4LeafClover

Well my boyfriend is still drinking, but that doesn't bother me. I haven't seen him drunk in at least a week and a half. For him, that is very good. Our relationship is better, we can be ourselves. I know we are both happier. I have decided that I'm not going to worry about the future. I'll stay stronger and happier if I take it day by day. I have a therapist appointment in the morning, but I feel like I don't really need it this week. Is it OK to cancel an appointment if you feel it's not needed?

pmaslan

Let me ask you something........
How long have you been living with an active alcoholic?
If it was less than a week and a half by all means go ahead
and cancel that appointment.
This is a progressive disease that can be manipulated by the addict.
He can control it for as long as he needs to, meaning for however
long it takes for him to get you back in his game. Once he feels
he has you hooked again he will continue drinking and yes get drunk.
If I am wrong about this I will eat my words....guess I have been down
that road one time too many......

deax

This is what I have experienced too. Been wondering now (to no real avail, can't seem to figure it out) if addicts can manipulate their drug usage in the same way as they can their alcohol intake.

4LeafClover: when I first started dating my ex-bf I was ok with him drinking too. He was able to control it, I thought it wasn't a problem. Took me some time to see it become a problem in his life, and therefore in our relationship and then in my life. I think you're only seeing what you want to see right now and being hopeful, which is normal... But be aware that things will probably come crashing down again. I'd keep the therapy appt if I were you. Can't hurt, right? Just my opinion. Good luck with him.

GettingBy

Our own denial about the situation is what keeps the dance going and going. We get lulled during periods of sobriety. We start to think, "Well, maybe things aren't so bad" or "Maybe I was just overreacting." That's OUR DISEASE.

I know for me, just uttering the words, "Well he hasn't been drinking as much lately" is a BIG RED FLAG! It means it's time for me to put some major effort into my recovery. Time to get the eyes opened back up. No more LaLa land... back to reality.

Besides, the fact that you're still "monitoring" his drinking... means the focus is in the wrong place.

Just a thought, take what you like and leave the rest!
Shannon

ASpouse

WOW, a whole week and a half! ........ and you think this is good because why?

If you aren't worrying about your future then answer me this .... who will worry about it? or is your life just going to pass you by?

Sorry 4leafclover ....... you and your boyfriend are a train wreck waiting to happen.

denny57

One day at a time does not mean living in denial. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and acknowledging that requires believing there is a future that will be worse unless I change my present. I'd keep the appointment.

jackson123

If my ABF doesn't drink for a day or get completely bombed he's STILL an alcoholic to me. He doens't have to drink 24/7 to be an alcoholic. It doesn't go away or slow down.

ASpouse

Oh my God no, PLEASE keep your appointment! You are in denial and believing in a false sense of security.

GettingFree

I've had that feeling sometimes in therapy. An appointment is coming up, and there's been some relief from 'problems', I don't feel distressed, and the appointment may even seem like an inconvenience -- and I wonder is this really necessary?

I've always followed through though and I find there's usually something under those feelings. When I scratch the surface, I may find avoidance, fear, wishful thinking, denial, etc. And if not, therapy isn't that dissimilar from, say, a meditation practice in that it's always good for me because of what comes of it -- it's not about doing it only in times of extreme emotional distress. Sometimes there are breakthroughs when I least expect it.

For me, external events may change, but what's underneath to be healed in me doesn't.

best
gf

Pick-a-name

Probably not in the end stages but until then, I would say that most definately they CAN "control it; at least confine the drinking or hide it well enough that most people are unaware of it or at least the extent of the drinking or the problems it is causing in their life. I have seen it.

Sometimes they just become compulsive about something else as if to focus the energy and attention away from the drug and onto something else for awhile. Must take lots of effort, but if the pay-off is big enough, they will do what they have to do to accomplish it. Just my experience.

4LeafClover

I think ya'll are right for the most part. I didn't go to my session, but only because I have major back problems, and it was hurting too bad to even get out of bed. I have marked off a day at work though, so I will be going back. The focus should be on me, and that is definitely something I need to do. I honestly do see a change in my boyfriend, but as everyone pointed out, who knows how long it will last? I think I need to focus on me and make sure I'm happy before I start thinking about him. I think this is true in every relationship, but I just need to start doing it! Thank ya'll so much for being honest with me, ya'll are exactly what I need in my life.