Back Again
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Back Again
Here I am back again. I have been to the forum alot even though I have not been posting. I know my son has been using & I am just so disgusted about the whole situation. He is 40yrs old for goodness sake. I guess some people never wise up. You know I was watching Dr G Medical Examiner on tv & she had a middle aged man who was a chronic cocaine user on her table. It seems if u r a chronic user u can start to suffer hallucinations & I believe she called it Excitibility something or other. The gist of this story was he was having these hallucinations & the police saw him & tried to question him. There was a warrant out for his arrest but being he was having hallucinations u couldn't talk to him. He started to run & they gave chase. After they caught him & cuffed him they noticed he had stopped breathing. He was dead. He had been having these hallucinations & his body was racing before he started to run & after he started to run his heart just could not keep up & he developed a cardiac arrhythmia, and subsequently arrested. His family thought the cops had abused him. It was the cocaine that really killed him. Now I know my son has had this happen to him more than once. I tried to tell him at his age he could drop dead from using & he did not want to even listen. He started to call me a hyppocrite cuz I smoke cigarettes & they can kill you too.
I just can't deal with all of this anymore. Since he took that job at the post office & moved bk to the area where he did all his using he has really relapsed. You know when he was first out of jail & living near me I cut him totally lose & because of that ( and I am sure lots of other reasons ) he stopped using & was really seeking recovery. Now he is at it again. The big bucks he is making has not helped. I am at the point where I would rather cut him loose than keep accepting daily phone calls & occasional visits. I plan on going to see him soon & I think when I do I am going to try one more time to get through to him. If it doesn't help I am done.
I guess you will be seeing alot more of me cuz I need the support. It is just very hard to get time to post. I am not a kid anymore, & am helping my other son who is a single dad raise 2 toddlers, so personal time is very limited.
Thanx for taking your precious time to read this.
Love,
Diane
I just can't deal with all of this anymore. Since he took that job at the post office & moved bk to the area where he did all his using he has really relapsed. You know when he was first out of jail & living near me I cut him totally lose & because of that ( and I am sure lots of other reasons ) he stopped using & was really seeking recovery. Now he is at it again. The big bucks he is making has not helped. I am at the point where I would rather cut him loose than keep accepting daily phone calls & occasional visits. I plan on going to see him soon & I think when I do I am going to try one more time to get through to him. If it doesn't help I am done.
I guess you will be seeing alot more of me cuz I need the support. It is just very hard to get time to post. I am not a kid anymore, & am helping my other son who is a single dad raise 2 toddlers, so personal time is very limited.
Thanx for taking your precious time to read this.
Love,
Diane
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
diane, i am so sorry to hear this. my a.s. is 34 & it is hard to see them doing this to themselves & keep doing this to themselves. i have not cut ties with my son but i have set my boundries.i know that he may never quit. i just want to say you,& he both are in my prayers.take care of you.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
HI Rozied, and welcome back, sorry it's under such bad circumstances. At least you know what you are dealing with, without rose-coloured glasses on. It is sad to see someone that you love of ANY AGE be the slave to a chemcial substance, but especially someone who is WAY past their teens and should "know better". Unfotunately, addiction knows no age limit. My RAH will be 40 in May (i'm 44).
Well, keep us posted and we'll help ya as best we can!!
Well, keep us posted and we'll help ya as best we can!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Diane, I know how scary this is, I have been there twice when my son O/D'd and it is only by the grace of God that he survived. It didn't stop him, and that's when I know addiction was just so much bigger than I was and a war I could not win.
The only thing that has helped me get past living in fear each day, is to begin each morning with a prayer asking God to take care of my son, and then leaving him in His hands.
It's good to hear from you again, I was wondering if you were okay and am glad you have other people and things in your life to keep your mind in a better place.
Hugs
The only thing that has helped me get past living in fear each day, is to begin each morning with a prayer asking God to take care of my son, and then leaving him in His hands.
It's good to hear from you again, I was wondering if you were okay and am glad you have other people and things in your life to keep your mind in a better place.
Hugs
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thank you everyone,
Ann I know prayer is the ONLY weapon we have when dealing with this...................I ask my HP to please take care of my son everytime I get that anxious feeling. Once a child is past the age where you can physically pick them up & put them where you want them to be that is all u can do. These r not children we r dealing with but full blown adults. How do you save someone from themself....you can't.
I know how imp you all think face to face mtgs r but I have attended them on & off for 42 yrs & I can honestly say this.........................I have gotten more out of SR that I have ever gotten from any face 2 face mtg I have been to.
I think u r all the greatest for giving so much of yourself to relative strangers................but then again we have a very strong common bond.
I can't thank you all enough for even taking the time to read my post.
Love,
Diane
Funkster I am so happy that you r going on this trip.
Ann I know prayer is the ONLY weapon we have when dealing with this...................I ask my HP to please take care of my son everytime I get that anxious feeling. Once a child is past the age where you can physically pick them up & put them where you want them to be that is all u can do. These r not children we r dealing with but full blown adults. How do you save someone from themself....you can't.
I know how imp you all think face to face mtgs r but I have attended them on & off for 42 yrs & I can honestly say this.........................I have gotten more out of SR that I have ever gotten from any face 2 face mtg I have been to.
I think u r all the greatest for giving so much of yourself to relative strangers................but then again we have a very strong common bond.
I can't thank you all enough for even taking the time to read my post.
Love,
Diane
Funkster I am so happy that you r going on this trip.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Diane,
Welcome back. I wish it was for other reasons, just stopping by to let us know you are ok. I will pray for you and your son, hoping he finds his HP. Do what you have to for you, by the time you go and see him, I'm sure you will know what it is.
You know we are always here for you,
Hugs coming your way
Welcome back. I wish it was for other reasons, just stopping by to let us know you are ok. I will pray for you and your son, hoping he finds his HP. Do what you have to for you, by the time you go and see him, I'm sure you will know what it is.
You know we are always here for you,
Hugs coming your way
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: punta gorda florida
Posts: 381
I've been there also, my daughter when actively using crack also hallucinated, it was terrifying. She is doing well for 2 years, I did cut her off , it was her or my entire family. My heart goes out to you...Know someone understands..Marian
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Rozied))))
Well hugs to you, my friend.
It's so hard to live this drama day in, and day out, worrying about our children, and knowing what "could" happen.
The best part is, we're all here for you, and you know the drill, Let go, and Let God. I often wish I could do more to "fix" my sons, but I've accepted, I'm powerless.
Do something good for you!
Hugs,
Well hugs to you, my friend.
It's so hard to live this drama day in, and day out, worrying about our children, and knowing what "could" happen.
The best part is, we're all here for you, and you know the drill, Let go, and Let God. I often wish I could do more to "fix" my sons, but I've accepted, I'm powerless.
Do something good for you!
Hugs,
rozied
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
I am really overwhelmed by the outpouring of love & support I ALWAYS find here at SR. It never ceases to move me how caring the people here are.
According to my AS he has not used crack in yrs. He says he ONLY snorts coke. Once when he was on crack I found out after the fact he was running down the street in his underwear & was arrested & brought to the hospital. He called me 3 days after it happened & told me he had been in ICU for 3 days on life support. Being a nurse I don't know if he was exagerating about the life support but I do know he was in the hospital & I did not find out until 3 day after it happened. A few wks ago when I called him he was having a severe panic attack & I know he was delusional.....................Lord I sure hope it was not crack & he is lying again. Coke is bad enough without it being crack. IMHO crack is worse than coke.
Marian you are so blessed that your daughter has been clean for 2 yrs. I am truly happy whenever I hear about an addict staying clean for such a long period of time. I have a friend whose daughter has been clean for 3 yrs & it is so good to hear. I can only pray one day I can say that though this has been the best my son has been in 20 yrs & I am thankful for that. At least I still believe there is some hope he will one day be in remission.
Thanx again to everyone
Love,
Diane
According to my AS he has not used crack in yrs. He says he ONLY snorts coke. Once when he was on crack I found out after the fact he was running down the street in his underwear & was arrested & brought to the hospital. He called me 3 days after it happened & told me he had been in ICU for 3 days on life support. Being a nurse I don't know if he was exagerating about the life support but I do know he was in the hospital & I did not find out until 3 day after it happened. A few wks ago when I called him he was having a severe panic attack & I know he was delusional.....................Lord I sure hope it was not crack & he is lying again. Coke is bad enough without it being crack. IMHO crack is worse than coke.
Marian you are so blessed that your daughter has been clean for 2 yrs. I am truly happy whenever I hear about an addict staying clean for such a long period of time. I have a friend whose daughter has been clean for 3 yrs & it is so good to hear. I can only pray one day I can say that though this has been the best my son has been in 20 yrs & I am thankful for that. At least I still believe there is some hope he will one day be in remission.
Thanx again to everyone
Love,
Diane
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Diane))))) Do what you need to do, even if that means going to see him and talk to him one last time.
But I would suggest you prepare yourself for more of the same.... after all, if talking to them worked, none of us would be here.
I find I cannot watch shows like the one you described PRECISELY because of how they make me feel... fearful, worried, certain my kid was heading to her death. One of the first boundaries I made was to turn the channel when those shows come on. I made that boundary for ME, instead of making a boudary that was somehow tied to the well being of my child.
I am sorry he has the money to facilitate his using, but I also know that he is on the path of his Higher Power, and you and I cannot get in the way of that path.
When I cut off contact with my daughter, I pretended she was in a safe recovery house. That helped. I don't care if it wasn't true, it helped me stay sane and kept me from obsessing about what is she doing NOW...where is she NOW... how bad is she NOW.
Alanon also helped me, and I would suggest you try out some meetings, if you haven't already.
I wish you the best.
But I would suggest you prepare yourself for more of the same.... after all, if talking to them worked, none of us would be here.
I find I cannot watch shows like the one you described PRECISELY because of how they make me feel... fearful, worried, certain my kid was heading to her death. One of the first boundaries I made was to turn the channel when those shows come on. I made that boundary for ME, instead of making a boudary that was somehow tied to the well being of my child.
I am sorry he has the money to facilitate his using, but I also know that he is on the path of his Higher Power, and you and I cannot get in the way of that path.
When I cut off contact with my daughter, I pretended she was in a safe recovery house. That helped. I don't care if it wasn't true, it helped me stay sane and kept me from obsessing about what is she doing NOW...where is she NOW... how bad is she NOW.
Alanon also helped me, and I would suggest you try out some meetings, if you haven't already.
I wish you the best.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
glad you're back rozied. sorry about your son. i know now that while i was active, i used to hallucinate and have those axiety attacks, didn't have sense enough at the time to know that my life was in danger. drugs do that to you. i also had a postal job, but my addiction made sure that didn't last very long, and unless your son, can eventually seek the help he needs to stay clean, then his job may not be an issue for long. addiction gets progressively worse.
you said that you cut him off once and he got sober, well, my family did me the same way, and yes i relapse a few times, but i eventually saw that if i didn't do something to help myself that nobody else was gonna either. they supported me from a far distance and i am eternally grateful for that. i had 9 yrs and relapsed, now by the grace of god, i have 5 yrs.
there is always hope. in my opinion, it maybe better for you that he don't live so close to you, at least you don't have to watch him look for his bottom. keeping you and your son in my prayers, and i really do hope that he finds his way soon.
you said that you cut him off once and he got sober, well, my family did me the same way, and yes i relapse a few times, but i eventually saw that if i didn't do something to help myself that nobody else was gonna either. they supported me from a far distance and i am eternally grateful for that. i had 9 yrs and relapsed, now by the grace of god, i have 5 yrs.
there is always hope. in my opinion, it maybe better for you that he don't live so close to you, at least you don't have to watch him look for his bottom. keeping you and your son in my prayers, and i really do hope that he finds his way soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Hey Rozied
I am sorry to hear about your son. Don't ever give up hope on him. You guys will be in my prayers. This week I gave my 20 yr old RD over to God. Even though she has been clean for 10+ months, she is not working her recovery and making some bad decisions. I can't be part of the drama anymore. It is tearing my family apart.
It is so hard to let them fall on their face; I know I have done everything I can. I'm sure you have also.
Big Hugs to you!
Terri
I am sorry to hear about your son. Don't ever give up hope on him. You guys will be in my prayers. This week I gave my 20 yr old RD over to God. Even though she has been clean for 10+ months, she is not working her recovery and making some bad decisions. I can't be part of the drama anymore. It is tearing my family apart.
It is so hard to let them fall on their face; I know I have done everything I can. I'm sure you have also.
Big Hugs to you!
Terri
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Diane,
I'm so sorry for your pain. My son is 37 and has been mostly an active addict for around 18 years. It is a living nightmare. I wish there were words to help or make it all go away.
He is very fortunate to have a good job. Hopefully he will not lose it and will seek the help he needs. You are so right when you stated that you need support. It's difficult to talk about our addict children to others who think it couldn't happen to them. So keep coming back. It's not a cure, (unfortunately) but it is a release valve where we can vent, discuss, cry, support, and just care.
I care.
Washbe
I'm so sorry for your pain. My son is 37 and has been mostly an active addict for around 18 years. It is a living nightmare. I wish there were words to help or make it all go away.
He is very fortunate to have a good job. Hopefully he will not lose it and will seek the help he needs. You are so right when you stated that you need support. It's difficult to talk about our addict children to others who think it couldn't happen to them. So keep coming back. It's not a cure, (unfortunately) but it is a release valve where we can vent, discuss, cry, support, and just care.
I care.
Washbe
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