post-treatment?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
post-treatment?
I am especially grateful that I happened on this Website today. My son entered a residential treatment center last night. It was his choice to break his downward spiral of addiction to heroin. It is not easy for a mom to admit that her son is an addict, but he is. My son is an educated, talented 29 year old addict. In the last month, he pawned his work computer, his musical equipment and his dad's hunting rifles. In this last week, he forged checks, rummaged through all of the drawers of my house looking for money, lost his job, had his health insurance cancelled and entered a treatment center.
When Jon exits the treatment center, he will have nothing left of his previous life, except loving parents and a loyal friend. I guess I need prayers and advice from all of you who are dealing with addiction and/or an addicted loved ones, especially adult children.
I am seeking help locally. I have attended Al-Anon and gone to counseling since I learned of his addiction in October. I want to know what to expect when he returns home. I want to understand how I am to act. I want to know how I am supporting without smothering. He will be in treatment for 28 days, but I want to prepare now for how I handle his "freedom."
Thank you for offering any suggestions that might help me understand.
When Jon exits the treatment center, he will have nothing left of his previous life, except loving parents and a loyal friend. I guess I need prayers and advice from all of you who are dealing with addiction and/or an addicted loved ones, especially adult children.
I am seeking help locally. I have attended Al-Anon and gone to counseling since I learned of his addiction in October. I want to know what to expect when he returns home. I want to understand how I am to act. I want to know how I am supporting without smothering. He will be in treatment for 28 days, but I want to prepare now for how I handle his "freedom."
Thank you for offering any suggestions that might help me understand.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, glad you found us, but not under the circumstances. there are a lot of good people here, with a lot of wisdom, advice and a few hugs to offer. there are also a lot of parents here who are/been where you are now. my husband and i both are recovering addicts, and i'm so sorry.
glad to see that your son(ras) in already in treatment and you are reaching out too. unfortunately there is not much else you can do to help your son. i came here to find out what i needed to do to help my addict husband(rah), but found out that i needed to help myself because of the effects that his addiction has had on my life.
yes, we sometimes get just as sick as our addicts. since addiction effects all involved, we all need recovery. good you have already started alanon. it is highly recommended here. we also recommend the book called "codependant no more". when i first came here, i was almost literally insane, i am learning, that i had nothing to do with my ah's addiction at all, that none of this is my fault.
maybe read the stickies at the top of the forum, read and read and post all you want or need to. knowledge is power. i understand that you want to know how to further help your son but the choice to stay clean is your son's to make. you can learn how to better cope with his addiction and support him from a distance, so as not to continue to allow his choices to affect you in such a direct and negative way,
addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. rehab is just the beginning stage of recovery, the hard part comes after rehab. sorry, but it maybe time for you now, to learn how to take care of you and allow your son to do the same.
others will be along shortly to welcome you and share their experience strength and hope. sometimes the wkend is a little slow, so please stick around, we want to walk with you through this. this is about loved ones helping each others. glad you are here.
you are welcome to pm me if you like.
glad to see that your son(ras) in already in treatment and you are reaching out too. unfortunately there is not much else you can do to help your son. i came here to find out what i needed to do to help my addict husband(rah), but found out that i needed to help myself because of the effects that his addiction has had on my life.
yes, we sometimes get just as sick as our addicts. since addiction effects all involved, we all need recovery. good you have already started alanon. it is highly recommended here. we also recommend the book called "codependant no more". when i first came here, i was almost literally insane, i am learning, that i had nothing to do with my ah's addiction at all, that none of this is my fault.
maybe read the stickies at the top of the forum, read and read and post all you want or need to. knowledge is power. i understand that you want to know how to further help your son but the choice to stay clean is your son's to make. you can learn how to better cope with his addiction and support him from a distance, so as not to continue to allow his choices to affect you in such a direct and negative way,
addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. rehab is just the beginning stage of recovery, the hard part comes after rehab. sorry, but it maybe time for you now, to learn how to take care of you and allow your son to do the same.
others will be along shortly to welcome you and share their experience strength and hope. sometimes the wkend is a little slow, so please stick around, we want to walk with you through this. this is about loved ones helping each others. glad you are here.
you are welcome to pm me if you like.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Welcome to the forum. Just keep going to your meetings and continue therapy/counseling. It is really important not to beat yourself over the head (even though it hard to stop berating yoruself) and remember the 3 C's : You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. He has to do that for himself. I wish I could give more advice, but I am new to this too.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
My son is an educated, talented 29 year old addict.
He will be in treatment for 28 days, but I want to prepare now for how I handle his "freedom."
He will be in treatment for 28 days, but I want to prepare now for how I handle his "freedom."
Both had to leave our home in order for us to have any sanity.
What I know today is that was the BEST way I could parent my kids... letting THEM learn how to support themselves and what works for keeping sober.
I tried the other way first, of course... giving, enabling, helping, rescuing... and I will be making amends for those actions, I suppose. I meant well, but I think my actions KEPT them from learning things for themselves.
Both my kids went into Oxford houses after rehab... just put the words Oxford House into any search engine - they have houses all over the nation. Oxford houses are clean and sober living arrangements and they all share a very reduced rent.
The guys learn about how to support themselves ... from other addicts in recovery who ARE supporting themselves. They learn how to find, and get to, meetings. They share their experience, strength and hope with each other in ways a family just cannot.
And if the person relapses... as my daughter did while in an Oxford House... it stops being Mom's fault, and they learn how to take a little responsibility for their own actions.
I wish you well... and hope you continue to read and post. There is a lot to learn!
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Out on the Ocean Blue
Posts: 272
Hi Guinevere! Sorry to hear your story - you will get a lot of help and support here at SR. I'm hoping my daughter doesn't lose her job because of her relapse (heroin addict) still trying to convince myself that I can't do anymore for her - but the end is coming near so must face the facts of her losing home job etc. Sending (((HUGS))))
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((Guinevere))))
Hi and welcome. I'm the mom of a 25 yo addict son.
You've come to a great place for support.
I found out my son was addicted to heroin when he was 19.
Before that he smoked pot, drank, and then started going to raves.
At the rave parties is where he experimented with ectasy, crack, and heroin.
He was addicted to H almost immediately.
He's been to 2-2 week stints in detox, methadone clinic for almost a year, and finally jail.
In jail, he was able to rid himself of the heroin addiction, but because he's never worked a program or taken sobriety seriously, he continues to use pot and alcohol again. A vicious cycle, I might add.
I could no longer live with my son, and had him leave my home in October of 2006. He currently lives with his father, who, btw, is also an alcoholic.
Can you say, 2 peas in a pod?
Keep coming back for prayers, support, and advice if needed.
Continue with alanon meetings, and learning to take care of you.
From one mom to another,
Linda
Remember...
1. You didn't cause it
2. You can't control it
3. You can't cure it
Hi and welcome. I'm the mom of a 25 yo addict son.
You've come to a great place for support.
I found out my son was addicted to heroin when he was 19.
Before that he smoked pot, drank, and then started going to raves.
At the rave parties is where he experimented with ectasy, crack, and heroin.
He was addicted to H almost immediately.
He's been to 2-2 week stints in detox, methadone clinic for almost a year, and finally jail.
In jail, he was able to rid himself of the heroin addiction, but because he's never worked a program or taken sobriety seriously, he continues to use pot and alcohol again. A vicious cycle, I might add.
I could no longer live with my son, and had him leave my home in October of 2006. He currently lives with his father, who, btw, is also an alcoholic.
Can you say, 2 peas in a pod?
Keep coming back for prayers, support, and advice if needed.
Continue with alanon meetings, and learning to take care of you.
From one mom to another,
Linda
Remember...
1. You didn't cause it
2. You can't control it
3. You can't cure it
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
I hope that your son continues to embrace recovery.
Keep working on you, it really is the key to success, both for you and him. Enabling him is not the answer, he is an adult and must be responsible for himself.
His freedom is his freedom, he will make his own choices, whether they are good or bad, you cannot control them, or, control him in any aspect(s) of his life. It is his choice.
I hope that your son continues to embrace recovery.
Keep working on you, it really is the key to success, both for you and him. Enabling him is not the answer, he is an adult and must be responsible for himself.
His freedom is his freedom, he will make his own choices, whether they are good or bad, you cannot control them, or, control him in any aspect(s) of his life. It is his choice.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Welcome Guinevere. So glad you could make it here. So many wonderful people here to listen.
I am trying to get my son to want to go to a rehab. So, I am thankful for you that your son realized he has a problem and volunteered to check in.
I don't have experience in the area of "what happens when he gets out", but others here do.
I hope he sticks to it, and I hope you find peace with it all.
I am trying to get my son to want to go to a rehab. So, I am thankful for you that your son realized he has a problem and volunteered to check in.
I don't have experience in the area of "what happens when he gets out", but others here do.
I hope he sticks to it, and I hope you find peace with it all.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Hey Guin,
My son is 16 and is currently in rehab for the 4th time. The first three times were short programs and he never leftr successfully. This time it has been a year since he has been in a program, and he is now in a long term program. He has been in for about 6 weeks, relapsed on a weekend pass and is now continuing on. I hope your son does well in rehab. He is older and he put himself into rehab, so both of those things are good. As said above, it is up to him. I have been on the site for about 2 months, and it has helped immensely! I feel so much stronger now. Take it a day at a time, sweetie.
The best piece of advice I was given here was to remember that I am not my son's HP. I need to step out of the way and let him hit bottom and let God work. This has helped take such a huge burden off my shoulders.
krhea
My son is 16 and is currently in rehab for the 4th time. The first three times were short programs and he never leftr successfully. This time it has been a year since he has been in a program, and he is now in a long term program. He has been in for about 6 weeks, relapsed on a weekend pass and is now continuing on. I hope your son does well in rehab. He is older and he put himself into rehab, so both of those things are good. As said above, it is up to him. I have been on the site for about 2 months, and it has helped immensely! I feel so much stronger now. Take it a day at a time, sweetie.
The best piece of advice I was given here was to remember that I am not my son's HP. I need to step out of the way and let him hit bottom and let God work. This has helped take such a huge burden off my shoulders.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: on the road
Posts: 110
Hopefully, it will be a new beginning. During sober times, my daughter made wonderful friends and support through NA. It is a tough battle for them. My daughter is a heroin addict and is 21 years old. Currently she has relapsed, and will soon have nothing as well.
Here are some Naranon literature suggestions:
Do: Note the effect the user has on each member of the family.
Do: Always encourage attempts to seek help.
Don't accept guilt for another persons actions.
Don't nag, argue, lecture or recall past mistakes.
Don't over protect, cover up or rescue from the consequence.
Don't neglect yourself or be a door-mat.
Don't forget addiction is an illness, not a moral issue.
Do allow other people to accept their own responsibilities.
Don't manipulate or make idle threats.
Do involve yourself with the activities of Naranon
Do learn to be open and honest.
Don't yearn for perfection in yourself or others.
Do grow day by day, by reading Naranon literature.
Do remember to focus on your own reactions and attitudes.
Don't overlook the growth opportunities of a crisis.
Don't under estimate the importance of release with love.
Do please try to manage your anxieties one day at a time.
Don't start the recovery program with the user. Start with the family at naranon, meetings and learning the difference between destructive and constructive help.
jeepgirl
Here are some Naranon literature suggestions:
Do: Note the effect the user has on each member of the family.
Do: Always encourage attempts to seek help.
Don't accept guilt for another persons actions.
Don't nag, argue, lecture or recall past mistakes.
Don't over protect, cover up or rescue from the consequence.
Don't neglect yourself or be a door-mat.
Don't forget addiction is an illness, not a moral issue.
Do allow other people to accept their own responsibilities.
Don't manipulate or make idle threats.
Do involve yourself with the activities of Naranon
Do learn to be open and honest.
Don't yearn for perfection in yourself or others.
Do grow day by day, by reading Naranon literature.
Do remember to focus on your own reactions and attitudes.
Don't overlook the growth opportunities of a crisis.
Don't under estimate the importance of release with love.
Do please try to manage your anxieties one day at a time.
Don't start the recovery program with the user. Start with the family at naranon, meetings and learning the difference between destructive and constructive help.
jeepgirl
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
With sincere appreciation . . .
Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I appreciate your sharing your experiences and the results.
There were moments of real insanity for me right before my AS (I think that is the right abbreviation for addicted son) entered treatment. About every hour bad news hit. I could not have taken it much longer. I was cracking.
Your postings are most helpful. We share a concern, but we cannot control or change another person. I know the words . . . now I need to grasp and internalize them.
Love and hugs to all who wrote!
There were moments of real insanity for me right before my AS (I think that is the right abbreviation for addicted son) entered treatment. About every hour bad news hit. I could not have taken it much longer. I was cracking.
Your postings are most helpful. We share a concern, but we cannot control or change another person. I know the words . . . now I need to grasp and internalize them.
Love and hugs to all who wrote!
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Welcome Guin...
Sorry you have to be here!!! Soooo glad you found us. This board has been a life saver for me. I just discovered last may that my 29 year old daughter is a junkie. Since that time, she has lost everything...her job..she was a registered nurse, her son, I am currently raising him, her apt....she is homeless.
I cried for months, and still can cry fairly easily, but not quite as easily as at the beginning. The folks on this board saved my life. They are angels!!! Feel free to post often, it helps with the process. Sometimes just talking with people who truely understand your pain, helps as nothing else can.
We're with you....
Prayers for all our addicts, and all those they affect!!!
Sorry you have to be here!!! Soooo glad you found us. This board has been a life saver for me. I just discovered last may that my 29 year old daughter is a junkie. Since that time, she has lost everything...her job..she was a registered nurse, her son, I am currently raising him, her apt....she is homeless.
I cried for months, and still can cry fairly easily, but not quite as easily as at the beginning. The folks on this board saved my life. They are angels!!! Feel free to post often, it helps with the process. Sometimes just talking with people who truely understand your pain, helps as nothing else can.
We're with you....
Prayers for all our addicts, and all those they affect!!!
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