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the descent into hell...

Old 03-11-2007, 09:06 PM
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the descent into hell...

it has now been three weeks since i've had my sisters lil guys - aged 2 & 4 - lil guys dad called (ranted) 4 days after their descent into hell - and then called the tuesday after that - 9 days after my mom came by the house, saw the chaos, and brought lil guys to my house (a state away in IN) - he wanted to talk to the lil guys so i told him that was ok but if he raised his voice i would hang up - he was on the phone for about 1 1/2 minutes when dylan (the 2 yr old) gave me the phone - i tried to call back to talk about some kind of important stuff (custody, rehab, etc.) but he never answered - that was about 2 weeks ago - since then nothing - i have heard absolutely nothing from sister (ever) or their dad - my brother (who is in IL) did see their dad (a week ago thurs. - it is now sunday nite) - he was messed up bringing out the garbage (funny how crackheads worry about the iimportant stuff, huh?) - my brother asked where sister was - jeff told him she was at a friends - when brother went there she wasn't there - jeff said she was at therapy - ok? - brother asked where she really was - jeff said he wasn't sure but she wasn't ready to talk to anyone in the family - hmmmmm....

my ex brother in law (who now has permanent custody of the 11 and 8 year old) decided he wanted to go to the house and see if he could get some of the older boys clothes and xmas presents - no one was home - sheriff's dept was never able to serve papers on sister - he looked in the mailbox and could see about a weeks worth of mail - lots of stuff from dcfs - no one else has seen or heard from either of them for more than a week - ex bil and brother filed a missing person report - i've left a few messages - as have most other people in my family, and no one called back - they have not talked to their children since this started (except for the 45 second phone call that one tues)...

i called a number my mom had for a neighbor of theirs which was an emergency number for when they had no phone - apparently the husband has a moving co. and jeff has worked for him in the past - i had an interesting conversation - app. sister and bf are certifiable crack heads - whenever they have money the make up house in the basement - the lil guys apparently don't keep the house clean enough so they had no choice but to move to the basement - and they took the food with them! - sister and bf thought that since the kdis were so f'ing lazy they didn't deserve food - since no one helped sister with the laundry they decided to keep it in the garage - what a concept huh!? - they had padlocks inside the doors and outside the doors - so that'w why my mom's key wouldn't work - there was no water so that's why lil 2 yr old nephew was scared to death of the tub for three days - he didn't konw what to expect - i'm numb... these people, no not people , scumbags, are apparently now staying at a sybaris hotel and enjoying the high life- well they were - the police found her and dad's drivers license copies (which the sybaris makes copies of in case of drowning or something)? so apparently they are high class crack heads - oh my god...

i vascilate between wishing she were dead and sheer pity for the two of them - i really don't know what to think and am numb - god i feel sorry for the kids - they ask about them less frequently and with the gorgeous weather of the las t couple of days have been having a great time outside - wearing themselves out - literally - pass out when their heads hit the pillow - they are doing so well - how do parents do thsi to their kids? - how do drugs become more important than their kids? - how????...

i know this is probably really long but i've been away from this for a couple of days and just needed to vent - i really feel like i will never understand this and now i have to go to court in IL and file for custody - dcfs is doing something finally, but only after i contacted a child advocacy center in springfield IL - boy that made things happen - but dcfs will go to court on our behalf which will make things easier - apparently crack heads get thier attention...

you know i've had something floating around in my head for a couple of days now - maybe you can help me with this - if addiction is a disease that affects the brain chemistry than why does a person have to reach their bottom to stop? - i mean if life is sh*& and 6 months later it's really sh*& and you decide to stop because you can't take it anymore what changed your brain? - nothing right - your will to change was just stronger than your want to use - right? another post perhaps - goodnite everyone - and thanks for allowing the space for venting...

love,
s
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Old 03-11-2007, 09:46 PM
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When my AD was on crack she would go weeks with out seeing or even asking about her son. Seems drugs always come first with them, makes me sick to think of how many little kids are living with drugged up parents. Lucky for your sisters kids they have you to love an care for them now.
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Old 03-11-2007, 09:58 PM
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All I can say is you are an Angel. They have to be out of their minds.
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Old 03-12-2007, 04:11 AM
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i think that you are an angel too. it is hard, i know. for me though, the thought of losing my kids was what gave me the push that i needed to want to get clean and stay clean. i understand how easy it is to get hooked and how hard it is to stop using but i don't understand how a parent can just walk away from the kids without a real fight to come clean. still praying for you, and your family, with a special prayer for the kids.
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Old 03-12-2007, 05:27 AM
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((s))

You are an angel. Thank God you and your family stepped up and love and care for those kids. Thank God you have the stregnth and the will and the patience to do the things you are doing for them. I don't even know you, but I'm saying a prayer to my HP right now to help you and those kids.

Just my opinion on the hitting bottom thing. I personally think that it is a chemical thing. But hitting bottom can also be a chemical thing. The pleasure endorphins are very strong and inviting. It takes a whole lot of bad things to produce the chemicals that they don't want. The bad has to be stronger than the good feeling. That's a whole lot of bad. I think if it were just a matter of deciding they are going to quit, then we wouldn't have the problems near as bad. I believe that most addics really want to quit.

Again, Bless your heart for what you are doing.

B
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Old 03-12-2007, 06:30 AM
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thanks everybody,

the prayers can't hurt - i'll take all i can get - i don't think that i'm an angel - i think i'm just doing the right thing - i can't imagine letting those kids go into foster care -neither can my husband - my brother called last nite to tell me about the police finding the stuff at sybaris - he said that he talked to his wife about taking the kids (he is the godparent of the 4 yr old - he and his wife have no kids) but he decided he didn't want to change his lifestyle - ok - i can understand taht but when i said "well i would hope that someone would do the same for me if something happened to p and i, that someone would take our kids" - he said of course he would do that - p & i aren't crackheads - when i told him that this wasn't the kids fault he just sort of said - yeah but it's a different situation - i don't agree - i just didn't want to argue anymore...

teke i appreciate your honesty - i wanted to post on the substance abuse forum now that i'm a little less angry but i don't think that's a good thing - i don't think i'm in a place to even try to understand how drugs take prescedence over kids - there's a website crack reality - reading those messages scares the crap out of me - i'm so glad that you are doing so well and that you made the right choice - i just don't think i would want to find out why people made the other choice...

i've been through an intensive outpatient program with my 17 year old (court ordered for a dui) - works with the steps and has been incredibly helpful - i'm grateful for what i've learned - but i just don't *get it* - addiction i mean - i know i can't make anyone do anything - that i have no control over anyone i can only control my reaction to them - i get the steps - i just don't get what makes an addicts brain different than mine - they just don't understand consequences of their actions? i would love to smoke a little weed once in a while - take the edge off - i have 4 kids at home - well 6 now - i wouldn't do that because i could get in trouble - i would still like to though because it's pleasurable - and i know i'm not talking about 200 worth of crack a day for three weeks that makes my body depend on it - but even an addict has to figure out that detoxing your body is going to feel like crap and then you have to try and not use the drug that got you into this mess in the first place - it's ultimately willpower - right?...

i'm looking forward to the show on addiction on hbo - i think it starts tuesday and i'm grateful for all of you here on sr - it has been incredible to me, the support of others all working on their own stuff - but taking the time to help me with mine - i love support groups and you all...

sincerely...
s
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:15 AM
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You're an angel. Pure and simple... truly a godsend to those children.

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Old 03-12-2007, 08:14 AM
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Itiswhat...
THANK GOD for people like you and your husband. What you are doing is a wonderful thing, and even though it is life changing for you, it is life changing for those helpless little darlings....

I know you have your hands full, and I understand the pain and anger...I am going through kinda the same thing with my grandson. Yesterday, he turned 12, and his mother never even called. It makes me sick!!! Anyway, just wanted to say...am praying for you and those kids.

Thanks for being there for them!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-12-2007, 08:26 AM
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You are those lil' guys guardian angel... They have endured so much in their little lives, they are so lucky to have someone who cares about them as you do.

I have heard it said...that an addict will continue to use until the pain of staying in active addiction becomes greater than the pain of stopping and seeking recovery...
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:08 AM
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hugs to you & prayers for those kids. it is wonderful that you have taken them in.my son is a crack addict & i do not understand there way of thinking at all. he has been clean since he came out of prison in sept.& before he got out but he still has the addict thinking.he is in alot of troube now & i just do not understand.i read somewhere that one year is for questions & another is for answers..i keep waiting but i do not think answers will ever come.take care of yourself & know we r here for you & care.
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:15 AM
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I'm speechless. The world is lucky to have people like you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:44 AM
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((((iiwii))))

I truly believe your an angel, as well.
I'm with you on the whole, "what about the kids, thing".
My sister is raising her 5 yo gs, because her son and his gf are both
addicts. She has full custody. I don't get it either.
I also thank God daily that my son has never fathered a child.
Just the thought of having a grandbaby suffering from a parent's addiction is unbearable. Those babies are truly blessed to have you in their lives.
Linda
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:56 AM
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The Big Book says it well : "Warped lives of blameless children."
Thank God that they have you in their life.
AA Hugs,
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:22 PM
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thanks everybody

your responses really help - lostparent and notsleepingwell can i ask what you say to your kids when you talk to them? - i get the *be nice their sick (addiction)stuff* but in reality i think if i talk to one of them i'll just explode - i really don't want to think this to far ahead - i just can't imagine how they could ever explain any of this - you know?

in other news apparently the police saw video of sister and her boyfriend leaving the sybaris - the video matched pics of their drivers licenses - so the missing person case is closed as far as the police are concerned - i don't think they'll have the nerve to return home and deal with everything that is going on - you know what the saddest part of all of this is? - they could have taken this $70,000 settlement and figured stuff out - they could have been ok - and instead they will probably end up running away from life and their responsabilities and be one of those stories we read about in the paper - the one where their bodies are found in a field somewhere and everyone wonders who there families were and how come they didnt' even notice them missing...

it's so sad...

godspeed,
s
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Old 03-12-2007, 09:57 PM
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itiswhat.....What do I say to her well, I use to try the how can you do this to your son, don't you ever stop an think of him he needs his Mommy... if you won't stop using for yourself do it for him...I would point out what a great kid he is..Tell her she should be putting him first in her life instead of her drugs an druggie friends. Even ask her once why don't you love your son enough to stop doing this crap..But none of it worked so I really have know answers for you. But I do understand what your feeling it makes me sick to think my daughter could be so unfeeling an uncaring toward her own child.. Only advice I have is try not to focus to much on why or how she could do this to her children..but do what your doing love an care for the kids...an pray their mother gets help. As I said before the kids are lucky they have you.
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Old 03-13-2007, 07:24 AM
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today i will say a prayer for all of us...

- i don't know how good i am at praying - hell, up until 9 months ago i thought I was my own higher power - but i do know that i am done worrying about the parents of these two lil guys - i will focus on enjoying the 74 degree day here in IN and getting the house and yard ready for spring - all the kids - well the three little ones - had the flu this past week - i am happy to report that everyone is done puking - and if my older kids get sick - well they know how to run to the bathroom ...

may we all enjoy today without drama - enjoy the peace of the moment - and enjoy our moments in peace - amen...

love,
s
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Old 03-13-2007, 12:01 PM
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It is beautiful weather out today isn't it..the kids have been out getting into mischief all day...they're bugginng me to fly kites that's what I'm going to Like you said enjoy" a day without drama"
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Old 03-13-2007, 07:08 PM
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There must be a special pair of wings and an extra star in your crown young lady. May God bless you and your home.
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Old 03-13-2007, 08:55 PM
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Hugs and prayers for you and the children. Prayers for their parents too that the time will come when they can overcome this disease that is a physical allergy and an obsession of the mind. I undertand that it is incredibly hard to believe someone can choose drugs over their children. A friend of mine, a recovering addict says that choice goes out the window when in active addiction. I hope their time to find recovery comes soon.
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Old 03-15-2007, 11:01 PM
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greet,

i'm watching the show on addiction on hbo - i can't stop crying - i've decided not to think about the parents of lil guys an d just deal with the *what is*...

i watch this show an d my heart jsut breaks for the parents losing their children - how will i be able to see my sister in this? - oh i hope i can - i don't want to hate her - i just look into lil guys eyes and my heart breaks - it really does...
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