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Loved Ones in Prison

Old 05-11-2007, 10:26 AM
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Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm busy busy busy working and running 3 kids to all their after school activities. Staying busy helps keep me from getting down, but sometimes I'm stretched very thin. LOL... although the scales don't show that. HaHaHa

Anyone else want to share their story about a loved one in prison?
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Old 05-15-2007, 04:35 PM
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Hello everyone. Today is not going good at all. 1 boy was talking about my dad and another 1 was laughing and i got so mad, that I started crying and my sisters acted like nothing had happened. I was trying to beat up the boy but the boy laughing and my sister got in-between us. So I went home. Dont they listen to a thing our father has said. He always saying stick with your blood even if it is over something stupid, to stick up for them. And my sisters are going to go off and not even do that. I have been crying for like 30 minutes now.

I have notice that I am coming a little to violent. And for some reason i keep thinking that the reason that I am is because im trying to live up to my brothers expectations. I think that problay because he has been in over 100 fights only lost 3. But i dont think he has expectations for me.

Well got to go. Bye.
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Old 05-15-2007, 05:51 PM
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Hi all,
I am divorced.
Have two sons. The youngest is in prison for the 3rd time and has been there this time 2 years with 2-3 more to go.

Yesterday my oldest went back to jail because he couldn't keep off the drugs. He was on probation. He might be looking at 3-5.

All my kids are in jail.

God help us all, it is just so darn sad.
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Old 05-15-2007, 06:11 PM
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Sorry about your sons, Wascally. It is so sad. Drug addiction just sucks, really. Today, I was outside planting flowers, enjoying the peace and quiet and sunshine. What goes by my house but the inmate prison road crew bus, honking the horn and yelling. I'm assuming my AH was on there, because his crew works this area occasionally. I was just thinking, how I never thought my life would turn out this way. With my H yelling at me from the inmate bus ... all because of a drug addiction.

Sadness, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Kids can be so mean. You didn't cause any of your dad's problems or where he is. Try not to even care what those kids think. I try to think of it as they'll reap what they sow one day. They'll get their payback one day when life deals them some hard lesson. You are worth so much more than what they think. Give your time and compassion to someone else who may be having a tough time. Those mean kids aren't worth your thoughts. I saw a quote the other day "He who angers you controls you". Take care of yourself.

Dakota........ Dakota........ where are you?
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Old 05-25-2007, 11:35 PM
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sunshine, babs, are you guys still round?
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Old 05-26-2007, 12:00 AM
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Hi Dakota!
How are things with you? And with Pip and the boys? I hope you're doing well and although I don't share here very often, I still look in from time to time.
take care,
cmc
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Old 05-26-2007, 09:25 AM
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brother's been in prison-meth. youngest son's been in prison--meth. he's visiting his wife in prison today--meth.

why?

what is so wrong with life today that people are turning to drugs for help?

Where is the fun in keeping your head so screwed up that you don't know what is going on, that you alienate yourself from your family and friends, you give up everything that used to be important to you to support your habit?

What is the attraction to the drug that keeps addicts from seeing beyond their sickness?

What is the initial attraction to the drug that lures someone to take that first hit with the kind of education we have today and examples set by others that show us where drugs lead?

It's influence has the greatest meaningful impact on those who have experienced it first hand and to those of us who love them.

How can this destructive craze be stopped?
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Old 05-26-2007, 02:04 PM
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Hey Dakota! We've missed you! Hope you and Pip and the boys are doing ok,
give us an update from Australia! It's hot in NC... mild drought conditions. we are
2 inches below normal on rain. It's in the high 80's usually. My AH has 7 more months to go before being released from prison. He's seems to be doing good. Sometimes we can't get along when he calls for his weekly phone call... seems he always has something to say about how I don't write enough, how I don't check the mail often enough to get his letters, why do I do this, etc. I've actually had to hang up a couple times, and he's getting better. I really need normal conversation if you know what I mean. We are going to visit Sunday. Other than that kids are keeping me busy. Son is playing baseball. Just hit his 1st homerun this week. So I'm a proud momma. Good to hear from you, Dakota.
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Old 05-27-2007, 06:48 AM
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Brokenheart, I had a reply to you typed up yesterday and before I could post my computer started going crazy. Some kind of trojan, finally got it cleared up a few minutes ago. I wanted to welcome you to our thread and thank you for sharing your story. Meth was my AH doc also. Also his sister and her husbands doc also. So I've seen some extreme behaviors/ between the 3 of them. My SIL lost so much weight, and had the classic sunken in face you see pictures of when researching meth.

From what I've read and heard, it's usually either the speed effect, the energy, or the allure to lose weight with meth is the reason most people try it. But once they try it, they become a slave to the drug as it is so hard to quit. In the beginning, they don't know the highly dangerous chemicals that it's made from, but after they're hooked, they just can't really care, they just need more of it. Thankfully, as with any drug, there are success stories of quitting. The addict just has to want it bad enough. Right now, I'm not sure if my AH does. He says he does, (but he's said there many times before in rehab and jail).
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Old 05-28-2007, 08:54 AM
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Update on visit with AH sunday..... he explained the road crew incident (in post above) says they were working a few miles down the road, he talked the bus driver (when they were heading back) into taking our road so he could see the house. Anyways, we had a good visit. Youngest daughter went, she's 10 and a daddy's girl. She's smart though, and told me before we went in if you and daddy start arguing, I want to leave. I don't want to have to hear that. But there wasn't any arguing. He talked about how it breaks his heart for oldest daughter not to visit or write or talk to him. I told him he is reaping what he sowed. If he expects a good relationship, he's going to have to sow differently when he gets out. And mostly did a lot of talking and catching up ... I can see he's doing ok for now. I did let him know when he gets out, I won't be the wife who sits at home pretending everything is ok when its not like before. I've found peace in my home living without the chaos of addiction and I won't give that up.
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:36 AM
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Sunshine,
you sound so confident within yourself these days. What a strength you are mate.
We are all doing well here. The drought is still on and weather don't seem to be looking any better in the near future. Fingers crossed!
Pip is doing well and has taken step after step in the right direction where her family are concerned. It is so good to see how happy and comfortable she is becoming with them all. She keeps in regular contact with her son by way of the phone, and has invited him to stay with us for four weeks this coming X-mas. It's a long way of but it is realisticly the next best opportunity.
I have been really busy setting a few goals in my life instead of bobbing around aimlessly waiting for opportunity to come to me, which I might add never does. I have been a man of pure journey for long enough and have needed to make massive efforts set a few destintions for my life. I don't want another decade to go by with me saying, If only I had have done that ten years ago. I ain't no spring chicken, but I reakon I got enough time left on the clock to follow a dream or two.
I haven't been doing too much recovery, well not conciously anyway and have felt like a break from continually self annilising. Finding life outside of recovery I suppose and what doors await me to open......but I will be making more time for my recovery so it does not suffer.

To cmc,
good to hear you still dropping in mate.
babs,
are you still out there.
broken heart,
welcome.
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Old 05-31-2007, 08:14 AM
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Dakota, You sound good mate! Sometimes a break is needed to find yourself. Glad to hear things are well with you and Pip and her son and you're getting to follow a dream
or two. That's great. Go for it! You can make it happen.
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Old 05-31-2007, 08:49 PM
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Hi Gang,

Wow, this is just like old times! Always good to see Ray and CMC and Dakota.....you guys sure guided me through some rough times, but as tough as they were, they were twice as rewarding.

There has been a lot of healing amongst the boys and me. They have been very supportive and we have talked through a lot of old baggage and put it away.

In looking back, I found it SOOO hard to put an end to the pain, but once I did and once I tasted the peace of living without addiction, my life is totally new. I could never have done it without you guys. I will be eternally grateful!

Dakota, getting out there and living our recovery is what it is all about. How glorious to be in a spiritual place where we don't have to dissect every thing we do in order to measure our progress........where we can fully enjoy the journey instead of always checking to see if we have arrived at the destination. Living a full. loving, spiritually satisfying life is the very heart of recovery.

Brokenheart and Sadness.....we were all once broken and sad, too. There IS hope, and your life CAN get better. There are some very old souls here with tons of wisdom to share. I feel humbled by how much I was given here when I was in pain.

I love you guys. Thanks for dragging our thread back up.

Babs
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Old 06-29-2007, 01:03 PM
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Hey everyone. Looks like everyone hasnt been on in awhile. Im am so p*ssed off at my dad. In prison he is on Level 4. And that is max. securtity. I spent the week at my other grandparents. [His step mom and dad.] My 8 year old half brother and 1 year old half sister were there. My dad called from jail to talk to my brother and did not say 1 d*mn word to me. My grandpa told him I was there. He could at least of said hi or I love you. I was there for 5 days and everyday he talked to my brother. He wrote my grandma[that i live with] a note saying he already screwed up his relationship with me but not with my brother so he was trying to keep from screwing up his relationship with my brother. I got mad at him when he got arrested but it didnt really screw up that relationship that bad. And if he screw it up why cant he try to make it right? He wrote a note to my grandma saying that he would never turn his back on me like my grandma did to him or her mom did to her but look what he has done. He turnt his back on me, just he thought he screwed up your relationship. He is going to miss my 16th birthday. he has never been there for me. My worst fears are him being in jail for life or him getting killed over a drug fight. A shouldnt being fearing of things like that. He has miss almost every birthdy and holiday since I was 1. I want him to be there for me. I cried all day. Because he called everyday for 5 days but did not say 1 word to me. Am I not good enough to talk to? Im sorry I want to talk to my father. I havent seen nor talked to him since January 6th. Yet he cant say hi or i love you. Its been like 5 months since I seen him or heard a word from him. His drugs more important then me. Well I got to go everyone.
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Old 06-29-2007, 02:54 PM
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Smile

To those who have a loved one in prison, there is an excellent forum here...
www.prisontalk.com
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Old 06-29-2007, 03:01 PM
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Hi everyone.
Thought Id pop in and say HI too. I ahd a weird dream last night. As you guys now my first husband, ex for 6 years is in prison on a life sentence. Recently my oldest son has ben emailing his half brother through myspace, and of course nothings been said about their Dad, both accept and love their step dads. (Even though my AH and I are separated he visits the kids)
Last night I had a dream that Ah was exhusband, and kids were coming to see him. Bizarre huh. I almost this morning emailed him (current AH) a pic of exs kids thinking they were his. I feel real messed up.
AH got a letter yesterday saying his civil rights were reinstated, he was excited and said, now I have to shape up, I cant go back?
WTF, how can a piece of paper have such an effect? I think to him it means more than voting and a passport
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:25 AM
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Sadness:
ďBecause he called everyday for 5 days but did not say 1 word to me. Am I not good enough to talk to? Iím sorry I want to talk to my fatherĒ

Hi sadness my name is Sean. Ive had been reading on this thread for a long time now. Iíve been in prison for about 2 Ĺ years and just now got work release and am able to post here for now while at work.( My mom mailed me stuff from this thread.) I have a son 13 years old and havenít seen him in 18 months or more, but I do get to talk to him. Itís kinda hard while locked up to be close to people. Different people are at different places in recovery or life and it tuff behind bars. This does not excuse your dad, but it is certainly not a reflection of you or your self worth. Iím not sure exactly how me and my son will relate when I get out in 9 more months. Itís been so long & ill have to ease back into the roll of being a father. My real father wasnít there for me when I was growing up either, so I know what it feels like to feel abandoned and mad. Try not to worry about him to much and just work on feeling good about who you really are. He is the one missing out! You are learning so much, I wish I could have found a place like this when I was younger and had the courage you have to seek support and guidance like you have. I hope you continue to read and post and I have the chance to do the same. Prison doesnít have to be the end of all things, it can also be the starting point for new things, but that up to the person themselves. I will keep everyone here in my prayers.

Hello to everyone else here also!
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:20 PM
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Hey Sadness. Sorry about how things are going with your dad. Can you write him a letter and just tell him how you feel? How he'll respond will be on him, but you'll feel better. Addiction robs the family of the addicted one of much joy... the simple things you mentioned... birthdays, holidays, family vacations, etc. You have a right to be angry and expect better. You can't change or control your father, but you can use what you know to make your own life happy. You are worthy to be treated so much better. Keep this in mind when making life choices... boyfriends etc. You deserve to be treated with respect, like a princess.

Thanks, Raerae. I've visited there before and it is a pretty good site.

Cinderella, glad you popped in over here. (I've been at the beach this week, so I'm just now popping in to catch up.)

LifeChange, good to see you posting here. We welcome you and hope you'll give us some insight from prison.

Dakota, hope you're doing ok. How's Pip and the boys?

And you, Babs?
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Old 06-30-2007, 07:38 PM
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Update on me...... I haven't posted lately here. Nothing really new to update unless I want to complain, and then it's really trivial compared to what others are going through. Does anyone else feel that way? My AH, I guess I should say RAH now, has been in prison 15 months now. He is scheduled for release the week after Christmas, about 6 months to go now. He's been clean for 15 months now. Attends Bible studies, NA, and weekly church services there. He's on work release 4 days a week. I prayed for a long time for God to change him and that he'd seek recovery. I truly felt like his arrest and prison time were an answered prayer. He's working recovery now, and I've had a time of peace without the chaos to work on me (my recovery from co-dependency and enabling, etc.) I struggle financially, but the Lord has really taken care of our basic needs... not alot of luxuries, but we get by.

But the thing I really struggle with is the weekly phone call from RAH ... we never have a decent conversation. (I've posted about this since the beginning... it's always about how I don't write enough or telling me to have the kids write, to have so & so write. How everyone gets mail but him and so on.) Sometimes I get mad and hang up I get so tired of hearing about it week after week, month after month, etc. I just want a normal conversation. Then I start thinking... will this ever work? We really cannot get along in a 10-minute collect call most times. The monthly visits start out that way too for the first 10-20 minutes,then are ok. I'm trying, but am I doing my best?

I hang on to anger and resentment for him being in prison and all the problems the drug addiction has created in our lives. How do you let go? I think it's because I don't want to be hurt again. Does anyone have any advice or experience to offer?
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Life Change View Post
Prison doesnít have to be the end of all things, it can also be the starting point for new things, but that up to the person themselves.

Thank you for this quote. I needed this today and will reflect upon it.
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