needin alittle support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
needin alittle support
i really need a lot of encouragement right now to keep my mouth shout.ASAP!!
remember last week,my (great) nephew died? well,there was/is alot of anomosity between his dad and the ex-wife...u know,all the usual crap that goes on with divorces and exes,kids,teenage kids- especially. my biggest prayer was that everyone would get along thru it all,and extend the olive branch. well,that prayer was answered as all went well thru the services and such..... which i could not attend,but kept contact and sent cards to both my nephew and his ex-wife.
friday,i got a call from my son,after everything was over informing me that MY ex husband(who i rarely have contact with-his choice) was pissed because no one told HIM.now mind you he has not seen these people (MY FAMILY) for quite a few years. he did,in the beginning go there quite a bit,which caused problems for me....but in recent years had not gone anymore or had any contact. just as i was calming down over the fact that he was pissed,i get a call this morning telling me that when he rushed right over to my sister's friday afternoon,he not only expressed his PISSINESS to all that were there,but also to my niece when she called there ON THE DAMN PHONE.!!! i guess he is pissed not only at me but our kids for not telling him,as my oldest son said the stepmother has been rude to him the last few days.
all day i have been trying to rationalize all this. trying to stay calm and understand it in some way.
trying to figure out what the hell im gonna do if something happens to my sister who is not doing well at all,and my ex just has to show up then.
last night,i updated my MYSPACE......i have to say im quite proud of what i have done with it...so i let a few people know about it. one of them was my ex A.(different man,for all who dont know me) all i did was send the link,with a how ya doin? in the subject line. silly me,i thought maybe he would get a kick out of it. i thought that since its been lots of months since we have spoken,since i am happy and content in my life right now,and know i have made all the right choices it would be an alright thing to do.another olive branch per se. i get a reply back that says.......DO NOT REPLY.DO NOT SEND ANY MORE EMAILS.
well,so much for another olive branch i have extended in my lifetime. i am so sick of this. my kids dad...i tried so many times to be nice,to extend that branch and just got it stabbed in the heart.
now this one,too.
my first reaction was to call and ask why. i know that back in the beginning i said some pretty ****** things about him,(though,they were all true)but hey im only human i was hurt back then......... honestly-i did-but of course he didnt answer his phone.
yes,now im glad he didnt answer. but then my next reaction was wanting revenge again, just like back in the beginning when i was feeling so much hurt and confusion.
as im typing this...which i am soooo glad i have here to come to....i am calmed down and though about to cry,i also feel a sense of its okay.
i know alot of you will say i had to have a motive in sending it,all i truly expected was a no reply or a, hey,thats pretty cool the way you did that. that would have made me happy and felt like we were accepting and cool with each other.
as im typing, im seeing that maybe there were motives,hell,i dont know...i suppose some things on there could be thought to be about him....and they are--him and alot of hurt i have felt in my life. but there are happy things on there too. things that have gotten me to the place i am in today--peaceful and content with my life.
as im typing..geez so many things are happening,my other niece called and interrupted to tell me about the services,and how well it all went...his divorced mom and dad cried TOGETHER.....said there were over a thousand people at the wake,of all walks of life......and i was again reminded of how his death gave me the realization that i was making another mistake in my life in that relationship i was starting,that i ended last week when his death and the damn drugs made me see it. for that,i am so thankful and
quite frankly,i am damn tired of that damn olive branch.
remember last week,my (great) nephew died? well,there was/is alot of anomosity between his dad and the ex-wife...u know,all the usual crap that goes on with divorces and exes,kids,teenage kids- especially. my biggest prayer was that everyone would get along thru it all,and extend the olive branch. well,that prayer was answered as all went well thru the services and such..... which i could not attend,but kept contact and sent cards to both my nephew and his ex-wife.
friday,i got a call from my son,after everything was over informing me that MY ex husband(who i rarely have contact with-his choice) was pissed because no one told HIM.now mind you he has not seen these people (MY FAMILY) for quite a few years. he did,in the beginning go there quite a bit,which caused problems for me....but in recent years had not gone anymore or had any contact. just as i was calming down over the fact that he was pissed,i get a call this morning telling me that when he rushed right over to my sister's friday afternoon,he not only expressed his PISSINESS to all that were there,but also to my niece when she called there ON THE DAMN PHONE.!!! i guess he is pissed not only at me but our kids for not telling him,as my oldest son said the stepmother has been rude to him the last few days.
all day i have been trying to rationalize all this. trying to stay calm and understand it in some way.
trying to figure out what the hell im gonna do if something happens to my sister who is not doing well at all,and my ex just has to show up then.
last night,i updated my MYSPACE......i have to say im quite proud of what i have done with it...so i let a few people know about it. one of them was my ex A.(different man,for all who dont know me) all i did was send the link,with a how ya doin? in the subject line. silly me,i thought maybe he would get a kick out of it. i thought that since its been lots of months since we have spoken,since i am happy and content in my life right now,and know i have made all the right choices it would be an alright thing to do.another olive branch per se. i get a reply back that says.......DO NOT REPLY.DO NOT SEND ANY MORE EMAILS.
well,so much for another olive branch i have extended in my lifetime. i am so sick of this. my kids dad...i tried so many times to be nice,to extend that branch and just got it stabbed in the heart.
now this one,too.
my first reaction was to call and ask why. i know that back in the beginning i said some pretty ****** things about him,(though,they were all true)but hey im only human i was hurt back then......... honestly-i did-but of course he didnt answer his phone.
yes,now im glad he didnt answer. but then my next reaction was wanting revenge again, just like back in the beginning when i was feeling so much hurt and confusion.
as im typing this...which i am soooo glad i have here to come to....i am calmed down and though about to cry,i also feel a sense of its okay.
i know alot of you will say i had to have a motive in sending it,all i truly expected was a no reply or a, hey,thats pretty cool the way you did that. that would have made me happy and felt like we were accepting and cool with each other.
as im typing, im seeing that maybe there were motives,hell,i dont know...i suppose some things on there could be thought to be about him....and they are--him and alot of hurt i have felt in my life. but there are happy things on there too. things that have gotten me to the place i am in today--peaceful and content with my life.
as im typing..geez so many things are happening,my other niece called and interrupted to tell me about the services,and how well it all went...his divorced mom and dad cried TOGETHER.....said there were over a thousand people at the wake,of all walks of life......and i was again reminded of how his death gave me the realization that i was making another mistake in my life in that relationship i was starting,that i ended last week when his death and the damn drugs made me see it. for that,i am so thankful and
quite frankly,i am damn tired of that damn olive branch.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
ok,this is just alittle too wierd..........i just did one of those online tarot things again.....after reading what i just posted about ya got to read THIS!! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
The Knave of Chalices (reversed) in this position suggests that there is one who represents this Knave involved in your current situation. This Knave could be attempting to manipulate your emotions with seduction, social withdrawal, isolation, or deviation from what is generally considered "normal" for you, or for others around you. This Knave may not be entirely trustworthy, and in fact, may be spoiled, frivolous, irresponsible, and downright emotionally unhappy. This Knave may be promiscuous, or otherwise behaving in a way that displays no common sense or loyalty. He may not be living up to his potential as the result of an alcohol, or substance abuse problem, or perhaps food-related issues or disorders, stemming from earlier emotional pain, and is attempting to engage you in his fantasies as a distraction from his own insecurities and fears. Try not to let this Knave be a heartbreaker. Discover or reveal what is hidden.
The Knave of Chalices (reversed) in this position suggests that there is one who represents this Knave involved in your current situation. This Knave could be attempting to manipulate your emotions with seduction, social withdrawal, isolation, or deviation from what is generally considered "normal" for you, or for others around you. This Knave may not be entirely trustworthy, and in fact, may be spoiled, frivolous, irresponsible, and downright emotionally unhappy. This Knave may be promiscuous, or otherwise behaving in a way that displays no common sense or loyalty. He may not be living up to his potential as the result of an alcohol, or substance abuse problem, or perhaps food-related issues or disorders, stemming from earlier emotional pain, and is attempting to engage you in his fantasies as a distraction from his own insecurities and fears. Try not to let this Knave be a heartbreaker. Discover or reveal what is hidden.
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
I'm sorry you're feeling upset right now. Keep in mind that you have recently lost a family member, which can be very traumatic. What can you do to take good care of yourself right now? Perhaps extra Al-anon meetings for the next week or two would help...
PS - (the tarot reading sounds like quite a message from your HP!)
PS - (the tarot reading sounds like quite a message from your HP!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
update....im on the computer late....later on,i decided to reply by just saying in the subject line...excuse me,i thought we were over it.
once i did that,posting here,talking to a couple friends i was fine. little while ago,he emails me and says he didnt know what i meant by that email,hes doing good,looks like i am by my website, and hes happy for me!and there is no need to be nasty!
so i IM'd him and told him how id gotten the dont reply dont send email crap...says he didnt send it!! told him i was just upset since i was tryin to be friendly and havin a rough period. told him i didnt want to start nothing but could his girl have sent it,he said he didnt know.....so i said its all good i felt better now hearing that from him.
that was it,but thats all i need....i was/am happy and good with the way things are now.
now,if i could just get the other one to stay away from my damn family!!!!! thanks robina for being here for me.
once i did that,posting here,talking to a couple friends i was fine. little while ago,he emails me and says he didnt know what i meant by that email,hes doing good,looks like i am by my website, and hes happy for me!and there is no need to be nasty!
so i IM'd him and told him how id gotten the dont reply dont send email crap...says he didnt send it!! told him i was just upset since i was tryin to be friendly and havin a rough period. told him i didnt want to start nothing but could his girl have sent it,he said he didnt know.....so i said its all good i felt better now hearing that from him.
that was it,but thats all i need....i was/am happy and good with the way things are now.
now,if i could just get the other one to stay away from my damn family!!!!! thanks robina for being here for me.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 689
Originally Posted by sunshinebluesky
as im typing, im seeing that maybe there were motives,hell,i dont know...i suppose some things on there could be thought to be about him
When you wrote that there may be motives in sending the email, you're probably right. You say you were only 'extending an olive branch'. Why? What would you get out of inviting your ex to see your updated Myspace page? Why do you think you wanted the contact and the visibility?
When I've had slips similar to what you're describing (at least for me they were slips, they may be for you), I've been best able to answer this by looking at what I was feeling leading up to it. Looking at the emotions. Was I feeling lonely, needy, anxious, etc.
Just some questions to sit with.
best
gf
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
yeah gf,i suppose all the events in my life the previous week led up to it...as i was feeling so many things from the death,the family stuff,and making the decision on the person i was dating......................just glad now it turned out ok,and ended up being handled in a good way.
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