What Addicts Do
 

This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do.

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.

this is so hurtful to someone that luves an addict,but it's also so true.

It may true for some. But it depends on the severity of the addict and the choice of drug as well. all addicts don't steal, all don't cheat...most lie....but not always out of deceit....could be embarassment, desperation. just my experience....

Selah;

What you say is technically true.
However, those whose loved ones have only a moderate drug history rarely come to a message board in the middle of the night....

Men and women who come to SR in the middle of the night are those who are desperately afraid; those who wonder where the rent will come from; those who are scrambling to feed the babies and who are praying that the car will get back in one piece in order to get to work on time; those who fear they may never see their child alive once more.....

Most of us are here at SR because our loved ones have a horrible addiction They do terrible things as a result of that addiction.

Jon's post is right on. And I am forever grateful that he cared enough, in his recovery, to share his insights with us. That sharing is an act of love that shows exactly what the recovering addict is capable of. It gives me hope for my own son.

Shalom!

I agree, I hope I didn't come across as disagreeing with the OP. I just don't like to generalize the people or the situations, I do believe however that the substances and full blown addicts are fully and correctly described in his post.

I too agree with agree with every word of it. As a mother to an 18 year old daughter addicted to crystal meth, she done things I never dreamed she would do. All I can do is pray that she will be ok but I don't have any guarantee of that.

boy that was surely me at one time. self centered biatch.... thank you for posting that ann. thanks

This post fits my daughter that's for sure.

when i first came here and this was a suggested read, i thought that my world would fall apart in reading this. i came to understand just what jon was saying and came to appreciate the knowledge that i gain from it. it was hard to read at first but once i accepted that this is just the way it is, then i was better able to make the decision to move on with my life and began to learn just what it means to take care of myself. thanks

Ok, well that was enough to make me ball my eyes out.

I showed this to my addict and the only things he could say "is this what you think of me,i've never cheated on you,left ya'll hungry,and i do love you."I told him actions speak louder than words and the only reason we haven't went hungry is because of other people helping.like jon said "he don't love himself." if he did then i don't think none of this would be happing.he tells me all the time he don't have self confidence

Ann, I'm new here, my ex after 5 years (we broke up 3 months ago) who is an addict who has been in rehab for almost a month, has many of those traits. It definitely puts thing in perspective when I read that, I've seen it a few times before and toward the end I get teary b/c it's so true! How can an addict think of anything but themselves when it's even a struggle to jump out of bed in the morning? I try to remind myself that my ex's addiction is self-imposed and with or without my past participation he would have become addicted anyway. He's become so selfish, not much of the person he was when I met him 5 years ago in college. It's all about him now and his recovery and not about us anymore. I know it sounds selfish on my part but I just wish drugs did not make our future disappear.

When my CHH was active, he was all that and more. A terrible waste of a good man.

That's my AH....sad sad sad....Thanks for opening my eyes to who he is as an addict.

That post sure fits my ex A.


Earthworm

That post fits my husband, he and I were just talking yesterday about how women want to change men and that it just can't be done (this is from his point of view), you see he thinks I want to change him just because I would like to see him get off the drugs and alcohol. hmmm, I have alot to think about.

Learning about boundaries
 

just discovered this site. i am trying to learn about safe boundaries and stopping my enabeling behaviors, when they are in recovery and what point do they move out - 30 yr old son still living here, worse - I let his girlfriend live here too - it is my behavior I find appauling - i thought I knew better; but now those enabeling behaviors are back. on the recovery side.
thanks to everyone who is here! God Bless all those who are recoverying and trying to recover

God what a great post ann!!!! I never thought that my brother would ever put his family threw this but that is so true you can tell that he doesn't love himself and really how can you except someone to love their family if they don't love thierselfs wow that is so true. i am so happy i found this web site it is really helping out alot to have other people that feel the same pain i do ty to everyone!!!!

heneedshelp, I know how you feel. Welcome to SR and the Family and Friends Forum. I hope to see more of your posts in the future.

Thanks Ann
My heart sank when I read this post, sounds just like my 21 year on and off relationship with my boyfriend, I printed it off and he's going to read it or listen if I have to lock him in a room to do it. Thank you again sooooo much