minnie

I had a really cool conversation with one of my SR buds about this whilst I was away. (that narrows it down, doesn't it?!)

Part of my healing process has been to create new memories and boy, have had made a good fist of that recently.

But another part has been to overwrite old ones. For example, the last time I was at Heathrow Airport prior to my trip was when R and I went on our last trip to Jamaica. We also visited my friend who lives nearby and that was the last time I saw him and his wife at their home. But now, when anyone mentions Heathrow, my thoughts are not about that ill-fated all-inclusive holiday (don't ask), but of the wonderful time I had with some of my most cherished pals.

There are too many more to describe, but I just wanted to share something really practical that I have found that works to heal the wounds.

denny57

It's a good topic, Minnie. It really works. This past Sunday I had my first entertaining - a bbq with all the "old gang" minus AH. Everyone briefly mentioned how the last one got a little out of hand - go figure LOL - and then we all went on to have a great time.

It also helped remind me that I have the greatest group of buds. Every single person I asked showed up - and that never happens. Now when I talk about my "last bbq" I've got a better memory.

MsPINKAcres

Talk about rewriting old memories!!

When my oldest daughter got married in May of 2002, my AH was totally "under the influence". Neither of us were in recovery, it was a horrible experience. How we managed to get thru that day was truly a Higher Power thing. But anyway, a year and half later when I decided to go to my first Al-Anon meeting guess where the meeting was, yes, you got it, at the same church where my daughter was married. I almost didn't go, but I was so miserable, I needed help.
For the first six months or so, when I would walk in the church courtyard, I would have flashback memories of that day, the way he looked, the pain, the disappointment on my daughter's face, etc.; but now, almost 3 yrs later, I rarely even think about that. I'm usually focused on the meeting, greeting the newcomers, or setting up the room for the meeting. I know now my HP just wanted to heal that painful memory for me.

Thanks for the topic - Good choice.
Thanks for letting me share,
Rita

Jazzman

The cook out I hosted during minnies trip was the first one I've done in almost two years. Of course the last one was tainted w/ memories of a certain individual that had a few too many. Memory overwritten, Bingo! Many more were overwitten during that trip as well. Last time I went to the Chart House for dinner, last time I drove accross the bay bridge....

Thanks for that

lostnotfound

I wish I could say I have some new memories, but I'm not there yet. Something to look forward to I guess.

Jazzman

You have lots to look forward to! Your recovery. This place is proof that people do recover, regardless of the choice their SOs make.

denny57

Lost, I'm here to tell you what people told me a year ago - you will make grand new memories. I was so low, I could not fathom it. Stay the course and you'll be fine.

deax

I think about this memories thing alot, because I can't escape them. For instance, my bf and I were not welcome at anyone's house when we were up here in NY. We couldn't go to my house bc of my mom, couldn't go to the house he was staying at bc of his sister-in-law, we obviously couldn't go to the house of the guy he was working for, etc. So we'd hang out alot at MY best friend's place! And we'd find a dark quiet block and make out in the car like friggin teenagers all over the neighborhood... lol. In the winter we'd see lots of movies because it was somewhere cheap enough to go that wasn't outside- my usual theater. Ate at all the regular restaurants and diners in the neighborhood, 2 of which are where his AA buddies go. Had a long, heartwrenching conversation in the parking lot at Macy's/the mall around the holidays- and I shop alot. Got the free Giants/Budweiser poster off the manager at the local Applebees during Super Bowl time... Hung out at the park with the dog when it was warm all the time-which is where I go running every day. Coffee and cigarettes and late-night snacks from 7-11 while hanging out in the car. And sometimes he's surprise me at my office which when closed was where we worked on his resume/job stuff.

Normal stuff -- but so that everywhere I go in my everyday routine, there is some significant reminder of him. :

So me too, lostnotfound. In time I hope I'll create new memories, or at least stop remembering so damn much.

minnie

That's my point, deax. I had to go to the same places, but with different people. And for happier reasons. And that I did. And, even though quite a long time has passed, I keep doing it. And it does get easier. Trust me. And when you have special people walking alongside you, literally or metaphorically, then that's when it's easiest of all.

And I am very honoured to have been a part of overwriting other people's memories too. It means a lot to me.

MsPINKAcres

I'm with Minnie - sometimes it's about making a choice to write a new memory or asking your HP for help in creating recovery memories instead of dwelling on those old memories.

Kinda like changing the radio station when the sappy song comes on the radio, you know, those ones that are all about I can't breathe if my SO is not next to me.


For me it's wanting to get thru those painful memories and start living a live that is happy, joyful and free, so that every trigger doesn't put me back into the depths of despair.

Just my way of changing my life,
See ya,
Rita

Jazzman

I just watched Failure to Launch the other day. I though it was a pretty good movie with some pretty funny parts. But the 1st 5 minutes of that movie would be gut busting hilarious to any Woman that posts here, I would imagine...

But anyway, that was the first Romantic Comedy I have whatched in almost two years.

megamysterioso

Amen Minnie!! I did this last weekend. Hadn't been to my friend's place since I was there w/XAH last. Soooo-- it was so refreshing to enjoy the PLACE for what it was and not have to worry about any possible chaos that might ensue b/c of XAH's presence. It was truly enjoyable and I got to go to new places there that I may not have gotten the opportunity to visit. Very cool and many more great new memories for us all!!

minnie

Jazz, I watched that film twice on planes last month and I have no idea how it starts. But then, I missed the middle of Walk the Line 3 times!! I liked the one with Uma Thurman getting a toyboy. Very inspiring...lol.

I have one memory that still needs to be overwritten, but have had no opportunity to do so yet. That toyboy film reminded me.....

Jazzman

It's Boy toy.
We had this conversation once before....

And of all people, YOU would LOVE the 1st 5 minutes of Failure to Launch!

cwohio

great movie - especially watching matthew m - i may be old but i ain't dead yet! LOL

minnie

It's toy boy. I should know - I'm the one who is looking for one.

Remind me of the start? The first time it was on was when I was chatting up that cute Norwegian.

minnie

Please don't anyone think I don't take my recovery seriously. Honestly, I don't know why my threads always get derailed. Jazz? You got any ideas? :wink2:

Speaking of memories, I have a question for you guys. I have two (supposed - I never know what the truth is when it comes to R) white gold and diamond rings that R gave me, one of which is the engagement ring. They aren't worth a huge amount, so selling would be pointless. I thought about getting them made into something else as a kind of "recovery" charm. Any ideas of what?

Jazzman

LOL!! OK, OK. You win!

No wonder you were distracted... OK so the credits are rolling and the beginning music is playing. He brings home a woman and represents that the house is his. They get all freindly like in bed. His Fatehr interupts them, she says "you live w/ your paternts!?!?!" He says sure! She leaves pronto! (reg flag right?)
The credits are still rolling and the scene cuts to him waking up in the morning, goes into the shower, (no butt shot, sorry Christie).
While he's in the shower his Mother comes into his room, cleans it and makes up his bed and sets out all his clean clothes neatly folded that she just washed. He walks out of the shower, smiles at his nice clean room, selects what he plans to wear for the day.
Credits still rolling.
He come downstairs to a great big breakfast his Mother cooked for him, has his fill then sets out to work for the day.

And his parent can't figure out why he still lives at home!

Jazzman

drawing a blank here....

minnie

Oh yeah!! I remember that from the second time around. The parents could sure have used a few lessons in stopping enabling.

I wanted the boat, rather than the guy, but I can see the appeal, Christie. And btw, you are so not old! I am still astounded from when you told me your age, sweetie. You sure you haven't added a few years on to get even more flattering comments? lol!