I am lost... Please help me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Porto
Posts: 1
I am lost... Please help me
Hello,
This is my first post in this forum. I am 16, my parent's are divorced and i live alone with my mother. I need help helping my mother throw her alcoholism.
Since i was a child, my father was an alcoholic. He'd come home almost everynight drunk, and fight with my My mom and dad fought almost every night since i was 5 and until i turned 15. It was very hard to go throught this situation and i had all kind of problems outside home because of his alcoholism. I felt alone, umpretected, sometimes i felt invalid. I fighted with my friend's and classmates all the time over nothing, i was a reactive and defensive kid all my life. Luckyly i was strong enought to get through that, so that now im calmer. I have lots of friends who i love and know i can trust that help me through the less good days.
Some months (october) my parent's had a divorce and my father went to live in france, and that's when things started getting bad for my mum. She claimed to love my dad a lot, that it was very hard to live withouth him even thought he was the biggest idiot ive known in my life.
That's when my mom started drinking. Ever since then she drinks almost every night, but she never assume's it. She hides her drinks around the house and when something barely bad happens at work or in the family (for example, my sister getting sick) she drinks a bit more. I brought this to my mom's side family attention by the phone, because they live in a city far away, wich makes me feel more alone. She obviously needs to get treatment, but she wont accept to get interned in any way (I don't know why.. maybe she's afraid her colleagues at work will get to know and make fun of her. My mom is a very insecure person). When i ask her to get interned, she tells me she doesnt need to, that she can handle the problem by herself, wich is stupid. I try not to fight her, and to stand at her side all the time, but i also tell her that she is being stupid when needed.
My aunt is a former alcoholic who got over it with treatment and has recently (somedays ago) tried to persuade my mother to get interned. I was hoping that'd would work, that my aunt could talk her into stopping to drink or getting treatment, but tonight she drinked again. No one in my family can persuade her to get treated, and her problem is getting worse, because she drinks more everyday. She has seen some doctor's that give her medication, but the medication doesnt work on her because she takes the medication and then drinks over it.
Im afraid she will loose her job and her friends. I feel confused, sad and weak because i can't help her, and i know i shouldn't. But... I love my mom, and everytime she has a drink, it tears my heart apart. I'll do anything to help her.
I hope someone can help me... that someone gives me some hints on what I should do...
I am now more lost than ever. Please help me...
This is my first post in this forum. I am 16, my parent's are divorced and i live alone with my mother. I need help helping my mother throw her alcoholism.
Since i was a child, my father was an alcoholic. He'd come home almost everynight drunk, and fight with my My mom and dad fought almost every night since i was 5 and until i turned 15. It was very hard to go throught this situation and i had all kind of problems outside home because of his alcoholism. I felt alone, umpretected, sometimes i felt invalid. I fighted with my friend's and classmates all the time over nothing, i was a reactive and defensive kid all my life. Luckyly i was strong enought to get through that, so that now im calmer. I have lots of friends who i love and know i can trust that help me through the less good days.
Some months (october) my parent's had a divorce and my father went to live in france, and that's when things started getting bad for my mum. She claimed to love my dad a lot, that it was very hard to live withouth him even thought he was the biggest idiot ive known in my life.
That's when my mom started drinking. Ever since then she drinks almost every night, but she never assume's it. She hides her drinks around the house and when something barely bad happens at work or in the family (for example, my sister getting sick) she drinks a bit more. I brought this to my mom's side family attention by the phone, because they live in a city far away, wich makes me feel more alone. She obviously needs to get treatment, but she wont accept to get interned in any way (I don't know why.. maybe she's afraid her colleagues at work will get to know and make fun of her. My mom is a very insecure person). When i ask her to get interned, she tells me she doesnt need to, that she can handle the problem by herself, wich is stupid. I try not to fight her, and to stand at her side all the time, but i also tell her that she is being stupid when needed.
My aunt is a former alcoholic who got over it with treatment and has recently (somedays ago) tried to persuade my mother to get interned. I was hoping that'd would work, that my aunt could talk her into stopping to drink or getting treatment, but tonight she drinked again. No one in my family can persuade her to get treated, and her problem is getting worse, because she drinks more everyday. She has seen some doctor's that give her medication, but the medication doesnt work on her because she takes the medication and then drinks over it.
Im afraid she will loose her job and her friends. I feel confused, sad and weak because i can't help her, and i know i shouldn't. But... I love my mom, and everytime she has a drink, it tears my heart apart. I'll do anything to help her.
I hope someone can help me... that someone gives me some hints on what I should do...
I am now more lost than ever. Please help me...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
welcome luckyseven7
It breaks my heart you have to go through this at 16. It's terrible at any age, but this is a time you should, ideally, be enjoying. I'm glad to hear that you have good friends who are there to support you.
There are quite a few posters here close to you in age with a parent whose drinking bothers them. I'm sure they'll be along to share with you.
In the meantime, I can only suggest that you look into what help you may be able to get for yourself. Al-Anon, therapy, etc. Talk to your aunt.
(((lucky))) Hang in there and keep coming back. You are not alone in this.
It breaks my heart you have to go through this at 16. It's terrible at any age, but this is a time you should, ideally, be enjoying. I'm glad to hear that you have good friends who are there to support you.
There are quite a few posters here close to you in age with a parent whose drinking bothers them. I'm sure they'll be along to share with you.
In the meantime, I can only suggest that you look into what help you may be able to get for yourself. Al-Anon, therapy, etc. Talk to your aunt.
(((lucky))) Hang in there and keep coming back. You are not alone in this.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
oh lucky you are so young to have to go through this, i am a recovering addict and what you have just done by reaching out for help has helped me in more ways than you'll ever know.
maybe you can ask your aunt to help you find a way to help you find help for yourself, your mom will stop when she is ready. i am sure that she don't mean to hurt you, the drink may just be overpowering her ability to make more productive decisions, i am so glad to hear that you have friends and a computer, until you can find a way, please keep coming back here, talking about what bothers you and reading everything that you can read.
you may not be able to do too much to convince your mom that she needs help but as you began to find help for yourself so that you won't be affected as much,we'll pray that it will take on a domino effect, that she'll see that you are going to meetings if you can,then maybe that will draw interest
maybe you can ask your aunt to help you find a way to help you find help for yourself, your mom will stop when she is ready. i am sure that she don't mean to hurt you, the drink may just be overpowering her ability to make more productive decisions, i am so glad to hear that you have friends and a computer, until you can find a way, please keep coming back here, talking about what bothers you and reading everything that you can read.
you may not be able to do too much to convince your mom that she needs help but as you began to find help for yourself so that you won't be affected as much,we'll pray that it will take on a domino effect, that she'll see that you are going to meetings if you can,then maybe that will draw interest
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR Lucky.... Im soooo sorry your hurting.
Unfortunally your Mom will only stop drinking when she gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is nothing you can do to help her at this point, it sounds like you have tried everything.
Definately get together with your Aunt, she will probably be able to help you out alot with understanding all this. It would not hurt to try Al-teen as well, it helps when you dont feel alone in facing this issue.
I look forward to getting to know you, Please keep coming back and post often... it helps to get it out.
Unfortunally your Mom will only stop drinking when she gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. There is nothing you can do to help her at this point, it sounds like you have tried everything.
Definately get together with your Aunt, she will probably be able to help you out alot with understanding all this. It would not hurt to try Al-teen as well, it helps when you dont feel alone in facing this issue.
I look forward to getting to know you, Please keep coming back and post often... it helps to get it out.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
Welcome Lucky. I am sorry that you are going through this right now. PLease check out Soberteensonline.com. IT is a place with other teens that will understand. I am 20 and my dad is an alcoholic but I don't understand your situation but others will. PLease check it out.
LOve,
Shana PM if you need something
LOve,
Shana PM if you need something
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Sweetie, I think the best way to help your mom is to learn as much about alcoholism as you can. The best way to do that, besides being a member of SR, is to join Alateen. I'm sure there's a group in your area. And I'll bet your Aunt would be happy to take you to meetings.
There you'll meet other kids your own age who are struggling with the same issues you are, and together you can find a solution to your problem. Another thing you can do is to talk to your school counselor. He or she may be able to hook you up with individual counseling or even family counseling.
Your mother won't stop drinking until she's read to do so. Alateen will help you avoid learning behaviors that might enable her to continue to drink.
Best of luck to you and your mom.
There you'll meet other kids your own age who are struggling with the same issues you are, and together you can find a solution to your problem. Another thing you can do is to talk to your school counselor. He or she may be able to hook you up with individual counseling or even family counseling.
Your mother won't stop drinking until she's read to do so. Alateen will help you avoid learning behaviors that might enable her to continue to drink.
Best of luck to you and your mom.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
hi again lucky
from your post and location, i am thinking you are from portugal. if that is so, here is the link:
http://www.al.anonport.nom.br/grupos-portugal.php
if i'm wrong, my apologies.
from your post and location, i am thinking you are from portugal. if that is so, here is the link:
http://www.al.anonport.nom.br/grupos-portugal.php
if i'm wrong, my apologies.
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