devastated

Hi Everyone:

I haven't posted for quite some time now and so much has happened. My son is still in Reno with his Dad. He's been there for three months now. I thought things were starting to go well for him, but unfortunately I got a call from his Dad stating that he tried to comit suicide by ingesting about 25 vicodin. My God I had just finished saying that I hadn't heard anything from him but no news was good news!
He told me they placed him in the mental health ward in Reno. I immediately called there to give them some background information on his being bipolar II and also an addict. I asked if they would hold him for 72 hours to see if they could get him on some type of meds. They said they were going to.
I spoke to my son and he was angry that the X-girlfriend didn't call to see how he was and that he was locked up in this place. I told him I loved him and I prayed he would now get the help he needed. He was angry with that and was doing his usual "blame everyone else." I said I could see that he was hurting and reaching out for help, but just not grabing the rope!
He called me later that day and they let him out! I couldn't believe it! Shortly after he started to make all the terrible phone calls to the X and to her X-husband and her boss. He hates her so much (love/hate) that he wants her to lose everything because he has and blames her!
I warned him that he was very close to going to jail for breaking the restraining order and that a police report was being made. He said he didn't care! Apparently he did care, because the phone calls stopped!
It seemed after that he started to have a better attitude and sounded so good I thought this is it, he has finally seen the light and is going to let go of the X girlfriend and start accepting the responsibilty for what has caused all his hurt and pain. That
didn't last long a couple of days later he started to rage again.

As soon as he started to display that old behavior again, I stopped taking calls.

Now it's been almost two weeks and he's seems to be back on track. However, he's still not working and I wonder how he's able to survive. I know his Dad can't afford to take care of himself let alone the son.
Anyway, he said he was trying with all his heart not to do drugs. I keep trying to encourage him telling him to go to meetings go back to mental health get the meds he needs he says yes, yes,but he doesn't do it.

Some days he sounds like he is beginning to "get it" but then he goes right back to blaming the X for leaving him when she found out he was sick with Bipolar! I told him that isn't how it happened but he just gets mad and says I'm always taking her side for everything! I get so tired of trying to reason with him.

Anyway, I just am trying to hang in there and pray every minute of every day that he'll just get help! I told him there isn't anything more I can do for him that the ball is in his court now and he has to start making some good choices.

Why do I still feel so responsible for all this mess????

Thanks for listening, Hugs Devastated

Paulie

Dev -

You feel responsbile because you are his mother...but IN NO WAY ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE!!!

I know I have told you this before, but I will say it again. I am an A blessed to be in recovery and in no way was my parents responsible for my using. I made my own choices and your son has made his.

Continue to pray for, that is all you can do. It sounds like you are setting up good boundaries not taking calls during his rage moments.

God Bless you my friend and keep you strong.

Daffodil

Dev;

The best response as to whether I (as a parent) was responsible for a son or daughter's drinking I heard on a speakers tape...

A member of AA was welcoming her daughter to the program of AA, she told her daughter,

" I realize I am responsible for 50% of how you were raised....YOU are 100% responsible IF you choose to stay that way...Wise Wise words...

I hope this helps you it surely did help me...

Love in the fellowship,

liddy

Hi devastated
sorry that even long distance we still get
the blame.Just for being a mom that cares?
My son acted that way when he was in his
manic stage and drinking heavy, gotta blame
someone why not mom, maybe she did
something to me when i was young and cant
remember.right, I just thought the sun and
moon came out for you and everything you
did was soooo good and you were so beautiful.
so much i believe is part of the illness and denial
My son sits and doesnt do much since his life
sort of fell apart around him, but i'm still in his
corner until he can put the pieces back.
I pray with you for our children and for ourselves
to grow stronger in the program to stay detached
with love. I can never go back to where I was this
time last year-scary !
God is with us to direct and surround us as long
as we let him.

love
liddy

Hangin' In

Devastated,

I'm a mom of an A child, so I know what you are going through.
And I can't give advice....I know that. But I sit here and I just wish I could detach for you. That's all I can think of....I want you to detach because you HAVE to in order to save your sanity.

And believe you me, my heart knows what you're going through.
Gosh, how I wish WE could do it for them. We'd do it in a heartbeat but, bottom line is, we just can't.

I'm praying for you and your son, and sending a big hug your way.

Love,

Hangin' In

kate01

Devastated,

You mention that you're so tired of trying to reason with him, and boy does that strike a chord with so many of us. It just doesn't work, and allows them to continue on with their anger and rage which is sometimes so twisted it's just plain scary.

I think if he chooses to recover he will realize the truth of what you've said. But probably not until then. You sound like a wonderful, loving mother. Try not to let his "crazymaking" break you down.

Hugs to you,
kate

devastated

Thanks again to all of you wonderful, caring ladies who replied to my post. It's been two days since I've heard from my Son and when I don't hear anything I go crazy. On the other hand, when I hear I go crazy! I tell you if I don't learn to "detach," as you all say, I'm the one who is going to be raging! I really do try and some days are better than others but those bad days are really bad. Fortunately, I try to keep busy and my mind off of negative. I keep saying over and over "whatever happens is God's will." Then I get paranoid when I think he may try to commit suicide again or he may be in jail or he may be involved in the drugs somewhere! I get so mad at myself for vascilating so much. I have the 7-year old adopted granddaughter (the child belongs to his x-girlfriend and I've taken care of her since she was 3 months old) and she means the world to me. Boy, do I make her take responsibility for any wrong-doings, unlike I was with my Son. I guess God has given me this chance to make it right huh? Well, anyway, I have to take it day by day and do an awlful lot of praying for him. I get so sad when I think how capable he is and what could have been! I remember when he had thousands of dollars put away and not a debt in the world. This was when he first got home after being in prison for three years nine months. He started his company from scratch and was doing so well. He had so much business he couldn't keep up. All of a sudden the bottom fell out of his life and he started doing drugs and you know the rest of the story......Thanks for listening, Devastated