Relationship Goggles
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
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Relationship Goggles
For years he's been dumping on you, but still you won't leave him. Must be the 'relationship goggles'
Barbara Ellen
Sunday July 30, 2006
The Observer
It's a woman thing - the call that comes from a girlfriend who has finally woken up to the fact that she's been wasting her time in a vile relationship. It might be a phone call, it might be a feeble scraping at a door or window, it might be a full-on eruption, all that matters is that you respond promptly, armed with a shovel, bucket, and gag: the shovel to scrape your friend off the floor (or the ceiling); the bucket to catch the tears; the gag to stop yourself saying, 'Oh come on, it's hardly a surprise, your relationship was so dead it had shares in formaldehyde.' Better to listen kindly as the lament goes up: 'I've wasted my time.' Not on the actual relationship, you understand, but on that painful, clammy bit towards the end, the bit that goes on far too long, when secretly you know you're on to a loser, but you avoid the issue, flinching from the terrible truth, hissing and spitting like the undead from holy water.
Why is it that the end of a relationship always gets the headlines, when quite often it's the penultimate period, pre-break-up, where the suffering and the weirdness peak? Or worse, continue indefinitely. Just like in the Bermuda triangle, women can get stuck, 'lost', for extraordinarily long periods at the pre-break-up/not quite broken-up stage, some never to return. To illustrate, chef Rick Stein was in the papers this week, when he and his girlfriend of four years were 'clouted' by the cuckolded Mrs Jill Stein, incensed to find them in the restaurant she and her husband still own. Afterwards Mrs Stein said: 'That's it, I definitely want a divorce now.' Excuse me, now? Stein has been seeing his 'new woman' for four years. What was Mrs Jill waiting for - a telegram from the queen congratulating her on the 10th anniversary of his affair? Or maybe it's just that, like so many women before her, Jill Stein had her 'relationship goggles' on.
Just as we're always hearing about how men wearing beer goggles see women as far more attractive than they actually are, women in relationship goggles manage to convince themselves that a bad situation is far less horrifying than it actually is, to the point where enough is never quite enough. An extreme case would be: 'We row all the time, he steals from me, he's chronically unfaithful - I can't see this thing lasting more than three or four more years,' though there are many variations on the theme. Even the rich and the beautiful are not immune - Jerry Hall only binned her relationship goggles when Mick Jagger got Luciana Morad pregnant. Over the years we women seem to have over-developed our coping mechanisms, to the point where we can blithely turn into one-woman justification factories ('He set fire to my hair - but it was a very cold evening'). And all to avoid having to do the unthinkable and actually split up.
Obviously men have their own version of relationship goggles.
A very bleak view would be that, while we all fondly imagine that we're the leads in Jerry Maguire ('You had me from "Hello"') in reality, it gets at times as if both sexes are taking turns to be Kathy Bates in Misery, breaking James Caan's legs when he tries to escape. Another movie is even more frightening - there seems to be something very particular in the female psyche that wants to stand on the cliff in the manner of the French Lieutenant's woman, waiting, snivelling dramatically, for our hero to return, as if pain and struggle (and not knowing where the hell he is) somehow cements the union, gives it cache and credibility.
The question is - why do we do this to ourselves? And in such numbers? If they held a march of all women who'd at some point donned relationship goggles they'd probably have to close off the Mall (a similar march for men and beer goggles would mean closing Britain).
If asked nicely, Jerry might even appear as the chief spokeswoman, and plead with women not to waste their lives on a multi-millionaire like she did. In any event, Jerry could say, ditch the 'stand by your man' rubbish when the man in question seems to be spending rather too much time standing too close to other women. And Jerry would be right. Whatever happens, don't be the French Lieutenant's woman - waiting for the nice man she met, and the nice times they had, to return. That ship's not only sailed baby - it probably sunk quite a few oceans ago.
Barbara Ellen
Sunday July 30, 2006
The Observer
It's a woman thing - the call that comes from a girlfriend who has finally woken up to the fact that she's been wasting her time in a vile relationship. It might be a phone call, it might be a feeble scraping at a door or window, it might be a full-on eruption, all that matters is that you respond promptly, armed with a shovel, bucket, and gag: the shovel to scrape your friend off the floor (or the ceiling); the bucket to catch the tears; the gag to stop yourself saying, 'Oh come on, it's hardly a surprise, your relationship was so dead it had shares in formaldehyde.' Better to listen kindly as the lament goes up: 'I've wasted my time.' Not on the actual relationship, you understand, but on that painful, clammy bit towards the end, the bit that goes on far too long, when secretly you know you're on to a loser, but you avoid the issue, flinching from the terrible truth, hissing and spitting like the undead from holy water.
Why is it that the end of a relationship always gets the headlines, when quite often it's the penultimate period, pre-break-up, where the suffering and the weirdness peak? Or worse, continue indefinitely. Just like in the Bermuda triangle, women can get stuck, 'lost', for extraordinarily long periods at the pre-break-up/not quite broken-up stage, some never to return. To illustrate, chef Rick Stein was in the papers this week, when he and his girlfriend of four years were 'clouted' by the cuckolded Mrs Jill Stein, incensed to find them in the restaurant she and her husband still own. Afterwards Mrs Stein said: 'That's it, I definitely want a divorce now.' Excuse me, now? Stein has been seeing his 'new woman' for four years. What was Mrs Jill waiting for - a telegram from the queen congratulating her on the 10th anniversary of his affair? Or maybe it's just that, like so many women before her, Jill Stein had her 'relationship goggles' on.
Just as we're always hearing about how men wearing beer goggles see women as far more attractive than they actually are, women in relationship goggles manage to convince themselves that a bad situation is far less horrifying than it actually is, to the point where enough is never quite enough. An extreme case would be: 'We row all the time, he steals from me, he's chronically unfaithful - I can't see this thing lasting more than three or four more years,' though there are many variations on the theme. Even the rich and the beautiful are not immune - Jerry Hall only binned her relationship goggles when Mick Jagger got Luciana Morad pregnant. Over the years we women seem to have over-developed our coping mechanisms, to the point where we can blithely turn into one-woman justification factories ('He set fire to my hair - but it was a very cold evening'). And all to avoid having to do the unthinkable and actually split up.
Obviously men have their own version of relationship goggles.
A very bleak view would be that, while we all fondly imagine that we're the leads in Jerry Maguire ('You had me from "Hello"') in reality, it gets at times as if both sexes are taking turns to be Kathy Bates in Misery, breaking James Caan's legs when he tries to escape. Another movie is even more frightening - there seems to be something very particular in the female psyche that wants to stand on the cliff in the manner of the French Lieutenant's woman, waiting, snivelling dramatically, for our hero to return, as if pain and struggle (and not knowing where the hell he is) somehow cements the union, gives it cache and credibility.
The question is - why do we do this to ourselves? And in such numbers? If they held a march of all women who'd at some point donned relationship goggles they'd probably have to close off the Mall (a similar march for men and beer goggles would mean closing Britain).
If asked nicely, Jerry might even appear as the chief spokeswoman, and plead with women not to waste their lives on a multi-millionaire like she did. In any event, Jerry could say, ditch the 'stand by your man' rubbish when the man in question seems to be spending rather too much time standing too close to other women. And Jerry would be right. Whatever happens, don't be the French Lieutenant's woman - waiting for the nice man she met, and the nice times they had, to return. That ship's not only sailed baby - it probably sunk quite a few oceans ago.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
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('He set fire to my hair - but it was a very cold evening')
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Minnie...
OMG ...that was priceless....you've missed your calling...
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
There is a book called..."he's just not that into you", that I have found wonderful and highly recommend
OMG ...that was priceless....you've missed your calling...
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
There is a book called..."he's just not that into you", that I have found wonderful and highly recommend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Well it made me chuckle in recognition, that's for sure.
And that hair comment had me snorting OJ out of my nose, which was both painful and terribly unattractive.
Aye, dealbreakers are vital. Provided I have enough bollocks to enforce them as such. Otherwise I am talking, not walking.
Notsleepingwell - I didn't write it, just sat in the garden and read it in the Sunday Paper. Perhaps that is my calling.....
And that hair comment had me snorting OJ out of my nose, which was both painful and terribly unattractive.
Aye, dealbreakers are vital. Provided I have enough bollocks to enforce them as such. Otherwise I am talking, not walking.
Notsleepingwell - I didn't write it, just sat in the garden and read it in the Sunday Paper. Perhaps that is my calling.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: town in Missouri
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by notsleepingwell
Minnie...
OMG ...that was priceless....you've missed your calling...
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
There is a book called..."he's just not that into you", that I have found wonderful and highly recommend
OMG ...that was priceless....you've missed your calling...
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
There is a book called..."he's just not that into you", that I have found wonderful and highly recommend
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Awesome. Simply awesome. And true, unfortunately... I think some of us have a much higher tolerance for stuff. I don't know if that's good or bad, but it is a recurring theme in the mini series that is my life.
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