Introduction of an alcoholic's wife
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NM
Posts: 7
Introduction of an alcoholic's wife
Good afternoon to all!
I just joined this site after viewing forum entries for a year. My name is ForgottenWife and my husband is an alcoholic.
I have gotten to my wits end with this man and his alcoholism. I am looking forward to sharing experiences, learn all it is I can learn about dealing with this and to make my life a little bit easier using this as another form of an outlet.
Here's my story.
We moved to New Mexico a little over three years ago. At that time (only moving far, far away from friends and family) I discovered how bad and how hidden this disease was for my AH. He was drunk by noon by his flavor of choice - vodka. I would come home from lunch and he would be passed out on the couch. He drank everyday and when he did this he became violently mean. Not physically. The words (if you could understand through all the slurring) were powerful and hurtful.
Things became a little better once I said I was going to leave if he continued to drink and bring in $0 income. I was not paying for his addiction. He did find work and was quite successful at it for about two day stretches. Meaning about every two days he would be inebriated again. Sloppy & mean & drunk.
We moved into our home now. I never ever wanted this card I was played, but I had to finish out this hand. He was great for a bit, but only after did I find out he was again drunk during the day but sobered up before I came home. My AH would drink a 5th of Vodka a day. Blech! I was now beginning to wonder why 'friends' were no longer around....
I became pregnant. I was terrified of what I was doing, how was I to raise my child in a situation like this? Was I just as selfish to do this to a baby, to bring this baby into a home like this? Screw it. I wanted it all and I was bound and determined to then 'fix' my family. I wanted the white picket fence, the H who provides and the cute baby in my arms. Pregnancy was terrible. I was yelled at every change he got. He lost interest on his job. He embarassed me so much at my birthing classes - I quit going. I had no clue how to breathe through a contraction. The baby came via c-section. I had to drive home with AH in the back to hold the babies head. I only found out later that he was shlockered.
What did I get myself into - where did my H go to? I was at a loss. I was controlled, manipulated, yelled at, abused (verbally) and I was still sticking around. I felt like a fool.
Then it happened. Things changed the day my son was hurt. I grew a backbone. It is one thing to have myself messed with, but you mess with my child, you might as well run now.
AH was lying he was drinking. I HAD to go back to work (story for another time). AH was drinking while watching our son. AH dropped our son onto a tile floor, face first, while holding a drink in the other hand. I drove home from work. I gathered our son and AH in the car. We drove to emergency. AH told the staff (doctors and nurses and anyone who was in the waiting room) I did this. To avoid confrontation at the emergency I let it be.
AH is now in AA. Only after this recent stint of flying AZ (still bewilders me how they let him on the plane), he is now in a rehab. I am in counseling and I go to Al-Anon.
I am determined to make my son happy. He is too young to know what his father is like now. I pray that this rehab will change things, but I am prepared to leave if it does not. AH has a lot on his plate but that was his choice and now he must deal with these cards he is delt with. I am supportive, but I am no doormat anymore.
ForgottenWife
AH has been sober for 3 days.
I just joined this site after viewing forum entries for a year. My name is ForgottenWife and my husband is an alcoholic.
I have gotten to my wits end with this man and his alcoholism. I am looking forward to sharing experiences, learn all it is I can learn about dealing with this and to make my life a little bit easier using this as another form of an outlet.
Here's my story.
We moved to New Mexico a little over three years ago. At that time (only moving far, far away from friends and family) I discovered how bad and how hidden this disease was for my AH. He was drunk by noon by his flavor of choice - vodka. I would come home from lunch and he would be passed out on the couch. He drank everyday and when he did this he became violently mean. Not physically. The words (if you could understand through all the slurring) were powerful and hurtful.
Things became a little better once I said I was going to leave if he continued to drink and bring in $0 income. I was not paying for his addiction. He did find work and was quite successful at it for about two day stretches. Meaning about every two days he would be inebriated again. Sloppy & mean & drunk.
We moved into our home now. I never ever wanted this card I was played, but I had to finish out this hand. He was great for a bit, but only after did I find out he was again drunk during the day but sobered up before I came home. My AH would drink a 5th of Vodka a day. Blech! I was now beginning to wonder why 'friends' were no longer around....
I became pregnant. I was terrified of what I was doing, how was I to raise my child in a situation like this? Was I just as selfish to do this to a baby, to bring this baby into a home like this? Screw it. I wanted it all and I was bound and determined to then 'fix' my family. I wanted the white picket fence, the H who provides and the cute baby in my arms. Pregnancy was terrible. I was yelled at every change he got. He lost interest on his job. He embarassed me so much at my birthing classes - I quit going. I had no clue how to breathe through a contraction. The baby came via c-section. I had to drive home with AH in the back to hold the babies head. I only found out later that he was shlockered.
What did I get myself into - where did my H go to? I was at a loss. I was controlled, manipulated, yelled at, abused (verbally) and I was still sticking around. I felt like a fool.
Then it happened. Things changed the day my son was hurt. I grew a backbone. It is one thing to have myself messed with, but you mess with my child, you might as well run now.
AH was lying he was drinking. I HAD to go back to work (story for another time). AH was drinking while watching our son. AH dropped our son onto a tile floor, face first, while holding a drink in the other hand. I drove home from work. I gathered our son and AH in the car. We drove to emergency. AH told the staff (doctors and nurses and anyone who was in the waiting room) I did this. To avoid confrontation at the emergency I let it be.
AH is now in AA. Only after this recent stint of flying AZ (still bewilders me how they let him on the plane), he is now in a rehab. I am in counseling and I go to Al-Anon.
I am determined to make my son happy. He is too young to know what his father is like now. I pray that this rehab will change things, but I am prepared to leave if it does not. AH has a lot on his plate but that was his choice and now he must deal with these cards he is delt with. I am supportive, but I am no doormat anymore.
ForgottenWife
AH has been sober for 3 days.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Welcome to SR.
You seem to have everything in order and doing what needs be done.
Congratulations there.
I am sure you will find a great group of support people here and we will be blessed with what you may share as well.
Again Welcome.
You seem to have everything in order and doing what needs be done.
Congratulations there.
I am sure you will find a great group of support people here and we will be blessed with what you may share as well.
Again Welcome.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, glad you posted. You have your priorities straight, your son. He comes first. Living with an "A" father will leave a deep scar on your son, one that is very difficult to heal. I know, that was my childhood.
Keep your resolve, you are a good mother.
Dolly
Keep your resolve, you are a good mother.
Dolly
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
Wow, you have been thru a lot. My AH would get drunk while watching our son as well, luckily now sober. Nothing terrible happened thank the LORD!!! But I told him he must get alternate care if he is going to behave liek that. It is not acceptable and it is dangerous.
Only time will tell if your H will get better and go into recovery. For now, continue the counseling, you will need it. It's not easy being the wife of an alcoholic.
Keep coming back to the forum.
Only time will tell if your H will get better and go into recovery. For now, continue the counseling, you will need it. It's not easy being the wife of an alcoholic.
Keep coming back to the forum.
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