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Loved Ones in Prison

Old 11-08-2007, 09:28 PM
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Hello Everyone. how is everyone? Anyways. I have boy problems. I know that is not what this message board is for but maybe one of you guys can help me out. Boys are so confusing. Anyways. I like this boy. This boy has a girlfriend. I think about this boy 24/7. He knows I like him. Sometimes he acts like he cares that I like him and other times he doesnt. We have went out before but I broke up with everytime. But I cant let him go. I have a tendency to brake up with people when it gets serious. But I think I am pass that and I really like him. When I talk to him or see him I get butterflies in my stomach and it seems like nothing else in the world matters. Like my head gets light. Like I race out of 2nd hour and to get to 3rd hour just to see him in the hallway. Im falling head over heels for this boy but I am afarid that he wont be there to catch me and I will just fall and get hurt. Any advice? If you have any please give it to me. Thank you. Good Night.
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Old 11-10-2007, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by sadness123 View Post
Sometimes he acts like he cares that I like him and other times he doesnt. We have went out before but I broke up with everytime.
Hi Sadness,
Maybe the boy is a little confused because you've broken up with him alot in the past? I would say just give it time. Try not to obsess. Keep focused on your schoolwork and if it's meant to be, things will work out for you two.
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Old 11-10-2007, 07:28 AM
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Speaking of relationships, one thing I found living with an active addict and being a co-dependent...... you lose yourself. The world revolves around them and their addiction... trying to hide it, trying to control it, enabling it, etc. I've had 15 months of peace while AH has been in prison. I just don't want to go back to living in the chaos. I'm still working on finding myself, so to speak. I know I'm not the weak little doormat he left. But as a single parent, my world revolves around my kids right now, so I still don't have a lot of me time. Just thinking here... anyone have any thoughts to share? :morning
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Old 11-10-2007, 02:22 PM
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Im trying to focus on schoolwork but cant. And since the last time i broke up with him he asked me out again and again for a month but I just told him I had to go. I hid my feelings for so long. And it got to hard to hid them. And they just started coming out. And we had a dance Friday night. And I saw him dancing with other girls. And I just got sick to my stomach and could dance no more. And like every 5 minutes I would try to get back out there but it just didnt work. I cant hanle see him around other girls. I try to get advice from my friends but they dont really have advice. I want to try to brake up him and his girlfriend. But if I was in her spot I wouldnt want someone to do that to me. So Im debating rather I should. It just confusing. I dont think this boy likes me anymore. Because at the dance he didnt even say hi or bye to me but he did to my friends. And he was dancing with one of my friends. I cant believe either one of them would do that to me. Like I firgured he would be dancing with other girls but my best friend. Any more advice? I would appericate it.
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Old 11-10-2007, 09:16 PM
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Ahhh, young love. So intense! Sadness, just relax. It is what it is. You can't "make" anyone like you any more than you can "make" your Dad straighten up. Be yourself. Be fun. Be friendly. Remember that you are the only person you can change. Meanwhile, make lots and lots of new friends.....remember that the next boyfriend is always better than the last boyfriend. Why? Because you are changing every day, and what (or who) you like changes with you.

(((((Sadness))))

Ray, I keep seeing major dread in your posts.

If you feel you need to change your mind about giving him one more chance, you still have time to do that. You can even still do it after he comes home, it will just be harder. There are no easy decisions here. One way you hurt him....the other way you hurt you.

Try making a list of the reasons you think you should give it one more try, and a list of reasons you shouldn't. Which one is longer? Read September 3rd in the Language of Letting Go. Is it love or guilt? Can you go to some quiet place for a day and really search your soul about the matter? What would you be gaining? What would you be giving up? Try to look at it from a purely intellectual point of view instead of from an emotional one.

You know, of course, that the choice you make is less important than your belief in it, right?

((((((((Ray)))))))))))))))

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Old 11-12-2007, 10:09 PM
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I dont want the next boyfriend. I want the last one back. I think one of my friends told him I like him. Because he called me today, just to see what I was up to, not because he wanted anything. So I may be getting my best friend back. There is nothing about me that he doesnt know. I will see what happens. What ever happens, happens. Im not going to try to make anything happen. If it doesnt happen then its not meant to be. Hopefully it will work out all in my favor. We will wait it out and see. I will keep you guys udpated.
It's amazing how one phone call can change your whole day.
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:25 AM
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Its so hard to know what to say to someone when they are in prison. Just stupid stuff that u take for granted could take on a whole new meaning on their end. Some guy gave me a card cuz I was having a rough day, I wrote my bf and told him about it, cuz I tell him everything. One of my friends pointed out that that one sentence was probally driving him nuts. Anyone have a similar experience???
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Old 11-13-2007, 06:38 AM
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Originally Posted by sadness123 View Post
I will see what happens. What ever happens, happens. Im not going to try to make anything happen. If it doesnt happen then its not meant to be.
Great attitude, Sadness. I hope you have a good day!


Hi Graci,
Lifechange and Dakota who share on here could answer you question from a male (inmate and former inmate) point of view. Hopefully one of them will pop in. What I've found is every little thing is a big deal with my AH. I know it's hard being in prison, dealing with the day to day stuff, and missing your family etc, and doing this with a clear head and conscious because the drugs don't come as easy there. It's also hard on the loved ones left behind to pick up the pieces left by the missing person. So, take good care of yourself and keep posting. (Learn all you can about addiction so you know what you're dealing with. There's a lot of good sticky posts at the top of the Friends & Family of Substance Abuse board.)
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Old 11-13-2007, 06:49 AM
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Babs, I am having major dread. A little anxiety, and random thoughts keep invading my head. Thank you for your suggestions. I read the Sept 3 Lang.of Let. go. and I'll try to start working on the list. Truthfully, I don't want to think about any of it. But realistically, I know I've got to.
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Old 11-13-2007, 05:50 PM
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I changed my mind. He doesnt care at all. Here is our phone convo.
him: hello
me: hello
me:why didnt you call me back yesterday
him: cause other people called me
him: hold on
him: like other people just called me
him: i got to go talk to them.
Thats the end of it. I doubt anyone was on the phone. He problay just didnt want to talk to me. I shouldnt have made him wait that long. I shouldnt have played hard to get that wrong. I just never thought he would move on. And I dont have the guts to tell him I like him. But I think I know he knows that I like him. And he doesnt care. Any advice. What is a boy perspective on this whole situtation? Any comments would be nice. Thank you everyone.
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Old 11-13-2007, 06:21 PM
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Sadness, Maybe he's just not the one? Maybe just for the time being? You deserve a nice boy who will talk to you instead one that hangs up to go talk to friends. Good advice from Babs above....

Originally Posted by Babs View Post
. Be yourself. Be fun. Be friendly. Remember that you are the only person you can change. Meanwhile, make lots and lots of new friends.....remember that the next boyfriend is always better than the last boyfriend. Why? Because you are changing every day, and what (or who) you like changes with you.
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Old 11-15-2007, 03:41 PM
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Nevermind everything has changed since the last post. He called me and he was like do u like me and I said yes. So we are problaying going to go back out. The only thing kind of keeping us from going out is that we both have anger issues. lol. Im finally maybe going to get my best friend back. The one that knows everything about me. The one I can tell anything. Well I have to go. Bye.
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Old 11-15-2007, 05:55 PM
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Happy Birthday Dakota!2 :ghug2
Thank you for sharing with us!

(Theres another thread here wishing you Happy Birthday also!) Hope you are doing well.
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Old 11-15-2007, 06:43 PM
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Everything has changed since the last post again. He is still with his girlfriend and yesterday he told me they broke up but they didnt really. This is so confusing. I hate it. Why cant boys just be more simple and less confusing. Like girls are not even that confusing. Why would he even care if I liked him if he didnt like me back? Hes like sendind mixed-signals. And now his girlfriend wants to talk to me for some reason. He wont tell me what he told her. She doesnt even know me. I got to go. Bye
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Old 11-16-2007, 08:44 AM
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Accept the things you can not change...... and none of us have ever figured out how to change men! LOL

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Old 11-16-2007, 10:49 AM
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Old 11-17-2007, 10:37 PM
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I think his girlfriend is insecure or something. He isnt allowed to text or call me. I guess she is that afarid of losing him. She said we cant even be friends. And he is stupid for listening to her. This whole thing is so stupid. All i got to say is the 80/20 rule. He had an 80 now he got a 20. I let him talk to whole ever he wanted. I let him be friends with whoever he wanted. And then this 20 comes around and dont let him talk or be friends with certain people.
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Old 11-17-2007, 11:50 PM
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Trial date

Well, My BF's trial date is set for feb 4th. He was doing ok until this point and now when I talk to him it feels like he has lost hope. He wants to plead guilty and try to get a deal, but the friend he was arrested with wont take a deal, he wants to go to trial, therefore the prosecution wont let my bf plead and get a deal. He has no choice but to go to trial. He feels his friend has betrayed him. I try to tell him that I am with him i this and he isnot alone. He says he has to do this on his own. Its depressing wen he gets this depressed, its like he shuts down a bit. This too sahll pass I guess. The trial date getting set just brought everything up to the surface again. SIGH............
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Old 11-18-2007, 12:23 PM
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Sadness... this poem came to mind when I read your post...
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves.



Hugs, Graci. It's hard when they are dealing with the reality of their actions, especially doing it sober in a jail cell. Do something nice for you if you can. Taking good care of you will help give you the strength to get thru this.
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Old 11-18-2007, 10:29 PM
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But seriously that is shady. She is actin like his mother. How is she going to control him? I couldnt go allday with out talking to him. So i texted him 3 times and he texted me twice. Good enough, i guess. I kinda miss him. Even though we didnt talk everday before. He really got my hopes up by asking if I was single. Cuz i thought it was the real deal. What can I do? Any advice?
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