jackson123

Sometimes I think he's bipolar. He goes from one extreme to the other. I don't think I can ever forgive him for the cruel things he has said to me.
Last night I got a message that more or less I was LUCKY that he wanted to be with me. He said I have to much baggage (2 kids) that no one would ever want me. He said I'm stuck in the life I created for myself and that he's free to go as he pleases.
Now this is how I look at it. My kids are NOT baggage to me. They are the love's of my life. I am glad to be STUCK where I am. I live in a beautiful home (my home) and I love my job that I have been at for almost 20 years.
He on the other hand hasn't worked since February and he is 41 and has lived with his parents most of his life. That's where he is at now. Also he's an alcoholic with a severe denial problem.
I just had to vent after listening to those messages. Why does putting me down make him feel better about himself? How can he claim to love me and then in the same message call me a f**king B**ch?

Pick-a-name

Keep venting.you know the sad answers, but they are HIS issues to deal with.

(((jackson123 )))

Hope today you are able to enjoy those great kids, your nice house and your wonderful job!

lovemypup

Its just another form of manipulation. He is not getting his way so he has to try to make himself feel better. It's best just to ignore that crap. You know your better than that so chalk it up to an alcholics way of speaking. You are not enabling him anymore and he don't like that. Stay strong!

Janitw

Hun - just consider the source and forget it. He's sick. (((hugs)))

MsPINKAcres

Jackson,
Remember - Just because he says it, doesn't make it true!!

"Hurting people, hurt people" - that is not an excuse for you to accept unacceptable behavior - don't forget you have the right to set boundaries and have the ability to hang up the phone, walk out of the room, ask him to leave your home, etc. - whatever is necessary - You do not have to allow him to say those hurtful things to you - You are worthy of better conversation.
Take care of you and those wonderful children,
Hugs and blessings to you,
Rita

prodigal

If you want a straightforward answer to your question as to how he can claim to love you yet call you a f***ing b****, the answer is that he does NOT love you. Period. Why even bother wondering about it? It's obvious that people who love one another don't call each other filthy names or tell the other one they're a loser. An adult male who is unemployed and living at home? Jeesh - consider the source.

deettah

Manipulation is the name of the game my dear, chalk it up to quacking. Nothing more. They quack loudest when they are afraid, mostly of losing something and he is probably starting to feel that fear now which would explain his behavior. Have you considered NO CONTACT? I know it was the best decision I made. ((((HUGS))))

dan1958

Those things he is saying about you are really about him. In a way he is saying to himself not you. Hang in there its not personal its the alcohol

GettingFree

I think Dan is right on here. This is projection -- projecting onto you the awful things he thinks about himself because it's too painful to him. Projection is a defense that lets you avoid facing what is too painful to face.

CatsTail

It's projection.

Any way you can not listen to the messages?

I mean how important are they?
Ngaire