Old 03-06-2007, 07:52 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: a tn
Posts: 13

Just need to vent before I go off the deep end.I havent been on here in some time and now I am about to lose my mind!!My AS (20) is my life..or was.I dont know if he is still using or not but he is still living with his AGF and her addicted dad.He is holding down a job but my problem is when I see him,I am so MAD at him that he is sensing my hostility.I am mad because he is staying with that girl who is 21 with No job No ambition for anything other than sleeping all day and drugs.He came over today (with her)and he knew I wasnt acting right.He even asked where is my mom??I feel so bad for him throwing his life away.He said today he wished he would die and you know what.....In a odd way..I would rather him be in heaven with God then to be on this earth so unhappy!He is so so sad and unhappy and I just dont know how to help him.I honestly dont have any clue on what to do or what to say,I cannot understand how such a sweet child and loving son could be so unhappy and have such low self esteem and how could this happen.Is there any real help for someone who is so unhappy?There has got to be something to help.Hes been to dtrs and all they do is prescribe drugs..well we all know where that leads.I know this is a jumble mess but I am crying so hard,I just cant make any sense out of anything.
delldell is offline  
Old 03-06-2007, 08:21 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Sunflower's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I can feel your pain--as my AS was in the same situation for so long.He was my only child and we were sooooo close...but when he became an A it was hard for us to be in the same room--because you are so close to them they know what you are thinking even if you say nothing. I also went through the "I would rather he was dead" That was until he hit rock bottom and I thought I was going to lose him--to bury him--I assisted him in getting help--I won;t deny it--offered anything he wanted on the way of help/detox etc...I supported him but not his habit.
I too often wondered where is my little boy--what happened to him and why? I left his A father 26 years ago--never saw him again-nor did my son--i thought that by removing him from this he would be ok--He still ended up an A (I do not drink at all-or have alcohol in my house)--I think it has to be passed on genetically...
It was when he went for treatment for the 10 th time something finally stuck--he was sick--vomiting blood-blackouts-underweight-hanging with nut jobs-and no job--He has been sober for 6 months now--with the help of Camphrol--and then diagnosed as bi polar--which was most likely one of the reasons he drank to begin with--to even out that anxiety.
He was cruel to me for years-TO ME! The one person who loved him.He attacked me-beat me up--police-jail--you name it,
I just let him go--I had to --I had no control over how he was going to live his life-I had to accept this-and it was hard!I cried and cried and cried and all I did was make myself sick.
Now he is himself again--it took months--but when I look at him --I see HIM again--we talk-share-he is very kind to me--makes me breakfast in bed!!!!!!(shocker)He has gained a much needed 50 pounds-eats-something he didnt do for a long time..
I am going on and on her-but we have a lot in common I can see.....ONE DAY I just said to myself---HE IS ALIVE-what more could I ask for,,,???
Must have been the way my thinking changed that made him want to change himself as well....
Stop crying it wont get you any where but exhausted or sick...I will pray -as should you that sooner or later he sees the light--remember to support-not enable-its a fine line.......good luck to you
Sunflower is offline  
Old 03-06-2007, 10:42 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
grateful rca
teke's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with frizzy and i just want to send hugs and prayers your way. try to focus more on you, and allow your son's hp to lead and guide him in the way that he should go.
teke is offline  
Old 03-07-2007, 08:10 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
cece1960's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,989
I'm sorry, I know first hand how hard it is to watch as they stumble along a path leading no where.
Things can get better, and often do...but only when he reaches out for help.
In the meantime, and for lack of a better option, your time may be well spent taking care of you.
I know its probably not the solution you were hoping for, it wasn't what I was looking for either when I came here.
But eventually, and with some strong coaxing here, I allowed myself to give up responsibility for my son's happiness to his and my HP.
I couldn't be happy for him, and me being unhappy with him changed nothing.
So I decided to let him work it out, trust my HP to keep an eye on him, and work on finding that gal who used to be
Slowly (very s-l-o-w-l-y) I began to notice things, and maybe view things differently. I began to focus more on the blessings in my life, and I had many. It was just his actions and his addiction had overshadowed all that was good in my life. And that was because I let it.
Take a moment and rest your weary heart, walk with us for a spell.
Prayers that you find peace along the way
cece1960 is offline  
Old 03-07-2007, 08:42 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
marle's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Delldell, I know how expectations can keep you angry. My daughter's boyfriend is 17 years older than she is. He has been an addict for 23 years. His DOC now is crack. He buys all of my daughter's drugs and basically keeps her isolated from the world. I hate that she is in the situation she is. They live in a motel and do not pay bills, rent, etc. He leaves her there with no phone, food , money or transportation. For a long time, I wanted her to leave him, to see that there was a better way. It made me angry and resentful. I prayed on this a lot. I finally realized that she will not leave until she is ready. I did not talk to her for almost three months. During that time I saw a therapist and worked on my issues. It is not easy, but I finally reached a point where I am ready to let her do things in her way in her time and just try to love her. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Today I choose to pray for her to seek recovery, but to love her anyway. It took time. There are no easy answers. Hugs, Marle
marle is offline  
Old 03-07-2007, 02:25 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
hope213's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
dell, i am sorry for your hurts like heck to see our sons the way they are. my a.s. is also going thru somethings right breaks my heart to see him so unhappy but there is not a thing i can do for him & you can't do anything for your son.they have got to find there on way. just letting u know i care & i am sending my prayers for you both.hugs,hop0e
hope213 is offline  
Old 03-19-2007, 07:16 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: a tn
Posts: 13

I just wanted to say thank you to all who replied.After venting that night I got off line and just got back on today and read your postings.Thanks soo much from the very bottom of my heart!
delldell is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:08 PM.