constant

Well the opportunity presented itself Sunday a.m. to voice my anger, concern, hurt, whatever or all rolled into one. My husband apologized for the 1-7:30 "lunch" that he had had the previous Thursday. He said it was a "slip" and I responded that it wasn't a slip that he had a problem with drinking. He said he didn't mean for that to happen and I said that is exactly what I am talking about. He told me that he had problems and he was doing the best he knew how and I said that alcohol and Xanax were not the answer to his problem, that he needed to get help. I tried to explain that I love him and he is wonderful in many ways and what an opportunity he has with his life however, his repeated slips were causing me to have resentment and anger building up that I cannont control and that I fear one day I will wake up and the anger and resentment will be the only feelings have left for him. He asked me what it was that I wanted him to do and I told him I wanted him to be sober. We have beat around the bush and argued and yelled about alcohol, but he never really asked what it was that I wanted. I know this doesn't mean that he is going to stop, in fact I told him I knew in 2-3 weeks it would happen again, but I feel like a giant weight was lifted off of me to tell him how it made me feel and why I was worried and what I wanted to happen. I left the room after stating that I wanted him sober, and went about my business. No begging, pleading, threatning, just stated the facts and went on. Gosh it felt good!

I could have never done it with out coming here to these boards and reading, learning and sharing. Thanks for all the posts and advice. I also made myself a promise that I would start attending those al-anon meeting that I finally found close to my house. I don't know when it is another step I have to take, but I feel confident that I will take it.

It has been a great day and I hope that all of y'all have had the same!

dancingqueen

Dear Constant,
I am happy for you and for your strength. Please go through with your plan to attend an Al-Anon meeting. I am finding that it is the key to my peace right now. Many wishes are sent your way for continued progress, one day at a time.

EmotionalMeg

Good for you constant! You are practicing some REAL detachment here, and it can only bring you peace. One word of caution (only because I have been there)... be careful what you say. When you said that you wanted him sober, does that mean you will ONLY take him sober? Or ONLY if he is TRYING to get sober? I remember saying those exact words to my A... "I want you sober!" And now, I struggle with just how many relapses will It take... how many times will I take him back?!
Anyhow, I think you are doing great things for yourself! Going to Alanon is a big part of your success - Remember that YOU are the most important person in your life - you deserve to be happy!
Take care,
Meg

constant

Meg, I know what ya mean about the be careful what you say. I'm not even sure if I mean ONLY or TRYING, I can just feel the resentment building and I know that eventually it will out way the good. I guess I just wanted him to know that all those times when he asks why I am not affectionate and why I don't go out of my way for him that it is because I reserve my deep down, all or nothing feelings because I know the rug will get yanked again. If not next week the next, but it will come. It was almost just like letting him know that he really isn't getting away with anything, he is just bringing about our marriages demise. Maybe it helps me to alleviate some of the guilt I know I will have to face, but regardless of what it did for us, it made me feel better.

Love your flower, you have really changed your appearance. You look very peaceful!!

EmotionalMeg

Constant...
It was weird when I read your last post, cuz something jumped out at me -

"I guess I just wanted him to know that all those times when he asks why I am not affectionate and why I don't go out of my way for him that it is because I reserve my deep down, all or nothing feelings because I know the rug will get yanked again."

I tend to keep the love and affection, and only dole out as I see fit... Isn't this insane! I guess it is yet another form of "control" I have to let go of. Thank YOU for bringing it to my attention, and for just being you!
Hugs, and take care,
Meg