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Loved Ones in Prison

Old 08-09-2007, 05:02 PM
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well i am still working in the office. i have been training in several pos. and will be staying for a bit. i have some exciting news! i get a furlow this sat. to go home and visit. it is 12 hours and that is really cool. i havent been to my moms in over 2 and half years. i still have 7 months left to do and thats ok with me. i am still reading what i can and studing things and starting to take some of the steps that are needed to make my trans smother, like getting bills straight( or at least finding out what i owe), steps on getting license, health insurance.... most of my money i make is spoken for (well actually more than what i make LOL), but that is ok and wont allways be that way. i just need to do everything i can to do all i can. if that makes sence. my prayers are with all here, even when i cant read alot here. i hope everyone is doing ok, but i do know we are all right where God needs us to be right now! thanks for reading, and letting me share
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:44 PM
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Sean, sounds like you are doing all the right things. Great news on the furlough. Enjoy the trip to your moms. Your good attitude and focus on God is really inspiring. Reminds me of my favorite verse.... Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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Old 08-12-2007, 05:35 AM
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Hello Everyone. Me and my father hvae finally started communiticating. We been communitating like for the past 3 weeks. He typically calls once a week. And We usually both get 1 letter a week. So I have 2 letters, I would have 3 put he wrote the letter on thursday and they dont get mail on friday, saturday, or sunday. So I wont get it till Wednesday.
Last letter he got a little mad at me. Because I told him that if my stepmother had anything to do with him getting arrested, then I dont like her and he wrote back saying that I have no reason to be mad at her and so on. But whatever.
I hate it when people think they have to talk. Me and my best friend [who is in foster care] are like so mad at this girl named Bethany. My best friend wishs she never knew her. And so do I. She said I parents chose for them to be where they now and they chose for us to be where we are now. My best friend's mom is dead, so Bethany was basically saying that her mom chose to be dead. And she is basically saying that my dad chose to be in prison. And my mom and dad chose for me to live with my grandparents. And that my best friends parents chose for her to be in foster care. Bethany has it all wrong. She taked everything she has for granted. I would love to live with my parents or to at least visit them. I would love to go shopping with them. I would love to visit them or do anything with them. At its the same for my best friend. But Bethany takes it all for granted. I dont think she realizes that everything she has could be gone in a second. Me and my best friend realize that but Bethany fails to.
I was just thinking back to when I was little and I realized something funny. I barely remember anything from when I was over 3. And thats kind of funny because I lived with my parents until I was 3. I dont exactly remember the best moments but stilll. The one moment I have never forgot about is when I was 2 and a half and me and my 2 sisters were there in an apartment, the apartment was 1 big room with a bathroom but we couldnt get to the bathroom but anyways my mom and dad were fighting and throwing a bunch of glass at each other and we standing there telling each other when to duck.
Well I have to go. Good Morning everyone.
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Old 08-13-2007, 12:35 PM
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Hi Sadness. Glad to hear you're getting to communicate with your dad. He's probably right... HIS actions would have gotten him there eventually with or without the stepmom. So he is being honest and accepting responsibility for his actions. That's a good start to hopefully working on recovery.

I think the 3 C's of addiction kind of apply to the situation with your friends...
1. You didn't Cause it
2. You can't Control it
3. You can't Cure it
You only have control over yourself. You can't control what your parents choose to do or not do. No one is responsible for another persons choices. Try to remember, other people don't define you. You are your own person. I know its hard, but try not to let what uninformed people say bother you. They just don't know all the facts and sometimes say crazy things.
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Old 08-17-2007, 02:21 PM
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You know, I had a revelation earlier this week. I'm ok. I have more self-confidence
than I can remember having in a long time. I feel stronger. I have been questioning
myself, my recovery from co-dependency for a while now. Thinking... am I any better? Finally I started feeling it. So, if someone else might be going through this, I just wanted to let you know you WILL get there, you will start feeling better and stronger. Keep on keeping on. No matter what is going on in your life, you can take care of yourself, and you'll start feeling ok.
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Old 08-18-2007, 11:32 AM
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Hi Gang,

I have not been around much for a while. It has been just a year since they took my XAH away for the last time.....a year that has been both heartbreaking and exhilarating. I lost my only brother and my mother in this year as well as finally throwing in the towel on my 34-year long marriage.

At the year mark, I had a huge need to look back and look forward and evaluate where the heck I was.

I am at a point in my life where the coming years will be very different from the last. Was I ready? Had I learned enough lessons to avoid making all the same mistakes over again? Was I prepared to move forward into this whole new phase of my life and find the joys that had eluded me previously? I felt like I was standing at the threshold of my future, stripped of the baggage of my history and with endless possibilities before me. I didn't want to blow it...........again!

Have any of you ever heard of a vision quest? Originally it was a ritual of passage for young native American boys on the brink of manhood. They were prepared by their spiritual leader and then sent out into the forest to fast and commune with the great spirit in the hope of a vision for new direction in life. I decided that was what I needed to do, too.

The quest really seemed to clarify what I had together and what I still needed to work on, and in what order. Some things, like being able to be alone, were fine. Some things, like trusting a man, need serious study. Some things, like solo camping, I would do again in a heartbeat. Some things, like fasting for 4 days, I will never repeat.

I found that I actually had grown more than I thought I had. I also found that a huge part of my growth was directly related to this thread and the things I had learned here. I will be forever grateful to you all.

I love you guys.

Babs
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Old 08-18-2007, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Babs View Post
H I also found that a huge part of my growth was directly related to this thread and the things I had learned here. I will be forever grateful to you all.
Me too, Babs.

And thanks for the inspiring post today.
I learn so much from you and the others here.
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Old 08-18-2007, 06:27 PM
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Babs,

This board was/is my life raft.

It is so amazing what a difference a year can make, I am in such a wonderful place today, vrs a year ago.

I so appreciate my life today, and, everyone here.
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Old 08-22-2007, 03:17 PM
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We (my youngest daughter and I who's 10) visited with AH in prison Sunday. He
is doing much better emotionally than a few months ago. Used to, if he asked me
to bring one of the older kids and they didn't come, he would sulk and pout the entire
visit. He wanted our son to come, but son didn't want to. He will be at the high school now (starting next wk) and I think it embarasses him more now than it did where his dad is. Anyway, AH said he was sorry he didn't come, and he hopes they could work on the relationship when he gets out. No sulking or pouting. This may sound trivial, but it's major progress to me. Anyway, we had a good visit, we did leave about 30 min. early because of the heat. It was 100 degrees, visitation is held in a metal building with no air cond. (only ceiling fans).
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Old 08-22-2007, 03:18 PM
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Anyone with a loved one in prison or out now want to share their story?

or anyone have an update?

Dakota? Hope everything is well with you.
Lifechange? Hows the new job going?
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Old 08-24-2007, 05:30 AM
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well hello all. i wish i had more time to post on here and maybe soon i will. thanks for asking ray. the job is just getting better. i have been told that i am staying in the office and given my own little office space, and the phone and computer and all shuld be set up early next week! it does pay to just live right and work hard and keep my mind centered on what Gods will for me is. even though i dont always know what that may be if i just practice patience and keep searching, and let Him work it out for me while keeping myself straight it all comes togher. once iam all set up i hope to be able to post a little more and read more, although i still read what my mom sends me. i hope all are well and can check in soon and give us an update.
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Old 09-10-2007, 04:17 AM
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I just wanted to bring our old thread back into the present since the last several posts have been lost.....

We want Dakota to be able to find us when he drops by....

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Old 09-10-2007, 12:54 PM
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My father was busted for selling heroin and is facing possible time in prison.

My little brother is 17 and will have no place to stay if my father goes to prison (our mother is an addict as well and lives on the street).

I'm worried about my brother and stressed at the thought of having to take care of him. It's not that I don't want to....it's just a huge responsibility and I'm only 27 and so scared.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 09-10-2007, 02:18 PM
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Hi Kimmy, Sorry about your situation... that is tough. Prison for your father may be the time away he needs to straighten out his life. (Some use the opportunity to change, some just continue doing the same things once they get out.) I'll pray this will be your fathers time to change if he does get time. For me, my AH is currently in prison. I needed this time to work on me and the mess my life had become living with an active addict. Hopefully, this will work out to your brothers advantage if you are able to let him live with you. Just let him know your expectations and house rules up front, so it can be a positive experience for both of you as you deal with the changes if your father goes to prison. Keep reading and posting. There is so much support and encouragement here at SR.
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Old 09-10-2007, 02:25 PM
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Dakota, Glad things are going well for you. (I read your last post before the site crashed and it was lost.)

And Babs, I read yours also about the quest and how you never want to go back to the way things were a year ago. I don't either, and I think that is why I'm having such a tough time with my agreement to let AH have "one last chance". I can see a change in him, his family that visits him does too. Time will tell, but I am no longer a doormat, so we'll see how it works out or doesn't come Jan.
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Old 09-11-2007, 01:38 AM
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You are braver than I was, Ray, I just could not face going through it again, and with every day that passes, I am more and more sure that I made the right decision.

I answered the phone the other day without checking the caller ID, and it was my X. Crap! Usually I just don't care to talk to him and that day was no exception. Anyhow, I talked with him for a few minutes, and his old patterns emerged immediately. He only calls me when he wants something and then he tries to manipulate me with guilt when I politely decline. I couldn't wait to get off the phone. He is still in exactly the same place spiritually.

He still sees it as ME abandoning HIM! It is still all about poor, poor, him.....

Keep us posted on your decision. I may be a cynic, but you really sound like you are happier without him, and are thinking of letting him come home because he has made you feel guilty. I hope whatever decision you make is for Y-O-U! Because it is right for YOU. Because it is what YOU want for YOUR life.

Good luck, Girlfriend.
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Old 09-11-2007, 02:33 PM
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hi all. Just thought I would keep you posted. My ex is still clean and still living on my couch. He's still pissed that we aren't in a sexual relationship but what can I say, I'm just not that into him anymore. Plus he treated me like absolute crap before he went to prison. We were pretty much over then.

He doesn't have to check in with parole at all. He doesn't have to pee in a cup. Or anything. I was extremely disapointed about that as I told the people who came to my house that I wanted him in a recovery program if he was going to come back and live with me. They said that he would have to be in one but they were full of it. I guess all they care about is getting them out of overcrowded jails. Then they become our problem.

Anyway, he's doing ok. He reminds me of a sulky teenager most days. He has made contact with many of his old friends. He's not hanging out with the ones who used, but if he got a wild hair he would have easy access to drugs.

Anyway, that's the scoop.
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Old 09-12-2007, 03:23 PM
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Hey Everyone. Just got home from school. Im doing pretty well so far. Me and my daddy have kinda quit communicating. He sent me the last letter. But I dont know what to write I have ran out of things to write about. Like my last letter was pratically about my best friend. So if you have any ideas about wat me to write about just post them up. Well I have to go. Have a lovely rest of the day.
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Old 09-12-2007, 04:31 PM
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Hi Sadness. Good to hear from you and that's schools going ok. I know what you mean about running out of things to say when writing. I feel the same way sometimes. My AH who's in prison, says he likes hearing about how the day to day things are going. Maybe write your dad about school and how its going, what classes you're taking, what you like and dislike about school, etc. My teenagers have to go to the Friday night football games here, plus my son plays football on Thurs nights, so were busy with football!
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Old 09-12-2007, 04:40 PM
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Hi Hello-Kitty. Your post is exactly what I'm scared of happening when my AH gets out. Although he insists he has changed, he's not the person he was before he went to prison, and says I need to stop treating him that way.

But, it is so hard to forget the horrible way it was before they are arrested and sent away. That is what I'm going through too. I can't write "I Love You" letters ... I just don't feel that. So I know what you mean about not feeling it once they are home too. I know we'll have to have some kind of program like "Celebrate Recovery"
or marriage counseling or something to work thru this. If he's not willing, it's not gonna work.

You sound so strong in your recovery... and you'll be ok no matter what he does. I'm glad he is still clean. Praying things will continue to improve.
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