diving at night, then that is enough.
Meanwhile I will deal with today.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((elana)))
I meant I want to be more like my dogs in the way they love me...I want to love ME that way...I want to totally accept myself...trusting others is a whole other matter. I will trust when I see that they are trust wothy...
I meant I want to be more like my dogs in the way they love me...I want to love ME that way...I want to totally accept myself...trusting others is a whole other matter. I will trust when I see that they are trust wothy...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by Elana 
I have trained other ppl's dogs but mostly that was not training the dog, it was training the owners.
Agility is fun, even with a driven dog like a Border. I have worked with different breeds and it's always fun to see how they "do" it differently. They all help me stay focused on the Fun Mantra: If it's not fun, I ain't doin' it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Elana, My mother used to say that "it takes all kinds to make the world". I am a loner and I have decided that that is just who I am and I have learned it is okay. I am an animal lover and my perfect world would be to live in the country surrounded by God's creatures and have someone who could go into town and do my shopping so that I would never have to leave Maybe someday. Hugs, Marle
Maybe someday. Hugs, Marle
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I have had more problems in the area of expectations.. I expect to be treated by others as well as I treat them. THAT does NOT work.
Now I have a new tack.. I will not allow myself to be badly treated because I am deserving of good treatment. That is different.
Now I have a new tack.. I will not allow myself to be badly treated because I am deserving of good treatment. That is different.
I'm one of those introvert personality types, which doesn't mean reclusive but truly means that being with people takes more energy OUT of me than it puts back in, at least at the time. Those people who are energized by being out in a crowd, in a group, at a party? Not me.
I used to feel that was odd, that I was some kind of freak. Then a therapist did personality typing on me (that was kinda fun, really) and I learned that, no, there wasn't anything wrong with me, but just that my myers-briggs type only represented 1% of the US population. I wasn't weird...just rare. And my type doesn't really get into the whole socializing-for-the-sake-of-socializing thing.
I used to feel that was odd, that I was some kind of freak. Then a therapist did personality typing on me (that was kinda fun, really) and I learned that, no, there wasn't anything wrong with me, but just that my myers-briggs type only represented 1% of the US population. I wasn't weird...just rare. And my type doesn't really get into the whole socializing-for-the-sake-of-socializing thing.
1% - ers too. No wonder I feel such a connection!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: BFE
Posts: 116
Hey Elana... so incredibly glad you are back!
I have a particularly hard time with friendships as well... in fact, I don't have one close friend from college. When people start talking about their "college buddies", to this day it makes me uncomfortable.
After that, though... I thought, "Well, I'm not insanely unhappy being a 'loner', but let's see what this 'friend' thing is all about." Despite a staunch resistance in the past to living with people, I basically "forced" myself to live with two girls my age when I went to grad school (who are two of my absolute best friends now, by the way).
I think that for me, it was a decision - I'm not "good" at this naturally, or so I thought... so at first, I really had to make an effort to create and maintain friendships. This even actually entailed accepting invitations when I didn't want to at all... going places where I pretty much knew I might be uncomfortable because of the social interaction... "forcing" myself to call and just chat with friends, even though I didn't want to...
As a result, I really believe I have retrained myself. When I moved, it was almost instantaneous that I found nice people to acquaint with... and then three girls that turned into very good friends. But I had to get comfortable with myself and realize what I was doing (i.e., pushing people away so they wouldn't really know me and then God-forbid not like me)...
It took a lot of time. But I am so glad that I "forced" myself to try... because it is so worth it. Now, when something good happens, I have at least 4 people who are NOT related to me to call and tell. That's just a wonderful feeling. But it really takes time.
I have a particularly hard time with friendships as well... in fact, I don't have one close friend from college. When people start talking about their "college buddies", to this day it makes me uncomfortable.
After that, though... I thought, "Well, I'm not insanely unhappy being a 'loner', but let's see what this 'friend' thing is all about." Despite a staunch resistance in the past to living with people, I basically "forced" myself to live with two girls my age when I went to grad school (who are two of my absolute best friends now, by the way).
I think that for me, it was a decision - I'm not "good" at this naturally, or so I thought... so at first, I really had to make an effort to create and maintain friendships. This even actually entailed accepting invitations when I didn't want to at all... going places where I pretty much knew I might be uncomfortable because of the social interaction... "forcing" myself to call and just chat with friends, even though I didn't want to...
As a result, I really believe I have retrained myself. When I moved, it was almost instantaneous that I found nice people to acquaint with... and then three girls that turned into very good friends. But I had to get comfortable with myself and realize what I was doing (i.e., pushing people away so they wouldn't really know me and then God-forbid not like me)...
It took a lot of time. But I am so glad that I "forced" myself to try... because it is so worth it. Now, when something good happens, I have at least 4 people who are NOT related to me to call and tell. That's just a wonderful feeling. But it really takes time.
President
Join Date: May 2006
Location: on our next big adventure!
Posts: 1,253
I completely relate with this thread! I have many friends, and have had many friends in the past, but there's always seemed to be something that just never clicked with me. I wouldn't say that I haven't enjoyed friendships, but I've never really felt like I connected with other people and friends have basically come and gone from my life without much thought being put into it. But on the other side of it, is xabf. The extreme opposite of everything else. A relationship that I cannot quite let go of. And even that, I think I mostly convinced myself that I was in love with him and had some kind of deeper connection. In reality though, I really don't think it was quite that. I mostly just feel like I'm living side by side people. Separate lives, not really connected to one another. I've kind of always felt like that.
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