Trying to Make Sense
survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: florida usa
Posts: 25
Trying to Make Sense
I am so glad I have found this site. I knew this was going to be hard, to try to gain my life back, and let my husband go to whatever it is he needs to do, without me.
We have 2 children, 12 and 8. So even though I would like to end contact with him, I have to still deal with him as a "father". He does not yet recognize he is an alcoholic. He just sees me as the cause of all of our problems. Of course, his new girlfriend isn't doing him any favors. She will someday be in my shoes, and she can have my shoes.
He isn't my problem any more, but because of the kids, this is even harder.
I am in a 12-step program for myself, and working on Step 1. I think every day will get easier, but it isn't. I have filed for divorce, after 15 years. I never thought it would go this way, but it is the only way to get him out of the house, and get away from his control.
He tried to make me feel wrong for getting a lawyer, saying he would have probably given me things in the divorce that a lawyer would advise against. I welcome a judge to decide, as his vision is clouded. At first I also welcomed the long divorce proceedings, thinking maybe he would "wake up". Since starting my recovery, I realize he will most likely never come around, and now I just want it over.
He is not the man I married. I don't recognize him. This cold, cheating, uncaring man. He blames it all on me. I have learned to call it was it really is--alcoholism. I wish he could do the same.
I don't feel sorry for myself, just sad...but on the road to recovery.
We have 2 children, 12 and 8. So even though I would like to end contact with him, I have to still deal with him as a "father". He does not yet recognize he is an alcoholic. He just sees me as the cause of all of our problems. Of course, his new girlfriend isn't doing him any favors. She will someday be in my shoes, and she can have my shoes.
He isn't my problem any more, but because of the kids, this is even harder.
I am in a 12-step program for myself, and working on Step 1. I think every day will get easier, but it isn't. I have filed for divorce, after 15 years. I never thought it would go this way, but it is the only way to get him out of the house, and get away from his control.
He tried to make me feel wrong for getting a lawyer, saying he would have probably given me things in the divorce that a lawyer would advise against. I welcome a judge to decide, as his vision is clouded. At first I also welcomed the long divorce proceedings, thinking maybe he would "wake up". Since starting my recovery, I realize he will most likely never come around, and now I just want it over.
He is not the man I married. I don't recognize him. This cold, cheating, uncaring man. He blames it all on me. I have learned to call it was it really is--alcoholism. I wish he could do the same.
I don't feel sorry for myself, just sad...but on the road to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
hi again alcohol sucks
holy cow - we could be married to the same man. same amount of time. same progression of the disease. i don't have any children, though
i'm with you - she (or they as the case may be) can have ALL my shoes LOL.
i also would like to see the whole divorce process speed up now - but you know what, the longer it goes, the stronger i get and i see things more clearly and i'm more inclined to demand what is my due. maybe try to find a bright spot in it all.
i also don't recognize my AH. it's painful to see, but i pray every day that his HP looks over him on this journey.
one day, every day will get easier, but once in a while you'll go back a day or two and that's just to be expected
well, i've had a very exhausting day of reading produced documents in my case so i'll sign off. i wish you all the best - it isn't easy, and i can only imagine even more so with the children involved
take care
holy cow - we could be married to the same man. same amount of time. same progression of the disease. i don't have any children, though
i'm with you - she (or they as the case may be) can have ALL my shoes LOL.
i also would like to see the whole divorce process speed up now - but you know what, the longer it goes, the stronger i get and i see things more clearly and i'm more inclined to demand what is my due. maybe try to find a bright spot in it all.
i also don't recognize my AH. it's painful to see, but i pray every day that his HP looks over him on this journey.
one day, every day will get easier, but once in a while you'll go back a day or two and that's just to be expected
well, i've had a very exhausting day of reading produced documents in my case so i'll sign off. i wish you all the best - it isn't easy, and i can only imagine even more so with the children involved
take care
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Welcome to one the greatest resources on line. I saw one of your other posts and I know how you feel 'cause I'm living in a similar situation. I haven't asked for a divorce because he's "trying" to get sober. Wish I could say things were better between us now that he's going to meetings but the reality is we have a long way to go and I don't know where the road will end. Congratulations on finding the end of the road. I know it isn't easy arriving there, I'm terrified of getting to that place but a part of me is a little envious because you're going to get to live your life without stressing the second you hear the key in the door at the end of the day.
I hope you stick around, get to know the wonderful people here and find this place as helpful to you as it is to me.
I hope you stick around, get to know the wonderful people here and find this place as helpful to you as it is to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nowhere TX
Posts: 60
(hugs), Alcoholsucks. Welcome to SR. I saw so much of myself in your post. I too filed (just yesterday in fact) from my AH of 11 years. Two kids 7&5. sigh.
Don't you just *love* the mind games they play, the guilt they try lay at our door. I just finally realized, just because he lays it at my door does not mean I have to pick it up. Still do sometimes, but not as much as I used to.
Here's to you, to us, and a calmer, more peaceful life.
Best to you and yours,
FA
Don't you just *love* the mind games they play, the guilt they try lay at our door. I just finally realized, just because he lays it at my door does not mean I have to pick it up. Still do sometimes, but not as much as I used to.
Here's to you, to us, and a calmer, more peaceful life.
Best to you and yours,
FA
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