hank

hello, well i have posted once or twice on here before about me and my drinking problems.

now tho im concerned about my dad. he has been an alcoholic ever since i can remember..and i have memories of him drunk when i was youg...however he did manage to quit drink for 10 years which is a huge achievement for him...but unfortuntly it seems he has started drinking again.

it makes me sad, because altho i have very little contact with him cos he and my mum sepereated when i was little, he is still my dad. i suffer from social anxiety so i feel very uncomfortable speaking to him so i feel helpless and i dont like seeing him slide again.

i dont know the extent of his drinking but he has called my mum my bro and me other day when he was drunk so it was 3 days on the trot then. i have also noticed that he keeps saying he has a cold everytime i see him, now he may be telling the truth but im skeptical...is this something an alcoholic is likely to say.

my dads alcoholism in a way fueled mine, i have has social anxiety for many years and didnt know what was wrong with me, so i came to the conclusion that i was an alcoholic. i have rececntly realised that i am not and i am now trying my hardest to tackle my social anxiety becasue i know that if i beat that i wont feel the need to get so drunk when i go out.

im not sure why i have posted this, i just wanted to vent i suppose, itd be nice to hear what you lot think about the situation, and wether anyone is in a similar sitaution themselfs.thanks for reading..hank

denny57

hi hank

i'm not in a similar situation, but i wanted to say i hear you and you should always feel free to vent about what's going on. i hear your concern about your dad's drinking, but what about yours? what has happened to make you realize you don't have a problem? what are you doing to take care of your social anxiety? IMO it's important you focus on your own recovery right now before worrying about what you can do for your dad. as you probably have realized by now, he needs to tackle that himself, first. it doesn't appear from your post that he thinks he has a problem.

i'm sure others will be along with some insight. take care of yourself and keep posting - let us know what you are doing for YOU.

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Zoey

Hi Hank, glad you checked in. Might I asked if you went to AA?? I think it is the greatest group that helps with everything. Myself I felt AA even helped with my anxiety.
Another thing, I get coffee and tea nerves, so learned I need to watch the intake.
We cannot help any alcoholic, even our loved families, so have you attended Al-Anon meetings, that would be good, help you understand and another place that might help anxiety.
Keep coming back, read everything you can .

hank

thanks for the replies, its nice when people show they care. to answer your first question denny about how i realised i dont have a problem...well im not too sure it just hit me like a brick wall one day...i was thinking back to a night when i got far to drunk and the feelings i went through...i remember sitting drinking at a table gulping down my drink....and then i raelised at that point in time a drink was last thing i wanted...i would much rather have been home alone..but because i was out drinking seems like the only cure for my anxiety...and it does do the trick..once i have had a few im fine..but this just reinforces the drinking and i fell into the trap of using alcohol as a crutch...once i realised this tho i have been able to go out and tell myself...NO!! i dont want another drink and i have had some really good times...i still wanna cut down a lot and at the moment it seems the better my axiety gets the less i want to drink....infact i dont really like the getting pissed lifestyle anymore...id much rather go for a nice meal and have a glass of wine and go home. its amazing how much more confident i feel since realising such a simple thing..i no longer feel guilty when i drink and as a result no longer feel the urge to drink these feelings away..and the more i go out the more i can tell myself no.

clancy: no i havent been to AA but i have spent alot of time at an anxiety web site which has really helped my problem through talking to people in similar situations..i am also going to try and go along to an anxiety meeting and meet some of the people.

is it common for people close to alcoholics to have anxiety?

Cynay

Hey there Hank

I dont know if its common ... but when I was with my alcoholic I did have anxiety.

Alot of it was my co-dependance though.

denny57

I also got anxious the last couple years, probably also as a result of the codependency. It sounds like you're really doing some positive work on yourself about the anxiety. Are you doing it all yourself? Have you considered counseling?

I wish you all the best. Please keep coming back.

hank

thanks cynay and denny,
yes i do it all myself denny...i havent considered counceling because it seems like such a difficult thing to do...little by litlle i am getting better and hopefully one day things like that will seem easy.

what form of anxiety did you have? how did it effect you?

denny57

I had what I think would be termed low level anxiety. The last 2 years I was living with my AH, I just had an anxious feeling most of the time - that he would do something harmful, either to himself or someone else; that our business and finances would suffer; every time he picked up a drink my stomach would churn, etc. The biggest effect I think was I got angry. Not just with him, but everyone - friends, family, strangers, you name it! I realize now it was mostly due to my inability to control or cure him or the situation.

It was not easy for me to walk into therapy, but now that I'm there it's been great. I hope you can get there someday, too, if it's right for you, because it's done wonders for me.

Keep coming back!