Kelly0303

Well it was another lovely night at our house. Something just snapped inside of me. I feel like I can't hold it in anymore. On top of his drinking everyday.... when he is around his friends... he takes pain pills that his friends give him. Though this is not weekly it is stupid. Last night I just told him I didn't want to live like this forever. And I wasn't raising our kids in that type of enviroment. I was then informed as a wife I have no right to say anything to him about his extra activties so long as he brought home a pay check and the bills were paid. NICE huh? He told me he would not stop drinking because frankly he did not want too. He didn't have a problem and drinking is not hurting him. That I was just trying to controll him and I was unhappy with myself. I tried to explain that it is a progressive disease and it will get the best of him. But he didn't see how that could happen because nothing has happened yet. Except our marriage is falling apart, our finances suck, and we have two kids going to grow up in an enviroment like him. So long as I stay. We go an vacation in a few days so he said we would discuss this when we got back. He would handle his business the way he decided too and if I didn't like the way it ended up. I would need to handle mine. So I explained that handling mine would mean he would be leaving our house and he said he knew that. So is this part if the process? Do they finally give up on everything except for alcohol and I am left with nothing from him but an OH WELL! Just wondering if this is how it goes... just part of the disease.

minnie

Well, at least you know where you stand, which is more than many of us have been able to know.

The ball's in your court, sweetie.

LaTeeDa

I once told mine to choose the beer or me. He chose beer. Yep, said it right to my face--I would rather have beer than you. And I still stayed for almost a year after that. What was I thinking??????????

Minnie's right, what are you going to do about it?

L

marriedithink

He says he knows......mine has said that too. He's not gone yet. That's one of my favorite parts of this disease...you can't believe a word they say. As long as they are using. Good luck

denny57

It will go on like this as long as you permit it to. It took me a while, but I learned I could change so much about my life by focusing on me.

Cynay

You know... sometimes they do tell the truth and you would be wise to listen to him.

He is telling you right then and there that if you can not accept him as he is today... its over, he will leave... Oh Well. Yes hon, there is no way you can win over his mistress.... His first love is Alcohol.... he just told you the truth.

So ... what now

Jazzman

Sounds like it to me. And just think, you guys will go on vacation like everything is peachy keen. Sure you don't want to beg off and let him go by himself? That sounds like more of a "vacation" to me.

The last vacation I went on w/ M, the entire time Iwas thinking I should just leave her there and go back home. UGH!!!

I wish I did.

mfisher

I had the exact converstation with my soon to be ex AH ten years ago, I stayed around another 13 years to have my life destroyed.
He chose alcohol over me, our kids, and his own freedom (he went to prision for a year for DUI) and guess what, he is still drinking cause it's not his problem if we can't deal with it.
Its truley horrible to watch a intelligent, functional person turn into someone who thinks that not having a license, a job and a felony is perfectly normal and he still can't believe his family left him. It is a progressive disease!

StandingStrong

Yep, I'd have to say that this is part of the process. There are times that the A tells us these things - other times they tell us what they want to hear.
Interesting little story for ya - Ah and I had went to counseling about 11 years ago. During one of our sessions, the counselor asked AH why he treated me the way he did. AH's answer "Because she let's me". I was like - What!? I don't control you! I can't make you do what I want you to do" and he said "Well, you still sleep in the same bed with me, you still live with me, etc"
Now - here I am all these years later and I finally understand what AH meant when he said "Because she let's me" - Ironically, he still wants me to let him!

As was mentioned already - he's told you how he feels - now it's up to you to decide what you want to do.

Pick-a-name

Well.they are all different, but in my case,that is exactly what has happened. He just divorced me after two children and 27 years of marriage for the very reasons you stated. (Sounded just like him...same "reasons",etc.)
Hope your AH is able to think a little clearer than mine.)

prodigal

Just to reiterate, that about sums it up. He wants to drink. He doesn't feel he has a problem with drinking. So there you go. You can stay and put up with his garbage or you can leave and allow him to continue pursuing his number one, favorite hobby - drinking.

MsPINKAcres

Just like it's been said before - He's made his choice and if nothing changes - then nothing changes . . .

it didn't in our home for over 10 years - hope you don't wait that long - even if he doesn't stop what he is doing, you can find help throught this site, Al-Anon and other recovery programs - You can learn to take care of you and your children - One Day At A Time.
Keep Coming back, don't stop before the miracle happens in you,
Rita

escape artist

Dear Kelly, i don't know your whole story, but i would like to mention al-anon. Before you make any momentous decisions, try al-anon first. It will help you learn to focus on yourself, which will help him own his own actions. As long as you are there "watching over him" he feels safe and secure and will continue to behave this way (he needs someone like this to continue his triangle of hate).
However, when you learn to "detach" and lots of other things for you, then see how things turn out. Best to know as much as you can with what you are dealing with before you make a decision which will impact your whole family. Please give al-anon a try.

pmaslan

My ex never said he chose alcohol over me....
his actions proved to me that he did....
Actions speak volumes......