CatsTail

Hi Everyone,

Well the S.O dry addict alcoholic is certainly behaving like he is active.

I aske dhim point blank if he was and he denied it.................hahahahaha.

So, I dropped that.

Anyway my new behaviours are.,

When he mentioned at the beginning of the week he'd started carving another bird I DIDN'T say "Well do a few and I'll take them to an art gallery I know."

I said "Oh that's nice>"

Then today when he said he didn't work because he can't see I DIDN'T say "Oh well you should get your eyes checked>"

I said Oh that's too bad and dropped it.

Because everytime he starts something there is always a reason why he can't do it. I see that very clearly today, guess I was ready to see it.

I'm not interested in feeding into this anymore.

I'm pointedly avoiding dead end conversations.

I feel the more we have conversations about things he'll do nothing about anyway that I'm enabling him not to do anything. Don't know if that makes sense.

Ngaire

cwohio

makes perfect sense - good work ngaire!

Cynay

Makes sense to me tooo.....

Sounds like recovery in action if you ask me

*hugs*

CatsTail

And I realized that he does things to make it look like he's doing something when really he isn't. He's just muddling along in the same old way.

I don;t know if that makes sense.

Ngaire

denny57

All of it makes sense ngaire. Nice recovery.

megamysterioso

Yes, I understand that completely. My XAH was much the same. I think it's so delusional of them to think that we are unable to see through this facade. Nice job Ngaire.

robina

Well done!

CatsTail

Well we had a completely wonderful,emotionally enlightening, spiritually rewarding conversation on the phone at 7am this morning.

He blew a rage gasket over god knows and freaked out told me everyone uses him and we can all go f-ourselves and hung up.

So anyway on to new behaviours, didn't call back, called an Alanon friend, went to work and gave it my cheerful, undivided attention.

Tonight is my Thursday night meeting which is in the town that he lives (usually I would go and spend the night) but obviously not this night.

So that will be wierd going to the meeting there but maybe I have to do it. No reason I should miss the meeting.

Ngaire

CatsTail

I heard this saying at an Alcoholics Anonymous speaker meeting on Saturday night.

"I may not be much but I'm all I ever think about."

Ring any bells?

Ngaire

MsPINKAcres

Hope you have a great meeting - not letting his behavior stop you from enjoying your meeting - that's recovery!!

Yea, with most A's it's always all about them - my brother, who's in the program (AA) would have loved that comment.

Have a great evening,
Rita

CatsTail

So I went to the meeting, enjoyed myself.

While I was there a light bulb went off and I'm going to deal with my enabling behaviours.

Also I have in front of my mind

"If you want something you've never had you have to do something you've never done before."

So that's my motto one day at a time. I'll try to do at least one thing differently that I haven't done before.

Ngaire

CatsTail

How do these words sound:

"At this point in time ths relationship is not meeting my needs."

Ngaire

MsPINKAcres

Sounds very healthy, direct and non-accusational - in other words - sounds like recovery!!
Good job ngaire!!

CatsTail

If somebody flipped off the deep end and told you to go f yourself would you call back?

I need to ask myself some questions.

Ngaire

Jazzman

nope, I don't have the "need" to be abused and neither do you!

minnie

ngaire, forgive me for the question, but you disappeared on us for a while there. I thought you were done with this guy?

And no, I would not call back. Probably ever.

CatsTail

Hi Minnie,

No in answer to your question Minnie I wasn't done. Things had been beengoing pretty well up until the last few weeks where he was starting to behave irrationally and illogically again.

I went to a meeting tonight. I need to proceed along with the Serenity Prayer, concentrate on what I can change,sweep my side of the street.

I realized on the way back from the meeting I'm right back in my old role of relationships, nothing changes if nothing changes. Falling back into co-dep patterns, saying "you should" too much and putting too much effort into things. Again things unbalanced.

Ngaire

CatsTail

One thing I'm wondering about is why do I always get involved with men who NEVER take responsibility for anything. Who are so caught up into the drone,drone,drone,blame,blame,blame game.

Ngaire

blizzard77

My RAH has the same behaviors as he did while drinking. Up until now I never sought help for myself at F2F alanon meeting and realize my sickness (which I did't think I had) has contributed to the destruction of our marriage. Then again, it never really was a marriage to begin with. jUst two unhealthy people actively keeping the ball rolling.
My recovery is my business and his is his business.
I am choosing to grab on to recovery with both hands for myself, not for him. I am sick, I'm a co-dependant and nothing changes if you do nothing to change it. Now, that I've found meetings I'm comfortable with and familiar faces I'm not isolated. I'm just starting so I know I have so much more to learn but I'm like a sponge, soaking it all up and it's good to know that I am free to take care of myself and should not feel any guilt for doing so.
Best wishes to you.

CatsTail

I'm sick of hooky self pity.


We all make our choices and we all have to live with the consequences of our choices good or bad.

I'm sick of victims.

Ngaire