Just need to chat
 

Well I picked AH up from his uncles yesterday (who he works with) and he was drunk. As we drove his actions and comments showed it more and more. I calmly said, dear youve been drinking. As Ive said before I will not be around you like this, you are not coming home with us tonite. I dropped him off at the other house.
That is a boundary Im sticking to, no ifs ands or butts.
As usual of late he walked to my home abbout 2:30 am, went to bed and got up for work.
I decided it was time to let his family know how bad it was getting again and they were very supportive. I explained where I was at with my boundaries and that I wouldnt make him leave until I was sure I was strong enough to stick to it, because I felt back and forth actions were harder on the kids. They too agreed.
For now the kids just think he's been working on the other house. Yesterday they knew he was drunk and understand that I will not have that behavior in my home. My home is my castle and I will keep peace and a chaos free environment there.
Of course this morning he swore off drinking for the third time this week. I ignored him and said very little. I feel very detached emotionally. Something different is coming over me and I feel Im getting stronger each day...

good for you - the longer this crap goes on the more selfish i become - and i will NOT feel guilty about it - it's all about the kids...

love,
s

I wrote a reply and it never posted.. this is the second time this has happened this week.

But anyways like i said before I wish i had words of strength and encourgement right now but I am feeling a little stuck right now. I am glad that you are feeling stronger though that is such a good thing.

Hugs,
Jewel

glad to hear you are getting stronger cinder, still praying for ya.

The not belittling part has been extremely hard, but Im doing it. Ive bit my tongue so much its swore, but Im proud of me.

Im proud of not just reacting, tossing him out again only to two weks later let him back. I feel that was causing more pain for all of us.

I did contemplate taking him some of the groceries and some clothes last night, as I sorta felt bad he was talking about eating and I said I cant be with you like this, Im taking you to the other house...but then I asked myself about my needs and decided I didnt want to drive anymore and he chose to drink knowing the consequences to that (although apparently thinking he could hide it.)

Thought Id share some of his drunk antics from the 30 minute car ride....

He decided he needed to pee right then (Perfect indication he's had a bit too much.) When I said he's have to wait he actually opened his car door and leaned out like he was going to jump... (we were driving 80 mph ont he highway-he was joking but easily could ahve fallen.)

He grabbed my gartorade bottle, peed in it, dumped that out the window, finished peeing and tossed the bottle out hitting the car behind us (again we were still on the highway)

Started a rubber band war with my 9 year old and kept slamming himself into my arm and seat.

Then pretended he was passed out and contually slammed his head into the window and dashboard.

Yelled at me tha I was out of control because tears were streaming down my face.

Started tearing the car apart for the money he'd given me that morning yelling give me my money. (Of course I paid the power bill with it already)

Theres more I cannot think of. This is insane. I cannot live this way. My children dont deserve to see that behavior.

Sounds like my brother-in-law. My late sister's husband.

He would pull those things endlessly, and she'd kick him out and let him back, kick him out and let him back. When he got more advanced in his alcoholism, he would break into the house when she'd kick him out. She too was one of those women who was attracted to the "bad boys." His drunken antics couldn't overpower her co-dependency.

One night I was babysitting for her toddler. He broke in, tore the house apart looking for money, and raped me. I was 10.

I have no tolerance for alcoholism. Needless to say.

Take care of your kids. And yourself.

Love,
GL

Hi Cinderella - That detached feeling is kind of scary too - when I feel (often in my life) I know it is a coping method to give me a break - sorry to hear you have to go through all this - glad you are here to share. ((HUGS))

Thanks Brownie. Ive been here so many times. The problem is if I make him leave keeping him out. I will not do that again until Im strong enough to stick to it. Its hard when you still see the person underneath the addiction, for all I can do right now is keep working on me, the rest will work itself out

Of course I already got the phone call full of promises. Funny I no longer expect a thing just working on getting stronger for me, because I do expect to eventually end the misery (mine that is) once and for all.
At least things are different than last time, Im standing my ground as to not being at the house when under any influence (even mental ones).

((((cinderella)))))

You have grown so much, Cinder. You'll find strength when you need it.
It is really difficult to keep quiet in these circumstances. I'm proud of you
for biting your tongue! LOL Thanks for the reminder that I need to work on that too. (((HUGS)))

Today Im doing better everyone. I feel good/great.
AH and I had a peaceful night he even fixed dinner. Today my oldest dearest friend who moved a way 6 years ago is coming into town and staying with me. I am so excited, I cannot wait and Im taking a vacation day tomorrow to hang out.
Have a great day everyone

I am so happy today you feel good. Isnt it great when you get to be with your friends? I miss mine so much we talk everyday but thats not the same. Hugs to you.

Jewel

This is the only friend I have (face to face) who knows exactly what its like and how hard it is to leave the good part of them first hand. It'll be so great to have her here. AH will be likely on good behavior to impress, but so cool no matter what with her he cannot embarrass me