Ijusdonknow

I was just married a month ago after living in the same house with my husband for 3 years. The whole time he has been secretive, and distant, which I assumed had to do with cheating, and emotional issues from his childhood. I had many, many telltale signs that he was using. I come from a family of users. I usually see right away- which I did in his case as well, but he was so good at hiding it, that after a while I believed him, and began to ignore the signs (the only explanation I can have for myself right now) Anyway, I know now, that my husband is abusing cocaine, and I feel soooooooo cheated as he already knows, I want no dealings with that. Cocaine has caused me hell in my life already, for a large portion of my life, and I do not use it myself. I have never seen anything work for abusers of cocaine indefinately except hitting rock bottom, AND changing environments. My concern here is also that many of the people I know- and I know many- do very well for a while, and then eventually go back. I am not sure if I have one real success story from my personal experience where the person really never used again.

My problem here is that I was just married a month ago, and I really dont mean to sound cold, but I know already that this is a lose lose situation for me, at least until HE is ready to change, and I know from what I see, that is not my case. I want to take what I can now, put in my car, and drive away. (I live over 800 miles from my hometown, with my husband's family my only relatives in town) I love my husband, but really, what would I be doing to stay? PLEASE can someone give me some insight on this issue?

slugger9787

I recommend that you take your own advice, the best of the available cars, and some cash to fill up with gasoline a couple of times on your way back to your hometown. If no relatives are able to let you live with them , then enough money for three months rent.

CatsPajamas

hello and welcome! You may want to post a thread in the Friends and Family Forums. There's more daily interaction there. Let me know if you need help doing that.

Cats
Forum Mod

Ijusdonknow

I came back to tell everyone- I left my husband yesterday. I dont know how I feel yet- I guess liberated...But I am happy that part is over!

Phmdyw

Dear IJustDonKnow,

Usually people who grew up in a family of addicts/alcoholics have the same "symptoms" the addict does. I am sorry for your recent disappointment. I suggest going through a 12-step program yourself (do you drink at all? You could be an alcoholic yourself - and it doesn't have to do with "how much" you drink.) Or, you could simply be "affected"...the point is, you might want to look at the reason you married this person...these are lifelong patterns that you will repeat unless you get down to your own part in these tragedies. I suggest finding an Alanon meeting not where people simply complain about "the problem", but where they are actively going through the 12 steps in the Big Book of AA and everyone's doing their own work with sponsors. Your whole life will change, but you have to be willing to do the work. These meetings in your area might be called All Addictions meetings, or something like that. If you can't find one, go to bigbookstepstudy.net and ask. Best of luck to you as you maneuver through your own issues.