Bjen

The thing that drove me most crazy was the inconsistency. If you gonna be and A@@hole then be and A@@hole. If you are gonna be nice, be nice. Just pick one so I know how to deal with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

caughtinthemid

"how long do u hang in there and/or do u know when gods answer is no,because i have something better for u"

jackiehelpnmike,

I just now saw your post. Without getting too spiritual on you, I guess I don't hear a direct answer. Either my prayers come to fruition or they don't. I feel a certain peace giving my concerns over to God, and either they get answered in my way, or something else happens to make me understand why I didn't get *my* way.

I would continue to pray for what you need or want, and keep hanging in. He is listening.

teke

i agree with you caught, on those 3 answers, i believe that god answers, but not always the way we want or expect him to. i find peace in knowing that once i've turned it over, time will work things out and then i'll know what my answer was all along

eaglesgirl

The inconsistencies... (whether it be attitude or explanations...)

Trying to reach him on his cell phone, only to receive the old "User Not Available" message...(BOY, Nextel sure put THAT phrase to good use!lol)

rayofsunshine

The paranoria at night... when he couldn't sleep from being high on meth, he would hear all kind of things outside that he would have to go check on.
Up and down all night.

jackiehelpnmike

my mother-in-law tells me that god will answer and some times we don't like his answer.but she said one of my probs is not standing back and letting god handle it.i'm just use to fighting on my on i don't know how to back off. thanks again for the comments.so glad i found this place

caughtinthemid

"but she said one of my probs is not standing back and letting god handle it.i'm just use to fighting on my on i don't know how to back off"

Amen to that! (Don't know why my quote button is busted!)

The trick is, when you give it over, you gotta let go! I am ashamed to think of how many times I prayed for something, but at the end said, "but please don't ask me to do this or that"

I am such a control freak!

mikiglen

the what i call "jail glen"
whenever my exah is in jail or rehab....i constantly get the "God put us together for a reason" stuff. how we are truly husband and wife (not), and bound together, and should stay together. telling me i shouldn't see anyone else cause we are going to work things out, and it would kill him if i dated (he LIVED with another girl off and on the last two years)....."i love you. i want to be a good husband and father", and all the biblical quotes
God, i wish he'd just leave me alone
he didn't think or care about us when he was out using and hurting us.....i don't want to hear all this stuff now, ya know?

introspection

my thoughts exactly - i absolutely hate all the cigarette burns. they are a screaming reminder of it all, not to mention ruins perfectly good furniture and carpets...

dreamwvr

How about the late night cooking marathons...My A is very good for that, you knew that the next step was he was passing out, leaving a wonderful mess to clean up.

WantsOut

Both DS and I walking past AH snoring and passed out in broad daylight as if nothing was wrong or abnormal with this scene.

teke

him bringing home bill money every other wk when he gets paid wkly and expect the money to last forever.

his inability to understand that bills are to be paid every month and there is no extra money for drugs.

him coming off a binge after spending the whole paycheck, hungry and tring to eat what little food that i was able to get from a food bank or church for me and the kids, sorry but this just ain't happening.

cinderellawkids

Just living with them dries us crazy enough

1dayatatime

My Crazy Days of trying to fix, manipulate and control!

Thinking I was a step ahead, only to find I was 10 steps behind in finding out what he was doing.
Going thru his personal belongings, his vehicle, his duffle bag coming home from work (he worked out of town 4 days of the week). No amount of evidence (actual drugs or paraphenilia) i found ever made him admit he was doing drugs. The stuff i found was always, "Yea that was from before i quit".
Trying to cinvince him he was an addict and that i was infact sane, HA HA HA.
Those cell numbers, the redialed numbers, the NUMBERS drove me crazy. To this day I don't check my caller ID since my recovery, lol. I don't check any cell numbers and cringe at the site of a cell bill. Tracing numbers thru reverse lookup UGHHHH, there were ALOT of numbers to verify, check and try to remember. Seeing all those numbers and trying to figure out who were the drug dealers and who were just friends etc. Oh the insanity!
Many things drove me insane, and I was insane trying to convince my addict I was sane. Now thats just INSANE!

I am glad them days are gone. If anything I did could help another in there battle to try and fix there addict it is this "I found recovery and quit trying to convince him he needed to recover".

laketime

the rage they can carry out on the only people who care about them. they make you fell like you should be the one to apologize

MsPINKAcres

Standing outside your front door, taking a deep breath before you walk inside your house, not knowing what you are going to find on the other side of that front door - the angry, withdrawing user, the happy husband, the passed out addict/alcoholic or him dead from an overdose.

The saddest part about this is that toward the end of the active years, I began to pray for the last option on a hourly basis and that he would take me with him.

Glad to not be there mentally anymore.

Rita

patchoulli

I have been finding lots of cellophane things. The cellophane that comes off cigarette packs, but the pack is nowhere in sight. Or I am finding lots of aluminum foil pieces folded up. looks like the foil in a pack of cigarettes, but the pack is nowhere around. Also the burn holes in the blankets[scary since i must have been sleeping when he did this].

cinderellawkids

Drapes and blinds shut on a beautiful day. ALways thinking someone is watching (and this behavior when he's not high)

teke

japic: i literally quit my job, cause i just couldn't work for fear of coming home and all my things would be gone. 4 tvs in the house and i came home and they all were gone. kids toy, when we came home and the kids saw someone running out the backdoor, after they had left the broken piggy banks in the middle of the floor, i told the police who i thought it was but i didn't have the heart to tell the kids that it was dad. how did i know? he accidentally lost his license in the yard and when i asked him about finding his licenses he went to tell me that he bought the piggy banks and that they were his. he told on himself and i didn't have to accuse him. i didn't think to make him leave, i just quit work myself. thats how sick i had become.

1dayatatime

The dilated pupils. I don't miss trying to figure out weather he was high on crack, cocaine, high on narcotics which one who knew-heroin-oxy's-or percocets.

The drug tests. I would let a drug test determine how I was gonna feel for the day, week, month. If he refused, I was upset, if he took it and it was positive, I was upset. And in some sick way, if they were negative I was upset. If they were negative I didn't know the next course of action. Because upset is all i knew to do.