lightseeker

I am saddened by the many people that have stepped away and are stepping away from our forum. I also completely understand why each of us needs to do what is best for us and our own recovery though. I will miss each person that is stepping away. I have a whole lot of respect for the growth and recovery that I have seen in each of these people. I'll miss each of you greatly. Please check in when you can and let us know how you are doing.

Many of the people that are stepping away speak of a change that they have seen in our forum. I agree, I have seen it as well. I also know that at my AA meetings that the complexion changes at different times. People come in and go out, find new meetings, and grow in their recovery as well. All I've got to say is that change is change. I'm thinking of the saying "everything is as it should be". I'm grateful that recovery has taught that if I can name it I need to look where maybe I should claim it. I know that many times I've bristled when I've read something and have been triggered. I try and take a look inward when that happens and I talk to my sponsor about it.

Just some thoughts....I wonder if it would help if opinions were offered only when asked for? I know that people are sharing their hope, experience, or wisdom but it's important to really take a look for what is being said and asked for. Sometimes I know that I learn the most when I am able to hear myself think....just need to sound things out, I guess. Other times, I need and want an opinion about a particular situation in my life but I specifically ask for one. I know that much of the advice that has been given lately most likely has been given out of concern and caring.....much of it has not been asked for though.

Also, I believe that it is a huge help to go to some face to face meetings. It's helped me to learn when to take the cotton out of my ears and to put it in my mouth. I think that it is important to remember that our recovery is just as vital as anyone's in active addiction. It is equally a deadly disease that we suffer from. I would encourage anyone to really begin the steps if they haven't already. It's important to have quidance though and meetings and sponsorship help that as well.

There are so many newcomers among us and I'm grateful that they have found their way here - SR has been a wonderful adjunct to my recovery life. I think that addiction is becoming more prevalent and more disasterous....I think that our forum is just an indicator of how terrible this disease is and how quickly it is growing.

We are probably just experiencing growing pains and this is normal. Take what you want and leave the rest. Do what is best for you and your recovery. I know that many times I just haven't known what to say or how best to respond. If in doubt - don't ....I guess. Also, I try and ask myself is it necessary, kind, and true? That helps me a lot. Still, it's hard in a forum where all that we have is the written word - no expressions, no tone, etc.

This sure has been a long rambling but I've been saddened by what I've seen going on and felt like adding in my two cents.

Love to each one of our group! Donna

MeggieStar

Thanks ((Donna))

Lovestoomuch

I think sometimes when you're posting on a forum.....it's like Ann said....it's hard to see the person's face or feel their emotions through the words they type. Sometimes things seem to come out different then you mean them and there's a bit of misinterpretation in the post. I know when I first got here, I got a little bent out of shape every now and again until I started to understand the whole forum posting thing a little bit better. I don't know if that is the whole issue but I think it may be one of them.

blackbird

Something to read and remember, thanks. peace-blackbird

frankly

((lightseeker))

Very good post. I too am saddened by the loss of some of our members. We each have to decide what is best for us.

On the flip side to all of this. I feel that everything said, is said with love and concern. I may not agree with something someone said or how they said it, but I believe that each and every one of us has the right and the responsibility to be able to be ourselves without wondering who we may offend. As long as it is respectful. That's the beauty of this forum. All are welcome, we can be ourselves without judgement. I myself have had to much of trying to be what someone else thought I should be or wanted me to be. That is part of my recovery. Finding myself and being myself.

I welcome all responses, be it what I think or something totally off the wall. Because sometimes those very responses will open up my mind to things or make me look at things from different angels, all angels. A wide diversity of opinions and options, but it is my responsibility to take what I want and leave the rest. It's my responsibility to decide what is best for me.

Even the harsh and straight forward, deserve to express their opinions, they deserve to try to help others even in their own way.

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. It's not intended to. But it's me, it's who I am, It's how I feel. If I had to worry about offending someone, then I wouldn't post at all. I would be too afraid to. I've had to much of walking on eggshells.

I love you all. That in the end is what matters the most to me.

B

teke

when i first came here, i felt offended too from time to time, i was vulnerable, but when i came, i was looking for hard truth, i didn't need anything sugar coated, even now, i need all opinions, i know that no matter what, the finally decision is mine and i trust you guys to be here for me, even if i make mistakes and don't take your advice.

for the first time in my life as far back as i can remember, i am not afraid to make a mistake, sound stupid, do dumb stuff and come here and allow all of you to use those steal toed slippers. i came here so insecure, walking on egg shells around everyone i know, afraid to think for myself, didn't know what was right from wrong. i was totally messed up mentally.

when i call myself getting my feelings hurt here, i was more than willing to take a deeper look at me, thats why i came here, for someone to help me make some kind of sense out of my life.

lord knows that i never mean to hurt anyone, i can only share my opinion and my esperience, never said that what i post was law, but i am so glad that you guys allow me to just be me. i want so badly to help someone not hurt, and sometimes it my intention to save some one from hurt down the road.

i was so convinced that whatever i say, didn't make sense, but even if it didn't, you guys excepted me the way i was and you allow me to talk amyway. i found that sometimes the things that i don't want to hear is just what i need to hear and i'm so grateful that i can look at me first, to see why i'm so bothered.

i honestly don't see what everyone is talking about. i thought it was about trying to help yourself while helping others. i've tip toed around my ah's feelings for so long, i'd hate to have to go back to pretending what i feel is not worth mentioning. sorry for the book, i guess i'm rambling too. my heart is paining right not for all those who are leaving and for all of us who are being confused by it.

greeteachday

Donna, Thank you for sharing here...I'm not in a state of mind where i have words.....just thank you very much. Hugs....lots of them and prayers always.

mooselips

I think that sharing, and giving our experience, strength and hope are part of working my twelve step program.

Also, I believe that when we are dealing with our own crisis, it's difficult to look ahead, and see how everything can change in just 24 hours.

Sober Recovery, and the people who reside here, are my strength, and my way of working my program, and staying on track.
(and I also know when I slip, which I still do, someone here will nudge me a good one, and help me get back in balance)

Hugs to all,

hope213

sober recovery is my everyday life.i know what a mess i was in & had been in for the pass 17ys.before coming. without this site i would be what i use to be.i may not be what i should be but thank God i am not what i used to be. i am terribly sorry if i ever hurt anyone. i love you all, old & new.the program also teaches us to take what we want & leave the rest. hugs ,love & prayers to each all my friends that have become my family.,hope

hopeforever

hi everyone!!

all theforumis pretty new tome,,
before icame tothis place i was all alone in this,, no advice,, or someone totalk to.
im very thankfull for all of you!!
i appreciate that everyone here shares thier life, their thoughts,, their hearts. and saying what they reallythink. here i try to say what i relly think,, becouse in everything around me i always have to show that everything is ok,, and be a different person,, heren im kind of new even to myself becouse igrow in spirit with everyones help. i agree that meetings face to face are very important,, and ihope soon ill get to do that too.i seek here the real answers ,, not the sweet words,,.. so if anyone says tome someting iill take it as an advice.. and maybe sometimes it will be hardto hear,,or not wha i agree with,,, but i learn from it . and wil use whatever i think is right to my life.
i too noticed that some members are leaving,, i think at some point people move to anew page in life,, or stage..
i hope no one gets hurt by my posts.....
im sending hugs to everyone that is leaving and hoping fpr them to be happy in whatevre they want to do!!!


i see us all here as birds,,, in abig nest,, warming each other from the rain,, the wind... the cold,, and growing together, at some point all the birds leave their nest...
ok lol i think i got too dramatic now lol mademe think alot this thread
than u for this thread

duet_4-8

I hope I haven't offended anyone. I certainly never meant to. SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery and a huge reason that I found the strength to start looking forward and know that I could have a better life.

I just follow the advice of-I think it was from teke the first time I heard it-'take what you can use and leave the rest'.

(((hugs)))

Elana

FWIW.. I too have been offended... usually when the poster hits too close to the core of what I am going thru and does so in a commanding way. I expect I too have been guilty of the same thing.

I also know when I first came here I thought it was sort of my "duty" to respond to every post. Now I think if it has been said, and with the TY buttons back, that is enough. Sometimes I post where some one is going thru heart ache with their own kid. I sometimes think something that may help, and add it but with the disclaimer that I do not have kids and if it is not helpful to ignore what I have said.

another thing... and I often for get this.. Advice is Worth what you pay... so the idea of taking what you need and leaving the rest is a good one.

Sometimes my own misery cries out.. and I see someone walking into the same thing I have walked out of the other side of.. and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs... "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!!! WALK.... NO RUN... NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE... DON'T GO WHAT I HAVE BEEN THRU!!!!"

But you know... that is the Codie in me and my warnings fall on deaf ears because the codie walking into the trap is to focused on their 'love' to hear a single word, no matter how loudly I scream them.

Just like me.. theymust go their own path and find out.. and like me... do NOT tell me what to do! (where is the petulant child stamping his feet smiley?)

GiveLove

TX,

THAT IS SUCH A WONDERFUL IDEA!!!!! Is anybody willing to create a sticky like that? I know that I, for one, would welcome a gentle reminder each time I come to the forum.

A writer I can't remember says, just because you're holding a sword of reason, doesn't mean you have to cut with it. You can point with it too. Sometimes I need a reminder that we can be gentle in our responses but still say the same thing.

And by the way, for what it's worth, I love the balance of responses that are received here. The forum is like all of the different parts inside us: there are welcomers, gentle huggers, champions & warriors, reasoner/thinkers, judge & jury types.....all different kinds of help. I bristle too at certain posts, but I just have to remember that (like Elana said above) people are just trying to be protective.

This is real life, and if you're lucky, real life has people in all of those roles, trying to help in their own way so that suffering is kept to a minimum in the predicament we all find ourselves in.... And for what it's worth, whenever I've seen someone use the "RUN! GET OUT NOW!" response tactic, it's mostly been in posts where the situation was dire, and the poster is the verge of doing great damage to themselves, and I'm praying they listen.

Love to all of us huggers, prayers, warriors and judges out there
GL

helpus

hopeforever, you put it very eliquintly. I wish all who are leaving well. I hope their HP holds them tight.

lightseeker

these are all great comments. I know how much a sticky would have helped me and still would.

I know that when I first arrived it really helped for me to post my situation and then other people shared their experiences. Nobody told me that I should run, leave or anything unless I asked. I had a lot of people share their experiences and that really helped me grow and learn alot. I think that what I meant about offering opinions was it always fine to share your experience, strength, hope, wisdom, lack of hope, etc. but actually telling someone what they should or shouldn't do without being asked is not what the recovery programs suggest. Does that make more sense?

Donna

BigSis

And another thing to remember is how fast this site is growing... lots and lots and LOTS of new folks. It is as if we moved from a small rural town to a suburb outside of a metropolitan area. The flavor changes when we don't have time to get to "know" the new faces.

Elana posted some good stuff - take what you like and leave ther rest. It took me a while to be able to do that... both on the receiving and on the giving side.

Awareness helps us to get to acceptance and from acceptance we move on to change. Each of us walks on our own path ... at our own pace.

(((hugs)))

notsleepingwell

You know.....we all hate to see people hurt on this forum. And I honestly don't think anyone is saying things to deliberately hurt anyone. And some of the people were offended on a post that they had not started, but took offense at something written for someone else.

I thought this was the one place we could come and be completely honest....I know sometimes I perhaps have been harsh, when someone asks, and I respond RUN....But like others...I in no way, mean to be making up someone's mind for them...it is advice, warning...not a command...and I don't expect people to do what I tell them to do. I cannot see the future..perhaps their loved one will get clean, and it will all be ok. I'm speaking from the almost very bottom of addiction....

By the same token...I don't expect to have to explain my pain, it's MY pain.....it's not a competition....I'm not saying anyone's pain is not valid, or as deep as mine....and I honestly don't understand how someone can even judge what I'm saying without asking me to clarify. I don't care if your addict is your mother, your daughter, your uncle, your neighbor....we're here because we are in pain, not to point to one another and say....you shouldn't be here because your pain is not the same.

Anyway, just my 2 cents....Take what you want....

Elana

I am going to add something here too (again.. man you are probably REAL sick of my input... LOL)...

As BigSis stated.. this forum is growing at wht I would say is an astronomical rate.. HOW SAD! HOW DISCOURAGING!

I often don't respond right away to a new person.. not because I don't care but because there are official forum folks who do this job here AND I just can't say anymore...

I mean it when I say "Welcome" but I find it deeply disturbing that so many of our society (and we only get a FRACTION here) are so damaged by drug use, addiction and the illegalities associated therein. I become so over come with frustration at the complete ineptitude to combat drugs and addiction that I just cannot always join the fray or however you spell it.

The numbers of newcomers means there is an ever upward spiral of increasing numbers of addicts. I would LOVE to say it is not so. I would love to say the # of addicts.. the % of people becoming addicted is not increasing... just the number of people who discover SR is going up.

However, I am not so naive. I was once, but I will never be that naive again.

and in my silence here.. and sometimes my need to leave here due to the same story over and over (and a terrible and heartbreaking story it is.. parents, families, spouses, GF's and BF's and just plain friends...) I just want to scream.. and cry and stop the pain for everyone... and even more importantly....

FIND AN ANSWER TO STOP PEOPLE FROM TRYING DRUGS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

It is so frustrating to have no answers, or it is for me.
I wish I could circumvent the whole addiction process, cut it off at the past and have everyone leave the drugs standing alone in some box canyon where they are never used, touched or seen.

choosey

I came in search of light.....

light to guide me out of the darkness
light to show me that others surround me and that I'm no longer alone (and never really was)
light to lift my spirit
light to see the "footprints in the sand"

Thank you for sharing your light!

Choosey