Roommate with mental illness and drinking

Old 02-18-2003, 01:20 PM
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Roommate with mental illness and drinking

I post all the time on a mental health board but need some support over here.

My roommate (former bf) has paranoid schizophronia and is on meds. But he drinks almost 4-6 days a week like there's no tomorrow and comes home and denies it. His meds won't work properly with him drinking and the mental health clinic he goes to to get the meds could care less. They are so understaffed and they herd people in and out fast.

I've gone with him to his every 2-3 month appointments but as long as the dr. sees him act o.k. they can't hospitalize him.

He drinks and drives and that's the big problem *I* have. He goes to a local bar and drinks away the afternoons. He's on social security disabillity which pays for his truck note and $300 for rent to me and there is nothing left. I'm the payee on his check so he can't get ahold of the money. His mom keeps funneling him money and I've told her to stop and told her about the drinking.

I'm tired of it all and don't know if he really understands the consequences of his actions since he has this illness.

I really believe he has a problem with booze. He keeps denying he's drinking that much but I can smell it on him from 2-3 feet away.

He doesn't work and can't hold a job, yet several times he's "disappeared" for an afternoon through late in the evening and called me from Atlanta as I recognize the numbers on my caller id. He's also "disappeared" for several days and once weeks at a time.

At this point I don't know what to do.
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Old 02-18-2003, 01:33 PM
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Hi Beachbum,

Knowing your story as I do I want to say this: Schizophrenia is one thing, alcoholism is quite another. As in my case as you know my story well too, schizophrenia is one thing abuse is another.

If he can sail off to Atlanta and whatever else he does then he is just as d@#n capable of working, stopping his drinking and taking his meds.

Too much enabling goes on over at schiz.com and they write off very unacceptable behaviour due to schizophrenia.

At this point the one who is doing ALL the suffering and ALL the work is you no one else. His mother doesn't want to understand she just wants you to live with the load and he won't do anything he has it easy. Hopefully you through therapy and meetings can find the strength within yourself to end this suedo relationship and get on with YOUR life. Screw him he'll make out fine.

Ngaire
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Old 02-18-2003, 07:33 PM
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Red face

HI beachbum (love your name)
welcome here to the alanon boards!
My son was diagnosed with a duo diagnosis
of alcohol and BP and mild schiz.
and having an alcoholic daughter as well
it was a tough year believe me.
I am slowly coming to terms with the fact
that I am not only powerless over alcohol
but the mental part , if my son is not coming
to terms with his illness and not taking any
meds which he is not, then I can do nothing to
change him into seeing things my way. He must
work that out with his higher power.(he is 32)
I'd been having some real struggles trying to
apply this with step 1 : we admited we were
powerless over alcohol that our lives had become
unmanageable.
but, i would say(to myself & God) this is also a mental problem
shouldnt i be trying to do something ! what i was doing was
starting to get myself sick again. Beachbum, I have to
believe that admitting I am powerless is not just over alcohol
but anything I cannot control !
You must continue with your life, have fun, think of yourself,
I would do anything if it would of helped my grown children
but nothing i did worked, not yelling, crying,anger,all I
did was find myself in a fog , no way out, without my
family the way things used to be, I thought all was lost.
But I am finding out all I did was get in the way for their own
recovery.
I hope this message was a help to you. Its darn hard to let
go and let God, and somedays you must let go again and again
but as I see this program of recovery work, there is a freedom
that comes in its place.
God Bless you , keep coming back
love liddy
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Old 02-19-2003, 08:34 AM
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Surely there are shelters, or institutions available to him.

Why are you responsible for him?
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Old 02-19-2003, 11:19 AM
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I'm not responsible for him legally. There are no homes or institutions anymore since the laws changed a few years ago. They have to be a danger to themselves or others and it's very very hard to prove. Schizophrenics are usually on their best behavior at the dr.'s office or an emergency room if you can get them in to see someone.

We were bf and gf for a few years until that type of relationship ended. Now he's just kinda "there". The drinking is irritating because he drinks and drives for one thing and then doesn't do anything around the house.

I used to think it was all his mental illness but since he has the good sense to go to Atlanta or go to the bar everyday and socialize I feel like I'm just enabling him by babying him.

Social Security wouldn't let him directly have his checks and since he lived with me I'm the payee.

He has no where to go but I'm sure his mom would end up helping him since she still gives him money. She used to support him b4 he moved in with me.

If I want a bf I'm gonna have to get him outta the house and really think about moving on with my life. He's a sweet guy but is really useless to all of us at home.
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Old 02-19-2003, 11:21 AM
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((Ngaire)) Good to see you over here. Yes I too think too much enabling goes on at sz.com, but I don't say anything as I try to stay neutral.

I just keep getting sucked-in to his crap. I'm a miserable human being right now. I'm mad at myself for doing this to myself. I could have so much more.
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Old 02-19-2003, 12:36 PM
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Hi Beachbum,

Go to this site: www.geocities.com/andifekete/index.html.

Maybe do some reading over there and see if you can relate to anything pertaining to him and you.

Ngaire
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Old 03-04-2003, 10:54 AM
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Ngaire: That link isn't any good.
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Old 03-04-2003, 10:57 AM
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Well, nothing has changed in the past week or two. I guess it's a little worse as he rammed our mailbox and put a big crack in the mailbox post.

He's still drinking every single day; he can't wait to get up at 1:00 p.m. drink a cup of coffee and then he's out the door to the bar. Lately I'm finding him disgusting and don't even want him around. He won't take care of his hygiene issues either (which is common for sz's anyway).

So, just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-04-2003, 12:06 PM
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When you get ont othat link Beachbum you have to go on INDEX in case you didn't already try that. Then it brings you onto a page that says but he said he loves me.

Probably not much will change Beachbum.

Ngaire
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Old 03-10-2003, 10:18 AM
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Ngaire: It says the page wasn't found.
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Old 03-10-2003, 10:44 AM
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It's www.geocities.com/andifekete/index.html

How is it going? I haven't seen you on schiz lately?

Ngaire
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