antreeta

I need encouragement that I am not being grouchy. That normal people would react the same way I am feeling.

My A husband moved out last week, we were supposed to get together tonight for dinner and he is supposed to pay me $20. he borrowed from me. Well, he calls at work saying he can't make it because he has a new sponsee he is supposed to meet with tonight. I reminded him about the $20. I am not letting that get by anymore. But my knee jerk reaction ( and I think it is healthy) is that he put an appointment aside for one he would rather attend to. Like I am not as important as a fellow alcoholic. I think it is rude and not courteous. But I am ACCEPTING the fact (kicking and screaming) that he is not dependable and he feels he can brush me aside when it is not convenient. And he started telling me he loves me when he hangs up the phone. That makes me angry.

The reason he moved out is because he needed to work harder on his program and that we weren't clicking as a couple. I am finally getting over the numb feeling and getting some anger. Which is what I prefer now. This really sucks.

Thanks for listening.
Love
Antreeta

kate01

Antreeta,

I think all feelings serve their purpose. Your anger has to be vented in some way, I just hope it's in a healthy productive way. For me, I threw my anger into a new exercise regime and it's really helping, to say the least.

I wouldn't like being stood up either. By anyone, recovering alcoholic or not. Of course you were upset. Anyone would be. I'm also sure you set your boundaries in the phone call and he knew you felt slighted. Not much more you can do, but try to let it go, and channel your energy into something more productive.

Hang in there! Did you read Searching's post today on serenity and expectations? I think that would help. Certainly did me.

Hugs to you!
kate

antreeta

Thank you, Kate. It is just my feelings are so jumbled right now.
I can't tell if I am thinking rationally or not. So far I have not used my anger inappropiately. Yeah!! Thanks so much for the logic. Sometimes it escapes me.

Yes, I saw the great post on expectations. It was right where I needed it.

Gabe

One of my biggest problems with my alcoholic, when we were still together, is that I always came in around fourth place. I never minded coming in second to his music (everyone please make the sign of the cross, douse yourselves in holy water and pray that you never become involved with a musician...God bless the mark...Amen) but I did mind being bumped for work, TV, his mother, the computer...you name it.
If your guy owed you money, he certainly owed you the courteousy of making time to meet with you and pay you back. IMO, he could have done that and met with his sponser as well.
I had to laugh when I read your "ACCEPTANCE (kicking and screaming)" because I find myself in that position a lot of times (gnashing my teeth and wanting to kick holes in drywall).
For me personally, I'm sure the concept of acceptance is a little more on the peaceful side. I'm still a work in progress on that one.
Peace,
Gabe

Ann

Antreeta

Your feeling are justified and valid. He stood you up when he could have had dinner, paid you the money and met with his sponsee after dinner. But he didn't ....sigh.

Feeling our feelings, is part of recovery. We have been burying them for so long, pretending we are "fine" when we are "totally unfine", and this is a great time to think about how you really feel.
It can be a painful thing to do, but we acknowledge our feelings, address them and then we can move foreward.

And Gabe...."Amen"