Question about abuse from Chess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Hopeland
Posts: 95
Maybe I should've started a new thread. All your talks about abuse have got me worried about my friend. She lives with this man who's nickname even starts with psycho. After I once witnessed him just grap a guy by the throat while drunk in the bar cos to him this guy was looking his girlfriend funny. I saw that lunatic look in his eyes and have been scared of him ever since.
And my friend got back together with this guy. It must be some kind of addiction from her part. I used to be scared that this man would end up killing my friend. His behaviour has gotten worse and the lack of respect she shows my friend(his girlfriend) is just getting worse. Last time they were separated for a few months and during this time the man stalked my friend. Threatened other males he thought were in the neighbourhood to see his ex-girlfriend. This to me sounds like scary behaviour. There's lots more.
Back to the point. I don't know what to do anymore. After getting back together with this alcoholic man my friend has started this new pattern. She freqently does not call me when she has said she would. To me this feels disrespectful and I have told her so. So far there has been many excuses but I still feel this has to do with her being involved with this lunatic. She refuses to talk about him and their relationship and says that he's been a lot better this time. What the heck does that mean?
She used to be a good friend of mine but now I feel like staying in touch with her is not such a good idea. I don't want to have people in my life who frequently go back on their word and who's boyfriends company I'm scared of. Whenever I go visit her and her boyfriend is there he constantly verbally abuses her and even though I would like to say something I feel the dread of possible violence is too strong.
Do you have any advice for me? Has anyone been in this situation?
I have given my friend all the possible al-anon and other contact information she could use but so far she hasn't taken up on them. All she has done is the man back.
As I write this to you I see that I need to tell my friend all this too. Just tell her that I'm scared of her boyfriend and and do not like how she has started treating me and see what she says.
Thanks for "listening"!
And my friend got back together with this guy. It must be some kind of addiction from her part. I used to be scared that this man would end up killing my friend. His behaviour has gotten worse and the lack of respect she shows my friend(his girlfriend) is just getting worse. Last time they were separated for a few months and during this time the man stalked my friend. Threatened other males he thought were in the neighbourhood to see his ex-girlfriend. This to me sounds like scary behaviour. There's lots more.
Back to the point. I don't know what to do anymore. After getting back together with this alcoholic man my friend has started this new pattern. She freqently does not call me when she has said she would. To me this feels disrespectful and I have told her so. So far there has been many excuses but I still feel this has to do with her being involved with this lunatic. She refuses to talk about him and their relationship and says that he's been a lot better this time. What the heck does that mean?
She used to be a good friend of mine but now I feel like staying in touch with her is not such a good idea. I don't want to have people in my life who frequently go back on their word and who's boyfriends company I'm scared of. Whenever I go visit her and her boyfriend is there he constantly verbally abuses her and even though I would like to say something I feel the dread of possible violence is too strong.
Do you have any advice for me? Has anyone been in this situation?
I have given my friend all the possible al-anon and other contact information she could use but so far she hasn't taken up on them. All she has done is the man back.
As I write this to you I see that I need to tell my friend all this too. Just tell her that I'm scared of her boyfriend and and do not like how she has started treating me and see what she says.
Thanks for "listening"!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome Chess.
You might want to start a new thread only because I would hate to see you get lost in this one.
Seems to me that you have done all you can where she is concerned. You can not change her or that situation, all you can do is voice your concerns and then set boundries for yourself.... Something like ... because of your fear of her boyfriend you will visit with her in public or at your place but not go to her home...
Once you have voiced your opinion there is really no reason to keep hounding it, hopefully your concern will sink in, but we codies are stuborn so dont be suprised if it does nothing.
You might want to start a new thread only because I would hate to see you get lost in this one.
Seems to me that you have done all you can where she is concerned. You can not change her or that situation, all you can do is voice your concerns and then set boundries for yourself.... Something like ... because of your fear of her boyfriend you will visit with her in public or at your place but not go to her home...
Once you have voiced your opinion there is really no reason to keep hounding it, hopefully your concern will sink in, but we codies are stuborn so dont be suprised if it does nothing.
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