distraughtmom

Again with my daughter.. or at least I think so.

Last week I got a $1500 bill from a national store on my credit card which I hadn't used in ages. If I had been home, I would have instantly suspected her, but we're snowbirds, gone and she hasn't had access to our home for a couple years after I accused her of forging a check (another story)

Yesterday I get an email from the son in law, who shes had domestic violence with and with whom she had ran away from, taking the kids with her about 300 miles Now he tells me that to expect a large bill as he watched her use my credit card, laughing telling the kids we'll screw Grandma like she did us, when she didn't help us when we needed it.

Okay everyone, I'm sitting her with the credit card companies fraud report in front of me and I have to "honestly" fill it out, charges are now over $2000. Do I mention the email or do I feel that he is on drugs or drinking now and maybe this is vindictive on his part.

Right now I'm telling them that both of them previously had access to my home, but I will not point fingers at either and unless they can show me positive proof I will not prosecute. But if it is shown positively that one or the other or both did it, I will file charges.
Too harsh or should I just let the company take the loss. I'm torn as I may lose my grandkids forever Any suggestions are welcome, I keep rewriting this form.

Help

Gabe

for you to say that you are "unaware of who made these charges on your credit card". It sounds like you have suspicions, but not concrete proof. In all honesty, I would have a hard time prosecuting my kid for something, even if I thought they were guilty and deserved it. Especially if there were grandkids involved. This is all just my opinion, you have to do what your heart tells you is right. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all this. You must be very hurt and frustrated right now.
Peace,
Gabe

Ann

One of the places where the credit card was used, may have a camera and can describe the person using it. I would not hesitate to press charges.

Years ago my son "lost" my cell phone that I had lent him while he was in rehab no less. I was going to report it stolen, but he convinced me that if a drug dealer stole it, they would hurt him, so I didn't. My bill was over $1500 (it took him 3 days to tell me it was gone, and I immediately cancelled but was responsible for those 3 days). So I just paid the $1500.

Today, I wouldn't think of giving him anything of mine that could be sold, and if he ever did anything like that again I would hurt him AND report the theft to the police.

They need to have consequences for their actions. We didn't cause the action and we don't have to endure the consequences.

distraughtmom

But Ann....what about the grandkids, will they ever forgive me???

Ann

Distraughtmom

You are not the offender here, and you have done nothing wrong. The grandkids are probably smarter than you think and will know in their hearts that you are a wonderful person.

The thing is, we are actually helping our children when we hold them accountable for their actions. To do otherwise, is simply enabling. I know because I was Queen Enabler for years.

Perhaps you could give your daughter a choice - repay the money or get busted. That still makes her accountable to you. Or if it is your son-in-law - same deal.

Please don't let them use the children to hold you hostage. It's not fair to you, them or the children. The grandkids may learn a lot of good stuff from Grandma, like what is and isn't acceptable in this world.

Please know that I say this with compassion - I know what you are going through. Do whatever feels right for you, but give it some thought and prayers.