megamysterioso

For those that know my history, there was a man in my life that I dated for 6 years off/on that I loved dearly. He was an addict. He used everything he could get his hands on and was an alcoholic everyday of his life since he was about 14-15 years old. He is now 33. He had been near death (I'm talking in a coma with bleeding organs, blood transfusions) at least 3 times that I am aware of. I helped him pee blood into a jug once when he was in the hospital. When I was with him, he acquired 6 DWIs and was always in/out of jail for something- assault (bar room brawls), possession or public intox. I finally left him after he broke a window out of my car. I had just been bragging to someone about "I know he canbe violent, but he's never been violent with me." He paid for the window repair and shortly after that, I married another guy (husband 1) as a way of "escaping" my memories of him.

Throughout the years, I've never stopped loving him. I've always refered to us as being "star-crossed." We kept in touch for years after our breakup. I was living out of state and he ended up going to prison for grandtheft auto. He used to write me from prison about all the mistakes he's made, how he wanted to straighten up, etc. He would draw me beautiful pictures and send them to me. Before he went to prison, I saw him once. He came over to my parents house while I was visiting and we had a great time. There was no drinking involved. He stayed the night and slept with me and there was no sex involved. It was just a loving memory. I found out later from his grandmother that he had contracted Hepatitis C (that can be fatal).

Well- I've been back down south for about 5 years now and often wondered where he was, how he was, if he was still alive, etc. I STILL dream about this man from time to time. I've always managed to keep a good head on me about him though. Anytime I've felt myself getting nostalgic about him over the years, I've always told myself that it is the IDEA of us that I love. I am in love with a "what could have been." I am idealizing something that is NOT real. I've always wished the best for him, but never attempted to rekindle anything.

Just found out from one of my best friends who spoke to his sister recently that THIS IS HOW THE MAN IS DOING:

1. He got married recently and his baby sister paid for the entire wedding.
2. He showed up late to the wedding trashed drunk.
3. He beat the crap out of his wife one day after they were married.
4. He is now in prison for this beating.

WHOAH!!!!! I don't know how long he is in prison. I don't know much. All I know is that it must have been very serious for him to go to prison. He is not in jail- he is in state prison!

Point is- some people do not have a bottom. Here is a shining example. My heart hurts for this man. I know that sounds sick, but he COULD HAVE BEEN great. That means nothing though. Some people will never learn. If you're waiting for someone to "get it," you may be waiting for a long time if not all your life.

ICU

Darn Mega! When I got to #1 where he got married I thought this story was going to have a happy ending, for a change.

I should have known better. Damn those stupid brain-washing love songs. I don't think I'll ever be deprogrammed enough!

ASpouse

Oh yea, they all have a bottom mega, sometimes its death.

escape artist

well, it could be there were plenty of other codies out there who would never allow him to reach his bottom-yet, that is. maybe prison will do it, if the new wife lets him sit there and gets help for herself!

megamysterioso

Yeah- he already did about 3-4 years in a county jail though for grandtheft auto. Unfortunately, as Judy said, death is the only bottom for some. I hope his wife is taking care of herself and I'm just happy that I cut my chord to him years ago.

No happy endings yet ICU!!

sadface

Thanks for sharing Mega, I too feel my AH has no bottom. Or as escape said there are other codies around him preventing him from reaching his bottom. I am taking care of myself and my children, but every once in awhile I think about him I don't want to get that dreadful call but I see and hear he hasn't changed. I also hoped your story had a happy ending, but in real life there isn't always a happy ending.

sloane2468

Damn, can I ever relate to this!! past loves that I'm grateful are just that "past"....
"my heart hurts for the man" of course it does, my heart hurts and I don't know him, but feel like I do. Take it easy Mega, you're doing good..

elizabeth1979

This a good reminder for me, as to why its important to focus on my enotions, my codependence, and my bottom. I need to pray for my bottom, not his. I spent so much time hoping my ex would hit his bottom, on my schedule. That was a waste of my energy. Its baffling how I continue to do things that just keep me from a point of complete wellness and health, without even realizing it.

brdlvr

My xbf was one of those that I don't think will have a bottom. He's in jail now, going to AA and church while he's there. But if history repeats itself like it always has, he will find a bottle of booze the day he gets out. He was near death from drinking when he got locked up and I too fear that will be his only bottom. But from going to AA meetings myself, you never know when the miracle will happen.

sunshine003

man mega. I remember you speaking of him before. Good golly, I hope you love him from afar and realize you don't really "love him." I doubt you've ever really met him. Whoever he is, I hope he finds himself.

megamysterioso

Oh yeah Sunshine- I think the "love" we sometimes feel is definitely an illusion. I think it's far too easy to get caught up in loving the idea of something versus the reality of something. Thank God I've managed to keep our relationship into perspective all these years or God knows what could have happened! I hope he finds himself too one day, but that's between him and his HP.

GingerM

Not only can we love the idea of someone, we can also mourn for the lost potential, which is what I'm hearing from you mega. Sounds like the guy had a lot going for him, and rather than using his gifts to do something with himself, he let it all slip away.

When I found out my last really awful codie relationhip partner was living in his ex-wife's backyard with no water or electricity, I couldn't help but think how very glad I was that I didn't stick with him. I still love him (that was...uh...*counts on fingers* 12 years ago that we split). But I'm very glad I didn't follow him down his path.