MsPINKAcres

Ok - so I know that not everyone who takes a drink is an alcoholic, right? But sometimes, I have such a hard time being around the casual drinker.

I am a total freak of nature - 42 yr old female - never, ever been drunk, never smoked a normal cigarette, or partaking in another substances - but I am married to a recovering alcoholic/addict that has probably tried everything there is (talk about opposites attract)
Anyway, we went out with to celebrate one of our daughter's 22nd birthday last night. She drinks occasionally - her friends, Mom, (she's my step-daughter),sisters were there and they were drinking. Not drunk, just having a few drinks. Sometimes I'm ok with it and sometimes it just gives me that blah feeling in the pit of my stomach - that nauseating fear, I guess - I always have my own vehicle - taking care of me - so I can leave when I need to but I just wondered if anyone else deals with that -
Any E,S & H out there??????

Thanks,
Rita

ChildlikeFaith

Rita, I'm not much help when it comes to this, but I have found something that works for me. If they aren't getting drunk, it helps to just imagine they're drinking Pepsi. I try not even to think of it as alcohol. It gets easier and easier as time goes on. If people start actually getting drunk, I just leave. I can't handle the drunken state. *hugs*

mallowcup

There's a whole world of non drinking people in the world andf that's who I choose to spend my time with. Why? In my mind, no one needs a drink to socialize. If they do, they are in some degree of denial. I'm 50 and can't tolerate a few drinks like I used to. It makes me sleepy. The activites that I include friends in doesn't involve drinking. I don't care if people drink. The moment drinks are involved I stop relaxing and choose not to hang around. I usually just leave everyone to their fun. No problem.

Cynay

Just a thought... another way to look at this.

When I have an unreasonable reaction to something it usually triggers in me that something inside has not been completely delt with... which means I have some more work to do on myself. That is when I have to do some serious digging to work though the issue.

meli2005

I think we have strong feelings about alcohol because our lives have been so adversely affected by alcohol. We have seen teh struggles and the consequences of too much alcohol. Really, nothing good ever came out of alcohol. I'm not big either on drinking, but it seems to be so mainstream these days.

Those people who are drinking have no idea what you have been through. I'm glad I don't hang out with people who drink a lot. Never really saw the fun in it and plus it's very expensive to do esp in a restaurant or bar. I never go to bars either, just have no interest.

fartheralong

I've been in this situation. A friend of my son was celebrating a birthday. I've been to several kids parties, but I must admit this was the first that was geared not only wiht the 'themed' kids stuff but also had a keg, wine, beer, mixed drinks for parents.

By the time we left, I was nauseous. I know that it was my problem and my issue. there were three other moms that declined and we all stood around talking about school, family summer plans, whatever, but I don't know. No one else seemed to think it was odd to have all the kids swimming in the pool or dashing in and out with a sink stocked full of ice and alcoholic beverages. But it bothered me. Was I surprised it bothered me? No. I know this is an issue I'll have to deal with.

robina

Because I have experienced so much pain in my life due to alcoholics, I am very suspicious of alcohol. I am much happier in non-alcoholic social situations, but I do occasionaly have a drink (one beer, one glass of wine) if it is offered to me in a social situation.

I drink maybe 5-6 times a year, and it is always in extreme moderation. I never purchase alcohol and bring it into my home. I can take it or leave it. I have no desire to drink alcohol. My addiction is food.

I socialize with non-drinkers at times, and I socialize with drinkers also, and I must admit, I am a lot more comfortable hanging around with people who don't need any substance in order to relax and have fun.

I can't help it - I really believe that alcohol is evil.

mallowcup

I don't think it's an issue to be dealt with, I think it's called common sense. Pools and alcohol don't mix. As a mother I am grateful for your discomfort.

MsPINKAcres

Thanks for your input - as it was a celebration of my daughter's birthday so it was not something that I would totally want to avoid, because I do really enjoy being her step-mom. We are close and I want to be there to celebrate. (I am lucky that I am close with all three of my step-daughters).

I just changed sponsors and am about to work through the steps a second time, so I'm sure there will be more healing. Maybe as I do 4, 5, 6 & 7 some of this maybe resolved a little more. But I am grateful to Al-Anon, my recovery, this web site, and other recovery tools, that have given me the power to walk away when it gets to be too uncomfortable for me. My AH is supportive of that for me also. Another blessing of our recovery programs.

Thanks again for all the input - It's so great to not have to deal with this stuff all by myself.
Thanks for letting me share -
See ya,
Rita

nocellphone

It took me years in Al-Anon to finally understand why I always had such a negative, visceral, physical reaction to the smell of alcohol (prob'ly a blessing, in that it kept me from ever drinking very much).

Turns out, the smell of alcohol, especially on a person, would trigger the pain of trauma I suffered when my alcoholic/addict father (clean & sober today for many 24-hours! ) abandoned my family when I was 3 1/2 to pursue his addictions. The smell alone was enough to bring all those frozen feelings flooding to the surface, as my dad always stank of cheap booze that would sweat out through his pores. Being hugged by him was always bittersweet because I knew he would soon be leaving again.

Before my own recovery, I couldn't identify these feelings, much less process them in any healthy way. Today, because of the healing work I've done both in and out of the rooms, I am able to be around alcohol and not have the same strong reaction. I still don't like to be around it, as it has killed some people I loved, but I no longer have the same internal emotional conflict every time. It's nice to be free from that enslavement...

StandingStrong

As I told my Ah some time back - "there is no room in my life for alcohol anymore".
I attend concerts in the summer, I have been in places where people are drinking occassionally (very few times).
I choose to live my life without the involvement of alcohol. Luckily, I have friends that do drink occassionally but they don't drink around me out of respect for my feelings. If they invite me somewhere where alcohol will be, they warn me upfront, and I have the choice if I want to attend or not.
I do recall being at a concert one time and the smell just seeming overwhelming. It's amazing the triggers that the smell alone can set off internally for me. It takes some focus, but I try to disassociate the past triggers with the current situation. If I feel too overwhelmed, I remove myself from the situation. As it's my choice to do so.
I also do not ever drink. I haven't had a drink in years! There have been occassions where I felt like going and just getting drunk - probably those times where I'm just feeling angry, hurt, or have that "IF I can't beat them , join them" attitude - but I never give into that attitude. It quickly goes away when I remind myself of all the damage that AH has casued in his life, my life, and our kids lives. I've watched too many people's lives be destroyed by alcohol and I choose to not go there.

Wendy1967

I'm one who chooses not to be around people who are drinking excessively. I don't really mind social drinkers, because I happen to be one. It's when the person wants to include alcohol in EVERY event regardless of the consequences (danger, illegality etc.) that I have to cut them loose from my list of friends to keep.