atalose

The addict in my life received treatment because he got arrested and his lawyer told the court he was going into a rehab to seek treatment. He was arrested on charges of terrorist threats (to me) while out of his mind on drugs. When they went to serve him with the restraining order, they found drugs (steroids) and charged him on that as well. The pills, coke and pot were not there because he had taken it all. He was in jail for 12 days some of them in the medical ward I guess detoxing. He completed a 28 day inpatient treatment; they wanted him to go directly into an intermediate program or a halfway house out of the area. He did not want to do that, he tells them he wants to come back and re-built his life not start all over some where else. He talks often to one of my friends and she is getting the impression that he is minimizing what his drug use was. He only talks about the steroids not the oxycotin or the xanax or the coke or the pot. He claims he can’t go into another treatment facility because he needs to work and make money. He doesn’t see why he needs to go away to another treatment place when he can go to the 3 hour therapy sessions 4 times a week here. He can attend meetings here. When I found out he was taking steroids, I expressed my concerns and begged him to stop, of course he lied to me and of course I believed him only to find out he has been taking them non stop for almost 2 years. About 2 months ago I caught him with the steroids and with pot, again I begged him to get help so he could stop. He asked me which one of those bothered me the most the pot or the steroids. My answer was the pot, so he took that to mean, I knew of his steroid use and was ok with that. That’s what he told my friend. My gut is telling me that he is not serious about his recovery, he is minimizing it all. He does express to her how he does not want to ever go back to jail and he knows right now if he violates the restraining order I have, that’s where he’ll end up. My concerns are, he didn’t go to rehab on his own free will, he’s minimizing his drug use and is not wanting to accept the better of the treatments. He has expressed that after a month of his 3 hour therapy sessions, would I be willing to lift the restraining order and come to a session with him to work on rebuilding us and our relationship. Am I reading too much into all this and am I being to untrusting?

denny57

Hi - yesterday you posted this:

I am working hard on me and learning as much as I can about addiction. I am just not emotionaly strong enough yet to work directly with him on things.

What are you doing for yourself at this time?

atalose

I am going to therapy and reading and learning as much as I can about addiction. I also have attended ala-non and talk with the people I have met there. I have good days and bad days, today seems to be one of those bad days.

LaTeeDa

I have noticed quite a few posts on this forum along the same lines. The A claims to have made a miracle turnaround in just a matter of days or weeks and wants to know when they can come home. The same thing happened in my case. 10 months later, and he still is not home. My choice, my boundary.

I did not trust that his "sudden" turnaround was real, or even if it was, that it would last. They seem to want to "hurry up" and get things back the way they were. BIG RED FLAG. My feeling is that if they are truly getting sober, what's the hurry? They will still be sober down the road when you are ready to consider rebuilding the relationship, right? I say, take all the time you need and do not be rushed into anything you do not feel comfortable with. At one point my husband said he felt like he needed to press me for an answer. Did I want him back or not? I told him I was not ready to make a decision, but if he forced me to, I would decide on divorce. Guess what? He backed off on pressuring me.

When you finally realize that it's not about him, then you will be able to take things at your own pace. This is your life for you to decide what you want to do with it. His life is his. I hope you will at least think about what I said. If there is love, it will last more than a month.

L

denny57

I've had plenty of them. Looks like you're doing all the right things for yourself. When I'm doubting and feeling myself slipping back into old ways of thinking and doing, I pick up the phone and have someone talk me out of it. Hang in there.

atalose

Thank you, I do know I am getting stronger and no I will not be rushed to make any decision, like you if I am going to be pushed into that, then the answer will be NO, I do not want to have a relationship with him. The more I read about addiction the more I am understanding and seeing things in him that I didn't see before. He seems to be a master at lying and at this stage of his recovry, what's different? (nothing) I am understanding his two different personalities, the man I fell in love with and the addict that takes over the better part of him. It's almost like two different people, battleing to be in control, it seems the addict has always won. When I met him, he was clean/sober but now I am learning that for most of his adult life, he was using. The first few years we were together were the best, he was happy, couldn't believe how wonderful his life was after all he had been through. Now I learn that on our third year, he started using steriods, so basically he was not clean and the addict was taking control. Steriods were the gateway for the addict in him to begin using other drugs, of course, that's what addicts do. The addict took control and destroyed his life because that's what addicts do. The addict lost his job, lost his relationship and lost his home and most of his family members who have had it. And once again the battle begins in recovery the addict vs: the man I fell in love with. Odds and history can almost predict that, but I have faith that people can and do change, only time will tell the results of this one.

Jazzman

You're right on so many levels!
That's what addicts do....
People can beat it.....
Only time will tell....

You are getting stronger!
You are seeing things more clearly!

Knowledge is power.

denny57

That is one of the reasons I attend open AA meetings. It reminds me people do recover, every day. It allowed me to let go and let my AH's HP lead him where he needed to go. But more importantly, let me find my own path again.

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