Worst case scenario just happened

Old 03-08-2007, 04:36 PM
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Worst case scenario just happened

I just don't know what else to call it but worst case.

This morning, my drug addicted son went berserk. I was trying to get him out of bed so that he would go with me and not stay home during the day. That was part of the deal of him staying. He went into a rage. He broke stuff in the bathroom and tore the shower curtain down. When he came out, I lost it. I started screaming "GET THE HELL OUT!" He then went into his room and proceeded to squirt paint all over a table cloth with the huge words, I HATE YOU. When I saw that I lost it even more! I was so screaming and yelling I thought surely the cops would carry us all away!

I have my 1.5 yr old granddaughter living with me along with her mother.
The baby was very upset to say the least.
I was in a rage! I am usually one to back away from arguing too.
Anyway, I told him to get his things that he was about to leave and never come back. I would drive him where ever he wanted to be dropped off.

We get in the car, and I am asking him where he wants to go. He screamed, JUST LET ME OUT HERE. We were at a corner.
I stop the car.
He spins around in his seat and SPITS in my face, tells me I HATE YOU
gets out of the car.
He then tried to break the car door off, resulting in the door being bent.
He then started walking away.
I drove off and went to work
He called at least 50 times on my cell, but I never answered. He hasn't eaten anything in over 24 hours.

Text messaged me begging for forgiveness, he hates what he has become, and please let him come back home.
I send message:
I am sorry for all I said this morning, but you have crossed the line with me and may not come back here. Please go to a church and find help.

He is on probation.
He has no job, no money and he's out of friends to stay with.
He is 28 yrs old.

I am so shaken up I don't know what to do any more. I am scared for him because he always does something stupid.
I do have an alanon meeting tomorrow night.
Please help.
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Old 03-08-2007, 04:41 PM
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Wabbit, I am so sorry and I know how awful this feels. But the thing is, you did the right thing. It is simply unsafe to have a raging addict in the house and you have others to think about too like your grandchild.

You can't help him, but he knows where help is. Maybe, and I truly hope, maybe this will be what he needs to find a better path.

Just remember that you can't control it, can't cure it and didn't cause it.

You are both in my prayers.

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Old 03-08-2007, 04:47 PM
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oh i'm so sorry. what else can you do outside of sticking to your boundaries, maybe he'll go to the church for help or to er or somewhere like that. hope this drives him looking for help. i know its hard not to worry about him, i hate to say this, and don't want to sound mean, but hunger may be a consequence that he may realize that he don't want to face, again. do you have food banks near you, if so, i'm sure he may know someone who can direct him to it.

i think that you have to do what you feel best for you, though
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Old 03-08-2007, 04:48 PM
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I too have a son that I kicked out last Friday. He's 22. He hasn't gotten violent, he just kept lying and stealing any money he found laying around. This has been going on for over 2 years now. My husband and I couldn't take it anymore so we threw him out. He's now with a friend who I think uses. I really feel your pain. I haven't stopped crying since he's been gone.
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Old 03-08-2007, 04:49 PM
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Awwww, wascally.
I do know how you feel, sweetie. It kills your soul to do that.
I've been where your at. I've had my as fly off the handle and act
crazy in front of me before.
I know how it hurts. You did what you had to do at the time.
You should not be disrespected in that way.
I'm sure he regrets what happened, but can you honestly forgive and forget?
Or, if you do let him come back, will you constantly be bringing his behavior up? See, that's what I use to do. He'd fly off the handle, then leave, then come back and pretend it never happened. I would then proceed to bring it up and drag it out over and over. That only makes us feeling even crazier.
I'm praying that you find peace in you decision tonight. Pray to his HP to keep him, watch over him, and lead him into recovery.
Btw, my son doesn't have a pot to pi$$ in now.
Addiction is just so horrifying. I'm so sorry for your pain and hurt.
Take care of yourself and try not to feel quilt. You did nothing wrong.
pm me if you need to talk more.
A mom who knows,

(((((wascally wabbit)))))
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Old 03-08-2007, 04:51 PM
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I feel your pain....however you cannot save can only save you.

His violence speaks volumes, he is dangerous...please protect yourself and your grandchild...this child is an innocent victim...and, deserves better.

My prayers are with you.
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:12 PM
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I know how hard this must be for you-but you did the right thing..
for you AND your son. When I made my son leave my home, I printed
out a list of shelters and other places that he could call for help.
At that point I felt that I had done everything I could for him and that
it would be deadly for him to stay in my house and use.
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Old 03-08-2007, 05:39 PM
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Just sending some hugs. This must have been scary for you. Hugs, Marle
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Old 03-08-2007, 06:28 PM
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You did the absolute right thing. You know how teenagers scream "I hate you" when they aren't allowed to go to the movies or talk on the phone? It's their way of really getting to their parents. My son is still a toddler but I know when he says that to me it will be devastating.

Your son acted that way specifically to get at you. You know the way you behaved at the house was bad for you. But overall, you putting your foot down and protecting not only yourself but also your grandchild and daughter is the best thing in the here and now. Stay strong and remember to take it hour to hour if necessary. Hugs!
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Old 03-08-2007, 06:29 PM
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I too know the pain you are going through. I had my 21 yo son move out, he went to live with his dad. You did what you had to do for your safety. The baby does not need to see this, and he could hurt her, or YOU. Attend as many meetings as you need to. You did what was right for you, and that is a good thing. I pray that this is a wake up call for him. You did good by telling him to go find help someplace else. He knows what he has to do to come home, and I pray that he does it and works on his recovery. If not it is his problem not yours. Sorry if that sounded harsh, that isn't what I want.
It took me a long time to say know to my son, and it almost killed me when I had him move out. Today I am stronger, and happier than I have been in the last 3 years.
I will pray for you and your family,
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:05 PM
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Bless your Heart !!!!! I will keep you and your grandchild in my prayers...
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:08 PM
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(((WW))) I could have written your post.

You did the right thing... he has to face himself to fix himself. We (and I mean me, too) cannot continue to provide that soft landing... that softer, gentler way.

Addiction is harsh and it takes pain to build the strength needed to fight it.

If you aren't attending face to face meetings, I would suggest you consider starting now. If you are attending, double or triple up. This is a hard time, but you can do this, Wascally. My kids were no more prepared than yours, but far younger... and they did do this.

I guess you have to believe in your son and in his Higher Power. They can fight his addiction.

Saying this with all the love I can muster, I think Our job is to fight ours.
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:12 PM
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Keeping you and your family in my prayer
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Old 03-08-2007, 07:13 PM
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I pray that you both find peace. I hope this is what he needs to really see that he needs help, and to go get it.
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Old 03-08-2007, 08:11 PM
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Thank you everyone for such helpful messages. I am still so shaken up. I have never seen him get violent. But, I know that violence only gets worse with addicts and alkies.
What hurt my soul was during the whole fight scene he fell down on the floor like he were "dead" just laid there, and for that short moment I saw a serious cry for help. No, I didn't hit him or anything, it was just a strange "giving up" for him, as though nothing more he could say would make a difference. It hurt seeing him like that.
Thank God for this forum.
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:21 PM
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I'm just so sorry that you are hurting like this. I do understand how you feel. I know how much it hurts. This is so devastating. We must trust God with our sons. He's the only true hope that we have. God loves them too and He will take care of them for us. Take it easy and let yourself get plenty of rest right now. You really need it.
(((((((((((((((Caring Hugs))))))))))))))
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:30 PM
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I couldn't possibly imagine how you felt! My gosh, but I believe you did the right thing! I agree with every single post up there!!!

Stay strong!
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Old 03-09-2007, 06:49 AM
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Bless your heart!

I have seen my RAS exhibit the exact behavior.

It is only manipulation! I repeat! It is only manipulation!

First, most of the time....when they will go into a rage, it is merely to intimitate you..... then they get their way. Period!

They may not want to go with you; they may not want to see Aunt Sue; they may not want to look for work! Remember, it is all about them!

My son, once, when he felt HE was losing the altercation, grabbed at his heart, fell to the floor; my focus was then reverted back to "helping" him.....wala....he was "better".....end of that!

An addict, learns to be a master manipulator....because it works!
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Old 03-09-2007, 06:58 AM
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My HP has put this classic post on my heart today-

"My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.

You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.
I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do."
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Old 03-09-2007, 07:18 AM
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You did the best thing for both of you. Leave him find out what he can do for
his life without maipulating you to get his way. As a parent I remember when letting go, letting God I felt as though I was abandoning my son. I cried my way through the feeling and came out knowing I had to leave him find his way. He no longer was the little boy I could comfort or cajole into feeling better.
I could not prop him up any more. That was God's job.

HP was with me through the hardest struggle of my life and I remain eternally
grateful for the peace that graced my mind, heart and soul.
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