suspcious behavior,how do you tell if it is more than just alcohol?
 

hi all ? how do i tell if ah is involved with more than just alcohol?
yesterday, i came home and there were seven calls on the caller ID within a short period of time-like an hour or so, some just minutes apart (almost like a desperate thing)??? from a guy that ah went to school, but that he was never close too, actually someone who, in school, gave ah a hard time and teased him. someone ah NEVER liked. the guy is a known drug addict-cocaine- and alcoholic in town, just a real messed up guy. ah has not associated with this guy and has not really talked to him in the seven years we have been together (to my knowledge). i questioned about why this guy was calling the house like that and ah said that he ran into him at the store and he asked ah to give him a ride to another town 20 minutes away from us to some guys house. the guy said he would give him ten dollars for taking him. ah drove him and the guy wasn't home at the house he took him to. i asked why he was calling the house and how he got our number (ah gave him our phone number,why?) and first ah said because he was wanting to give him the ten dollars (so ah never got the ten dollars when he drove him? supposedly because the guy at the house wasn't home?). ah was home when he was calling like that and a little later i asked why didn't you answer the phone and ah said "because i knew what he wanted-me to take him back to get his drugs or whatever..."
ah said he did this because he was just trying to be nice -he didn't know. does this sound suspicious? i have wondered if ah was doing more than just alcohol. what do you think? last night i came downstairs and ah was sniffling a lot almost sounded like he was crying. he said his nose was running? ah has done cocaine in the past -to my knowledge it has been a long time ago years, but maybe not???? he really didn't act aggressive and hyperactive as i have seen him before when i think he was doing this.
any detectives out there? i shoud add the the guy has been know to deal drugs.
am i just being paranoid? what are the signs i should look for if ah is doing drugs?

Dear HopeAngel,

Do you feel a lot of anxiety right now? Does everything feel like it doesn't make sense?

If yes, trust it.

I felt it when I was reading your message. When I felt like that my Ex-ABF was using.

Lithloren

something is fishyherei hate o say it butthat what ithink,, the whole cold thing with thenose might b becouse hes sniffing or smoking it..
i hope notbut if you have even a slight suspision,, itmaybe it...
i hope you find th truthand trust your instinct. and be acrefull with his new freind dont call him to find out,, just leave yourself out of this mess.
goodluck to you. and maybe trytotalk to him and get some answers,, although he might no give them toyou. i hope everything will be good and he can get some treatment!! God bless you.

yes lith and hope
 

lith that is exactly how it is right now. i feel a lot of anxiety and if you read some of my posts his behavior and actions just have not made sense to me. exactly!!!
i figure if he is doing something like coke, it won't be long before it is revealed right? besides the sniffling, what should i look for? except extremely aggressive, paranoid behavior, which i have seen before???
i just really wonder why pretty much a stranger (except going to school together, would ask for a ride to another town and why would ah give it to him? also, he was at the store, how did he get there that he didn't have a ride? walk? also, why would ah give him our phone number? come to think of it was a private number and i have seen other private numbers recently, but not to that extent, hence why i questioned. sounds fishy to me. ah says he was just trying to be nice -he didn't know -roll eyes!!!

[QUOTE=hopeangel;1235937] i figure if he is doing something like coke, it won't be long before it is revealed right? QUOTE]

Right, More shall be revealed. First I would get the feeling, then something would happen and then the rest of the behavior would just start snowballing.

Especially, the frantic phone calls. The odd hook up with people "out of the blue."

The quick "cover up" stories. The way I was made to feel I was just acting "crazy". If he is smoking crack, the first thing I notice is a sweet smell. Crack smells really good to me. Even though I have never smoked crack or seen crack I was aware of a really sweet smell.

The next thing to notice is a lack of money. All of a sudden he had no money. If you have a joint account, please protect yourself.

And lastly, start thinking about what you need to do for you. My Ex-ABF and I have been talking about working things out now that he is going to meetings, has a sponsor, and has applied for rehab. When I had him leave I did it for me. I did it because I could not live like that anymore. I needed peace back in my life. He has told me several times since then how grateful he is that I did that. If I had let him stay nothing would have ever changed.

Please think about what you need. The truth about what he is doing will be revealed without a lot of effort on your part.

Warm Hugs,

Lithloren

i agree with lith, time will tell you whats going on, and in the mean time, its time to do what you have to do to protect your finances and your valuables. addiction is progressive, it does get so much worse. in time you'll know all you need to know, being detective will cause axiety and insanity, try to find something to do to keep your mind occupied so that you won't find yourself ossessing about what is going on. you'll know when you know, beside that, when you do know, there is nothing you can do to make him stop, he has to do that on his own and he's the only one who can make that call for himself.

the calls started again this morning
 

i'm kinda scared. three calls in the matter of minutes, hanging up on me. ah says he will get the ten dollars from him and it will be done. maybe drugs would explain some of ah's paranoid behaviors?
to top it off, i am off work today because of the snow and not feeling well. long story, but i work in a place that is environmentally bad, black mold, toxins, upper respiratory problems. well, i just got a call from the dr. and my liver enzymes are elevated (and i don't drink!) probably from toxins at work. also, they are checking me for mono. guess all this really is affecting my health:( anyway, thanks for the prayers.

and he is calling again and again as i am writing this.....

,, just dont unswer the phone calls for some time, ithink its the best it is wierd,.. . so i hope everything will be good,, and just dont get too hard on yourself,, ,, do things for yourself that make youhappy and not to think too much aboutit.. time will tell you all. and i hope you can get some suppot here and your ah get some help. GOD bless you both

I know each addict is different but I knew when my ex-abf was on coke because his pupils were big. The other was he would hide out in the basement and was constinly blowing his nose. I would just be aware and don't give him any money. Say you are broke. I hope you feel better.

Hi Hopeangel:

I am the wife of a crack addict. Tatics are the same. You may want to look in the front of your phone book and see if there is a special feature to block the call. Even though it is restricted from showing on your caller ID the computer should be able to block.

This may serve two purposes for you. One it may help to calm how you are feeling now and two it may force the frantic caller to try another way to get in touch and reveal more to you about what IS going on.

my rah is a crack addict too. in my experience, my ah would do the same as yours is doing now, if i gave him a little money at first to get him off my back, in a little while he'd want more, beg for me, and when i refused, he'd either steal or whatever else he could do. i got to where i was afraid too, with good cause, my ah would get somewhat abusive. i learned to not even answer the phone when he was like that, there were also times when he started that while at home and i had to call the police, out of fear of what he might do to take the money from me.

not trying to scare you any further, but i think that it would be good if you could have a plan of safety in place.

In my experience only I know that when I own someone $ I dont call them over and over to offer it to them. Please sometimes I hope they wont even call me! Something isnt right here. I think when your at work thats his party buddy like I said only my opinion. I think its *82 that you hit to make them unblock the # so it will show up on your caller id. Not that it matters but look in the front of your phone book or just pick up the phone and hang it back up that might give him the hint. Who knows those addicts dont take the hint very well. I hope we are wrong. Take some time to take care of yourself. Your not going to help anyone if your sick.

wow
 

seven more calls in forty minutes -ah answered one call from him earlier when he was here and i heard him say, "no man, i am busy today. then i heard him say to meet him in the parking lot of the store to give him the 10 at two oclock. well, i left for a little while to get away from the phone calls and came home seven calls. i answered the phone then and he did speak to me saying ah was going to give him a ride. i told him i didn't know anything and he has called back two more times after. so, nine calls in 50 minutes. i am not answering.

i am so sorry hope angel, i mis read your post. this is not your husband calling you for money, i see now, its the addict that he gave a ride to. i am so embarresed, duh!!!!

i am so sorry.

addicts can be really persistant, sorry that you are having to deal with this, maybe after this is over, your ah will know not to give an addict a ride, for much of anything except maybe rehab. this happened to me once, bet you i won't do it no more.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would think about calling the phone company or something. I would maybe tell the guy to please stop calling and you will have your AH call him back. I went through a similar situation. My ex abf was on the third floor and his friend kept calling his phone and I made the mistake of answering it and I simple told him he would have to call him back and to stop calling because I couldn't help him. Well he did call twice after that and then stopped.