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Loved Ones in Prison

Old 04-05-2007, 07:58 AM
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Dakota, where are you? Check in when you can. We miss your valuable insight!
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:02 AM
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Just checking in. Hi everyone.
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:12 PM
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Dakota, Babs, Sadness, hope everyone is ok. Anyone else who wants to check in is welcome.

Things are calm with my AH for now. Nothing new to report. Our next visit
with him is Sunday. He has 8 1/2 months to go. (Dakota, your insight was so
valuable to me. I hope you'll check in and share some of your wisdom and inspiration with our newcomers.)
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Old 04-17-2007, 04:23 AM
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Hi All,

Funny thing, now that XAH is out of the house and out of my life, I am finding so many reasons to be happy and tranquil. I have been working a lot, mending lots of old hurts with my sons, fixing up my home, and just generally enjoying living. I had forgotten what it was like to be happy......but it didn't seem to take long to remember!

((Hugs)) to all,
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:33 AM
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Babs, I'm fixing up the house too. Painting currently. My teenage daughter has been a lot of help with this. We did her room first. She picked out a color called "carribean blue". It reminds me of the beach. A happy blue. It's amazing what a little color can do to plain white walls. Even though it took a lot of time and effort, especially the trim, it is so rewarding to see your efforts. I could stare at those new walls for hours! When they were out of school on spring break, my daughter did the hallway walls and trim herself.
A nice tan/taupe color with white trim. She did a great job. This past weekend, we started on youngest daughters room. She has green carpet and
a horse bedspread with grass etc on it, so we chose a nice coordinating green for her walls. Got one wall to go + trim. Painting is actually hard work!
I'm using muscles that haven't been used lately. But, its a good feeling.LOL
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:10 PM
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Hello everyone...I am a newbie around here.....My name is Kimmie also......KB works ... my husband is in prison....finishing up a ten year sentenc...long story but the sentence is done...now the state wants to keep him any way....his DOC was alcohol, he messed with some other things but nothing that was ever ongoing....the alcohol was his downfall many times and he has spent the better part of out 26 years together in prison about 20 total....something happened this time and he learned his lesson...I can only thank the HP for that because I am unsure if I would have survived that life for another go round......we lived a fast life filled with lots of money and parties...we hurt each other alot and destroyed ourselves... funny how what I once thought was a great life is suddenly not so attractive...the money...none of it seems worth it....we lost so much....

I am an alcoholic myself with a taste for cocaine when I am drunk....I have been sober going on two years now.....

I miss my husband more than I can ever express and while I would love to put those feelings into words ...the tears fall with each letter I type and my heart breaks each time I look at th eempty chair or my boys as they grow into young men without their daddy
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:57 PM
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Welcome, KB. Thanks for sharing your story here. (You have an eloquent way of writing.) My AH and I's 19th wedding anniversary is coming up in July. He's been an addict most of those years with his disease rapidly progressing the last 5 years before he finally messed up one to many times and went to prison. I know what you mean about seeing "his" chair empty, and the kids growing up without a dad. For a mother its heartbreaking to see other kids and their daddy while mine have to communicate via a letter in the mail or an occasional hour visit on visitation days at the prison.

Congratulations on your 2 years sober. I'm so glad to hear stories of hope. I really hope things work out where your H can complete his sentence and get home soon. Saying a prayer for your H and for you.
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Old 04-18-2007, 05:37 AM
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Thanks Ray of Sunshine
for the support and I am sorry to hear that your H has found himself in the arms of the system...has it changedhim at all or just embittered him. Iknow from my experience that there was so much bitterness that Scott could not see the forrest for the tress for the ten years he was in this last bid....He did his time, but he really learned nothing. Then the world collapsed and they said "by the way Mister B, you can't go home..we believe because of your previous offenses you may be a danger to society...so we are going to hold you pending trial....or ...by the way...at trial if we deam you dangerous the holding time is a day to life." Suddenly he was taken to a facility that is nothing short of a dungeon, told he is no longer a prisoner but a detainee, and now we just wait. Nothing much to do but read trial transcripts andlisten as doctors andlawyers rehash your life with a fine toothed comb and make you look like a monster.....there is AA and there is counselig (if you call it counseling) ..he attends both...but our HP definately reached down from above with an open hand and gave him a good slap across the face to wake him up......

in the mean time I raise my children alone and I do my best to feel like a complete human being..A total impossibilty when my entire life sits in the hands of a state that cares so little for my familial situation..Sobriety believe it or not has not been as hard as it was years ago....now I focus on other things and the desire is gone...I thank my HP for that....

Be Back Later to check in
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:32 AM
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Hi KB, I'm sorry about your H's present situation. Just have faith that your HP
has him just where he wants him to be for this moment. Praying things work out for him and for you.

When my H 1st was arrested for probation violation for failing drug test, he knew he was on his last chance and his sentence would be activated. He had 3 previous chances (had been sent to 3 rehabs in lieu of sentence activation). He wasn't doing great in the beginning. The 2nd visit we went to there was snack/drink machines in the area. He told me that was the room they had Sunday church services in. I gave him a $10 bill so he could purchase drinks/snacks. He took it knowing he wasn't supposed to have it. He was searched at the end of visit and caught with it. He was sent to the "hole" for 10 days and couldn't make phone calls/have visitors for a while. Still, he was not showing signs of change/recovery. By Dec. last year, I couldn't stand taking his phone calls. It was always a "why do you not do this" conversation. Why don't you write me, why don't you visit more often, why why why. So I stopped taking phones calls, stopped writing, stopped visiting. He drove his family and me crazy with calling all the time. (even though I wouldn't answer)

Finally after a couple months, I talked to him, and listened to him, and am trying to be supportive. He seems to finally be getting it. He attends NA meetings, and all church services offered. He is making crafts now for all his family. They take newspapers and roll them into small strips and cut into 3 inch strips. They use and glue together. He has built a couple gazebos, a lighthouse, a jewelry box, a picture frame, and also a little log cabin for my son. After glued together, they use instant coffee to stain the paper. It looks like wood stain and that it was built with little sticks of wood. He says he can feel so much love in him now he's never felt. He uses that love to build us these things. You can see it's very tedious and time-consuming the amount of work that goes into each piece they make. I'm hopeful he is changing, I know there's no guarantee. But the difference is I'm getting stronger this time, and I won't live that way again. Sorta like you said earlier about not having "one more time of that life" left. I don't have one more time left. I love him but he'll have to go if he chooses that life again.

You are amazing. Being married to a prisoner isn't easy. You have to do everything alone. You have to raise the kids alone. And find time to visit/write them if you're willing. You do all that plus work on your recovery. Your story is an inspiration to me. I'm sure others who read it will be inspired too. Thanks again for sharing.
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Old 04-18-2007, 06:49 AM
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AWWWW

There is nothing special here..just me...I do what must be done inorder to survive..unfortunately at times that has meant trying to kill myself with drink and drugs....I have not been the ideal mother but I have done the best I could and continue to do the best I can...My husband and I have traveled some very tough and tragic roads...some that others would have either died upon or at the very least fallen to pieces on.....we stubbled and fell a lot..strangely we always picked one another up..even when we did not realize we were doing it.....the prison system in the United States is a virtual slaughter house with a revovling door...noone come out a better person without a great deal of outside influence and help.....there is no help inside unless it comes from another inmate who happens to have been there for years and is there for life.....

Me, well I am often asked what I would change about mylife and when I say nothing...people giv eme a strange look..well if I changedon ething who would I be? I would not be who I am....and in truth I like me
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Old 04-18-2007, 07:05 AM
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You're right... theres not alot of help for improving ones self on the inside of jails / prisons. From what I can see, it's the outside groups who bring in programs that are making a difference. And also the long timers there who have offered advice/mentoring like you mentioned. My H is now speaking of wanting to be part of something that helps others when he gets out, because of how much they have helped him.

Now for the part you're not right....... LOL... you ARE special. You've filled some mighty tall shoes and succeeded where others might have failed in the end. For me, I often hear the phrase "I don't know how you do it". Only with my HP help can I do it. That's for sure!
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Old 04-18-2007, 07:09 AM
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My HP is all that has helped even when I did not know it ....my best friend...we shared a playpen when we were babies...said to me last year "Kim, I admire you because if I had to live you rlife i know I never would have made it".....she of course has a great job and a half million dollar house...a great husband..... had no choice is my answer..my only other choice was death and death is not an option when you have kids....
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Old 04-18-2007, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by kb615sb View Post
..... had no choice is my answer..my only other choice was death and death is not an option when you have kids....
You're so right. Death is not an option when you have kids ... heck, I don't even have time to be sick! LOL
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Old 04-18-2007, 08:35 AM
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Sunshione you are so right...let me tell you about it...everyone else can be sick but God forbid it is me....no no no...
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Old 04-18-2007, 10:28 AM
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Raising kids is rewarding but tiring work.... sometimes I'm thankful for my job so I can "rest" a bit. 2 of mine are teenagers... have to run somewhere all the time.
Oldest daughter just turned 16. Son is 14, and youngest daughter is 10.
How old are your boys?
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Old 04-18-2007, 02:30 PM
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Boys are 22...he is married with two boys of his own (5 and 10 months) and 18 and 12

18 year old is mentally retarded......12 year old is 12 going on 35
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Old 04-18-2007, 07:13 PM
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LOL... all mine think they know more than me! Sometimes they do.
I hope they've learned enough to stay out of trouble and not follow
in their fathers footsteps.
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Old 04-19-2007, 05:53 AM
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I know that fear ...but I think I am fairly safe
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:21 PM
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Kb, just curious, are you "waiting" on your H to get out? or not? I've had mixed emotions on this. Wanting to wait on him, then wanting to go ahead and
file for divorce, now waiting again. I've got one last chance for him, if
he messes up he'll have to go. Its scary to think about, if he messes up, almost 2 yrs wasted waiting. But, if he changes for real this time it will be a miracle
that I've waited so long to see. (will be married 19yrs in july)
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Old 04-20-2007, 05:16 AM
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Ray of sunshine.....waiting ..wow..been doing that for years and I know exact what you mean....will he change? can he change? Scott has Iknow that and that is not the issue for me......right now my big fear is them keeping him forever now...I have been alone so long and I miss him terribly....two years is a cakewalk ...I have done a lot more...PM me is you would like and I will really get into details...this is an open forum...do not want that much out there.....
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