Using Others To Stop Our Pain
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
This is another gem from Melody Beattie's "Language of Letting Go", my almost favourite book. All her books are available at the SoberRecovery Store right here - and the purchase supports this site.
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained out happiness that someone else was holding - it's an illusion.
In those moments that we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.
Yes it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore hold the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.
Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.
We will see that, all along, our happiness and well-being have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.
God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained out happiness that someone else was holding - it's an illusion.
In those moments that we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.
Yes it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore hold the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.
Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.
We will see that, all along, our happiness and well-being have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.
God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.
Last edited by Ann; 02-26-2003 at 06:40 PM.
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ogdensburg, NY
Posts: 30
Merci
My dear Anns,
Thank you for sharing M. Beattie's words with me today. I am so touched by that quote and I printed it out so I can re-re-re-read it. That book and the second one are on my "to buy" list. Thanks for being here for me.
Dancing Queen
Thank you for sharing M. Beattie's words with me today. I am so touched by that quote and I printed it out so I can re-re-re-read it. That book and the second one are on my "to buy" list. Thanks for being here for me.
Dancing Queen
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sunshyne
If you come in the front door at www.soberrecovery.com you will see a spot toward the bottom of the main page and a sober store name to click on.
Sorry it took me so long. There is usually access from this message board but it doesn't seem to be working.
If you come in the front door at www.soberrecovery.com you will see a spot toward the bottom of the main page and a sober store name to click on.
Sorry it took me so long. There is usually access from this message board but it doesn't seem to be working.
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