lovemypup

I too was married for 27 years. In the 26th year it happened. He was drunk and I pushed him by yelling at him for being drunk. I never hit him.
He was so drunk and this time he retaliated.

I was like you and said " I know this man inside and out and never in a million years would he hurt me". We rarely fought over anything except his drinking.

Well guess what he turned around and grabbed my neck. He proceeded to squeeze hard. He let go as he threw me against the wall. I grabbed my purse as it was laying near me and I dug for my phone fast. I found my phone and he took it from me. I was so suprised and so shocked that he actually did this to me. I just couldnt even think. My god the man I loved for all these years actually hurt me.

He then realized what he did and talked me out of calling anyone. He promised he would never do it again. I stayed with him for another year but that abuse never left my mind. Now you know, it can happen to you no matter what you may think.

ChildlikeFaith

Many people think it isn't abuse if they don't actually hit you. In fact, to this day, my second husband says he never hit me so it wasn't abuse. When I went to the police about the abuse I received from him, they told me that even restraint is a form of abuse.

sunshine003

thanks minx....I wasn't trying to minimize. I'm still learning. I'm sure you can see where my thought process is. I never thought it was normal, realized it was violent but didn't think it was physical abuse.

Minx1969

Sunshine - didn't think you were minimalizing..

sometimes it's really hard to see..

Today I can see that an exabf from 6 years ago - physically abused me..he only grabbed me once, but also intimiated me once.

For me - I rationalized it because he never "hit me"..See my dad hit my mom so that would have been a deal breaker for me.

Today NONE OF THOSE things would be remotely acceptable to me.

megamysterioso

Lizzy girl--- my AH did many of the same things with me that you describe and for a long time, I too minimalized it as "not that bad." That is just denial working its disgusting magic. Even though my AH may have never full on hit me in the face, he still damaged my property, left bruises on my wrists and arms from the grabbing and left me plenty to ponder after all was said and done. It IS abuse b/c it is meant to control and instill fear. In retrospect, I WAS physically abused every time he laid a harsh hand on me. Please do not continue to minimalize what is happening here. People who are in control of their emotions do NOT act in such ways as you described. Therefore, never take for granted that your safety is a certainty. He is obviously NOT a stable nor rational human being. "Crimes of passion" happen every single day to those who "never thought it could happen to them."

harleygirl92156

Abuse like alcoholism esculates and abuse WITH alcoholism esculates even faster.

I to felt safe with my husband. He was a mental abuser when he drank, but the only physical incident over 10 years was him grabbing my purse once to get the car keys and me fighting to keep it and hurting my shoulder. When it happened years ago, I convinced myself it was my fault (duh) because I kept a hold of the purse and of course he let me think that.

With that being the only time there was physical abuse of any kind, I was like you and often taunted him when he was drunk, I was mean mouthed, calling him names and he always just took it.........UNTIL.........

The last binge he had was a huge one, he came home after being in a bar fight, I was on a roll and let him have it. Suddenly, my husband was gone, I could see it in his eyes, he grabbed a gun and before it was over, I was running across the snow covered lawn bare foot in 10 degree temps trying to escape being shot. Hubby was standing in the front yard shooting. Most frightening moments of my life.

Now, today I can still honestly say my husband has never HIT me, has he physically abused me YES, has he mentally abused me YES, has he emotional abused me MOST DEFINATELY. Did it esculate over time....Yes over a period of 10 years.

So, don't wait for him to beat you, he needs to get help before it gets to that point and you need to get out of there until he gets help. If he refuses to get help then you need to stay away from him for you own safety.

You know what he is doing is wrong and I read fear in your post. Please, Please, Please, don't do what I did and stick around until it esculates to the point that you life is in immediate danger. Do something about it TODAY! Please get and stay safe!

I am sorry you are going through this, only you can do what you need to do to make sure you (and children if you have them) stay safe. Don't wait, don't put it off, do say if he does it again I will do something. Next time could be the last time and you may no longer be alive to do something about it.

harleygirl92156

I can remember said nearly the exact same words to friends and they looked at me and expressed that they thought I was crazy. I totally understand and agree with your statement here ASpouse. I remember thinking if he would just beat me, I could show someone the bruises and then they would UNDERSTAND what I was going through.

Mental and emotional abuse are so hard to explain to someone who has never endured it. The brusing is on the inside and invisible, but the pain is far worse than a physical beating could ever be.

mallowcup

Well the danger in that thinking is that we find ourselves grateful that we aren't being hit, as if to say that not being hit means things aren't that bad.

Pick-a-name

I think you and I might be seeing this the same way. What you describe is more like the abusive way my AH acts and I DO think it is about alcoholism and how the alcohol disrupts his brain. Usually these incidents were in what apparently were blackouts. This is unlike his behavior for the 30 years I have known and been with him. It increased as his frustation and irritability,etc did as the alcohol consumption increased. Just my observations in my situation. Of course, it is not acceptable, no matter the "reason".

Lizzy.good advice. Please be careful.

lizzy girl

Thank you everyone for a rude awakening. Reading these posts certainly has scared some sense into me. I've promised myself not to take my husbands intimidating and threatening behavior lightly if it should happen again.