Loved Ones in Prison

Old 03-13-2008, 12:47 PM
  # 481 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Well they let him out.. no bail no nothing...
Oh well appears to be the same old. I am supposed to once again appear in court this month.. no kids do not have the legal right to say, "no"- nor do I.. or any other adult.. even a policeman. IF I don't go to court AGAIN..

The definition of insanity they say is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response. I think I am done.. Such a waste of time and energy and money..

My kids know.. I know..
Nope- he sure doesn't look like someone who uses crack.. or sells it.. or doesn't have a license or insurance.. or hangs out with pimps, prostitutes, rapists or gang bangers.
He looks like a CEO-VP when he feels like it. He is your child's coach.. The guy you sit next to in church..

I think I am done.. Honesty is- if I quit saying "no"- if I just shut-up.. He has no problem with me..
It is true.. my children know. doubt their friends or their friends parents have a clue.. Sure hope he didn't, doesn't feel like using drugs when he picks up not just my kids.. everyone elses kids.. and they are at his home.. Sure hope he paid for them and his friends don't feel like visiting him that day.

Nope- my kids know.. a lot about crack cocaine- the people who choose to use it and sell it. They know a lot about the world of crack cocaine.. what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. I don't think THEY will use it.. now, other people and their kids??
Oh well.. maybe if it personally affect them.. the laws will change or they may feel like enforcing them.. I guess it really isn't my problem or responsibility..

I'm not a policeman, a judge, a lawmaker. I'm not a CD counselor or a psychiatrist or a social worker. I'm not a priest or spiritual leader.. Not even a security guard or private detective!! Is it really my job or responsibility??
Nope I am just a mom.. I think I will let the leaders- the one's who know how it works and get PAID to do a job.. do it or not.

I think it is time.. to change. Really let go.
When you think of it... really what is the worst thing that can happen if I quit??

-by the way guys... he works.. but nope he doesn't pay not just child-support- he doesn't pay taxes either.. Everybody better start working a little longer and harder and faster- he isn't going to!! Not today!! Well at least he is now breaking into other people's homes and stealing their checks and identity..
Not just my problem anymore..
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Old 03-13-2008, 12:53 PM
  # 482 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2007
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:ghug3 to you.

to him.

This too shall pass....This too shall pass...
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Old 03-13-2008, 01:14 PM
  # 483 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Thanks.. I apologize for my anger.. I hope no one here thinks it is directed at you. It isn't..
I get so darn frustrated..
Kitty you are correct- thank you for reminding me that this too shall pass..
Just last night my alanon sponser who is also my spiritual mentor sent me an email.

To have faith in others.. is not a good thing.. people are human and will let us down.. faith in HP..
I have to laugh.. I sure had that last night... appears that went right out the window today!!! My faith went into a person in a black robe with a title, "judge"...
Hmm that didn't end up feeling real good!!

No- don't believe my HP/judge.. would be real pleased with me if I quit.. Yes, I think he has some expectations of me.. that's all that I should really be concerned about.
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Old 03-22-2008, 06:48 AM
  # 484 (permalink)  
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Hi Everyone. Just checking in. Things are going ok here. RAH has been home from prison for 2 1/2 months now. RAH is working a steady job he likes. His bossman knows his past and also is a good mentor to him. Sometimes I do have anxiety because of all I've been through in the past with him. I have to remind myself of "one day at a time" and just for today... Just for today, things are ok, my kids are enjoying having dad take them fishing, take them to the dragstrip near our house, helping with school projects etc. I am enjoying the time also, getting things done together on the house, etc. The anxiety comes when I focus on him too much... worrying what if ... I have to put the focus back on me and live for today. I have boundaries still in place, so if things change, I will deal with whatever comes my way.

Thanks for listening. Just needed to write that out. I read the serenity prayer on another thread today... Ann has added the bold points.. it really spoke to me, and I wanted to share.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...anyone else

The courage to change the things I can....that would be ME

And the wisdom to know the difference...if it doesn't have my name written all over it, it's not mine.

Anyone want to check in? Babs, Hello-Kitty, Sadness... any new persons want to update or share your story about a loved one in prison.
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Old 03-22-2008, 06:16 PM
  # 485 (permalink)  
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Hi Gang,

I haven't been around much because I have been on an extended business trip and have been putting in a huge number of hours.

Glad to hear that things are going well for you Ray. I think of you often and send you good thoughts and positive too, Sadness, Cindi, and Kitty.

Although work has been constant, life has never seemed better to me. I love the new and healthy relationship with my sons. I love the peace in my life. I love not being afraid.

Love to all,
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Old 04-07-2008, 03:56 PM
  # 486 (permalink)  
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Babs and sunshine you both sound great!
Very in control concidering where you both have come from. very strong women who make their own destinies in life. Ill bet neither one of you thought it possable whilst in the midst of madness but here you are with direction in your own hands and not anothers.
We dont have too much choice over the cards we are delt in life, they seem to turn up any way they choose,but how we play them is completely within our grasp. Heres to playing cards our way with our rules.
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Old 04-07-2008, 04:33 PM
  # 487 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Pittsburgh, Pa
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Originally Posted by rayofsunshine View Post
Just read another thread that says it looks I'm working on me and my recovery now and enjoying a break from
the drama and chaos.
I'm glad I saw your thread. My son is facing time in prison and I just joined the group. He has been an addict for years but never faced jail time. Right now I have no idea how long he is going to jail. He got off so easy when he was origianally charge but blew his probation (like addicts do) so now he may have to serve his full term in a stat penn. But it is good to see that you are dealing with all of this well and "break from the drama and chaos" is certainly what I need!
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Old 04-08-2008, 11:16 AM
  # 488 (permalink)  
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Hello everyone. Dakota its good to see you pop in.
My home is chaos free for the moment as well
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Old 04-08-2008, 12:07 PM
  # 489 (permalink)  
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Hi friends, old and new.

A special 'hello' to you, Dakota- it's nice to hear from you again, I was wondering how you, Pip and the family were doing. Thanks for dropping by.

I haven't been over here for a long time. I'm lurking and reading every now and then and am so glad to see this thread continue to be of help to all who have loved ones in prison or jail. A huge thank you to Cinderella for starting the thread in the first place!

After living through all of what brought me to this thread, I find that sometimes I just need a break from those memories. In other words, I am slowly healing from the trauma of seeing close up and personal, the ravages of addiction.

There are alot of memories that recur at times and I feel the feelings I couldn't face when I was actually in the thick of things. I'm being gentle with myself and moving forward with my life and forever trying to place my focus on _me_ and what I need.

I'm getting back into Alanon after some time away and my life is pretty good right now. AS has almost two years clean and is getting married in May! He has a good job and a nice place to live. We are so happy for him and just love our new daughter-in-law.

By best wishes to all!
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:33 AM
  # 490 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Have not been here in a while. AH is serving his time in prison-30 miles from home. I have no intention of visiting. He did not get his 40-life as a habitual-10 years and will be home no later than next spring. He writes a letter every day. I write once a week. He sounds amazing well, but they all do in prison, don't they? He is in his first ever, substance abuse program and truly sounds like he is "getting it". It is a new program in the prison system and is quite extensive. He has already checked into NA meetings locally and is going to go. I believe he will and we will find some meeting to go together, also one has a family get-away each month. Just wait and see. I am doing well, I don't stress or go crazy anymore about him. Money is still a major problem but working through it also. I am just feeling comfortable with life again. Hope to get outside and garden, if the storms ever quit here. Gram is going to be 105 this yr., doing great(you would think she is my age). Life is good!!!!!!!

Glad to see names on this thread I recognize-was wondering about all of you.
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Old 04-09-2008, 05:27 PM
  # 491 (permalink)  
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This thread approaches 500 posts and is continued on Part 2, which can be accessed by clicking the link below.

Please join us at Part 2 of Loved Ones In Prison...
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