StandingStrong

Well, Ah got a DUI last month (I think it was on the 19th). Part of what he got at his court hearing was that he will have to spend a weekend in a rehab-type program. However, they couldn't get him into that until the 15th of July. So, in the meantime, he is supposed to attend AA meetings once a week.
Well, it's now been 4 weeks and Ah has not attended a single meeting.
During the past few weeks, I have only brought the subject up two times. The first time I asked him about it - he told me that he was looking at a paper with the dates and times on it. About two weeks later, I asked if he'd attended any meetings yet, he replied "no" and then I changed the subject.

I was thinking today about how in the past when AH and I were together, I would have taken over. I'd have asked him about it, reminded him of it, took over the responsibility and made sure he went, and probably even driven him there myself.
Interesting enough, other than mentioning it those two times - I have not spoken about it to him. I have not given him warnings of what would happen if he doesn't go - I have not asked repeatedly about it - I have not offered him a ride - I have not done anything. It is not mine to own or be responsible for! I get that now!
It blows my mind in some ways that he's blowing this off - and yet at the same time it really does not surprise me. For the county we live in, I can't imagine that he'll get too much out of it if he doesn't attend - but really, it's hard to tell. Only time will tell I suppose.
The point is - I am breathing so much easier today than I would have been doing a few years ago if this would have happened then. I finally get it, it's his responsibility and this is his to own, not mine. And it feels good to not have that added pressure, worry, and chaos.

best

There was a day in my area that a DUI, they didn't do much and many times they just said..get right home or else.
All it took was a cop's kid being let go one night and hitting a telephone pole.
Seems that after that, they started to tighten up on things.
Over night the attitude of the law can change. He is pressing his luck big time.

and Good for you in how you are handling things. Great job. His issue, his to deal with.

LaTeeDa

Good for you, SS. What a relief it is when you finally let go of them and all their stuff, huh?

L

best

Your signiture line, as found with Google.

Found on a tribute page for the Wall and vets from Nam
http://www.vietvet.org/rmwalang.htm

StandingStrong

Thanks Best, I've had a few PM's in regards to my signature line as well. One of them also referred to the link that you did. Though I don't recall where I read it, I know that it was found on a type of addiction-related site and it spoke volumes to me as I believe it is so true in my case/ the codependant part of me.

meli2005

Yes, what a relief to let go of all the extra baggage and things we think we must control. I hope in time, he does decide to go to AA.

dollydo

SS,

You are doing wonderful! To be in control of ourselves is the key to happiness.

Have a grand day,

Dolly

sherah35

SS, I am so impressed with your courage, and forthrightfulness. My A partner has had 7, and hasnt learned his lesson yet. He attends AA meetings occassionally, but somehow is still able to hit happy hour by the time they let out. He told me 4 days ago, that he was ready to try to quit again, yesterday he told me his goal is not have more than 4! I swear, he just doesnt realize that if he could stop at 4, he wouldnt be an alcoholic! I am pretty new, are you and your AH still together? living? How do you do it?
my thoughts are with you..............s.

sherah35

is "forthrightfulness" a word?

Janitw

SS - good job with not controlling the situation as we are so always want to do for them. I'm proud of you....

Janet

Pick-a-name

SS-------thanks for sharing "what recovery looks like" with me. It is very helpful to me because when I can "see" it, I can learn to do things a different way myself...and I am! yea!! Glad you can leave the problem with him, since he is the only one who can do anything about it.

OT__Best: Thanks for the link. I found the picture of the guardian angel mesmerizing. Though I have never (yet) been to Washington D.C.,so I haven't seen the actual VietNam Memorial, I did see the traveling exhibit....several times. I was even able to find out information about the 2 POW/MIA men whose names I wore on my bracelets for years (in fact the one broke in two when I took it out to bring with me so I could find his name). Very moving and spiritual visit.

best

When in DC I wouldn't go near the wall. Wasn't my place I felt. I feel it was for family and those who served. I only looked from a distance. Just today in my ride around town, I find that the traveling wall is in my old neighborhood. I went for a visit and found a name. The traveling wall is nice in thought. DC's wall took my breath away even from a distance. Guess I get a feeling that if I get to close, I would be in the way of the angel that touches each life that visits the wall. Truly is a moving experience.

Pick-a-name

OT--Best

I think one of "my" guys from near your territory...Lowell, MA.


About the "Big" wall..I understand what you are saying. I feel that way when there is some WWII stuff around, esp. when my dad or uncle (twins!) are around.....vets who were in the Battle of the Bulge. (Dad spent a day at the memorial for it in Europe last year to visit a buddy's grave.)