Oh My Effing God!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Oh My Effing God!
My AH went to his doctor yesterday. He got home from work late last night so I just got the scoop from him this morning.
AH finally got up the courage to tell his doctor (of nine years) that he's been hiding his drinking problem from him all this time. He told him that he has been unable to quit despite his efforts and needed help. The doctor asked him how much he was drinking and when my AH told him, the doctor said that by AH's definition the doctor would be considered an alcoholic. (After all, who doesn't knock back a few at the end of a stressful day?) AH asked about the fact that he drinks 'till he passes out and the doctor responded with, well that happens sometimes. Doctor will perscribe viagra etc... but won't even consider giving AH antabuse or naltrexone. Jeez, it's not like he was asking for narcotics.
Oh, and you'll love this, AH brought a copy of "Beyond the Influence" with him to the appointment and the doctor called it "snake oil."
We are leaving to go on our 6 week Hawaiian vacation... AH's chance to focus on getting healthy, away from the stress of his business. And now, after waiting a month to get in to see his ****ing doctor, AH doesn't have any medical help in place. AH had all his blood work done at a previous visit and this was the follow up so the doctor would have had all the information he needed. What are the chances of getting any help now, with a week to go before our trip? And from what information I've gathered so far, alcoholism resources are extremely limited on Maui.
What I have to be grateful for... at least AH doesn't agree with his doctor... AH could have decided the doctor was right and he doesn't have a drinking problem. I guess one good thing has come out of his failed attempts at sobriety... there is no question in his mind about the fact that he is an alcoholic or about how serious a problem it is. And I figured out how to use the cute little icons.
AH finally got up the courage to tell his doctor (of nine years) that he's been hiding his drinking problem from him all this time. He told him that he has been unable to quit despite his efforts and needed help. The doctor asked him how much he was drinking and when my AH told him, the doctor said that by AH's definition the doctor would be considered an alcoholic. (After all, who doesn't knock back a few at the end of a stressful day?) AH asked about the fact that he drinks 'till he passes out and the doctor responded with, well that happens sometimes. Doctor will perscribe viagra etc... but won't even consider giving AH antabuse or naltrexone. Jeez, it's not like he was asking for narcotics.
Oh, and you'll love this, AH brought a copy of "Beyond the Influence" with him to the appointment and the doctor called it "snake oil."
We are leaving to go on our 6 week Hawaiian vacation... AH's chance to focus on getting healthy, away from the stress of his business. And now, after waiting a month to get in to see his ****ing doctor, AH doesn't have any medical help in place. AH had all his blood work done at a previous visit and this was the follow up so the doctor would have had all the information he needed. What are the chances of getting any help now, with a week to go before our trip? And from what information I've gathered so far, alcoholism resources are extremely limited on Maui.
What I have to be grateful for... at least AH doesn't agree with his doctor... AH could have decided the doctor was right and he doesn't have a drinking problem. I guess one good thing has come out of his failed attempts at sobriety... there is no question in his mind about the fact that he is an alcoholic or about how serious a problem it is. And I figured out how to use the cute little icons.
Holding The Father's Hand
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Oregon
Posts: 96
Here is a link to A.A. meetings in Maui
http://www.aamaui.org/maui.html
I don't know what side of the island you are staying on, but if you need help knowing if the meetings are near where you are staying, let me know. I lived on Maui for awhile.
Also, here is the local A.A. hotline for Maui 808.244.9673
http://www.aamaui.org/maui.html
I don't know what side of the island you are staying on, but if you need help knowing if the meetings are near where you are staying, let me know. I lived on Maui for awhile.
Also, here is the local A.A. hotline for Maui 808.244.9673
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
It's great to see you identifying things to be grateful for. I can't believe the answer your h got. Clearly the dr IS an alcoholic. I've heard that it's a club that doesn't ever want to lose members and your h is threatening the club.
I'm so happy to hear that your husband is thinking clearly enough to admit his problem. I'm sure with this attitude, together you'll find a solution. Will you have internet service in Maui? He can always log on here now that he's accepting his problem as a problem.
I'm so happy to hear that your husband is thinking clearly enough to admit his problem. I'm sure with this attitude, together you'll find a solution. Will you have internet service in Maui? He can always log on here now that he's accepting his problem as a problem.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I don't believe a word of his reported conversation with the doctor. It was also no suprise to the doctor that our husband drinks. Just because your husband reports this was what was said, doesn't make it true. In over 20 years as an RN, I have never heard a doctor respond this way. It always amazes me that when an alcoholic confesses, they think this is news to an educated physician. It's actually pretty insulting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Good news.
I called the A.A. hotline in Maui and they were able to put me in touch with a doctor who specializes in alcoholism. We already have an appointment set up.
I know, he should be making his own appointments but right now he's got a phone in each ear and people waiting three deep in his office to talk to him. It's that way a lot of the time but especially now because he'll be out of the office soon.
As for whether or not he's lying about his doctor, it's possible he could have made up the entire story, for all I know he could be lying about going to meetings and everything else but it wouldn't serve any purpose for me to assume that.
I called the A.A. hotline in Maui and they were able to put me in touch with a doctor who specializes in alcoholism. We already have an appointment set up.
I know, he should be making his own appointments but right now he's got a phone in each ear and people waiting three deep in his office to talk to him. It's that way a lot of the time but especially now because he'll be out of the office soon.
As for whether or not he's lying about his doctor, it's possible he could have made up the entire story, for all I know he could be lying about going to meetings and everything else but it wouldn't serve any purpose for me to assume that.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Gypsy, regardless of the idea of the possibility of your AH having lied about the conversation with his DR and that you are making the appointments - I believe at this point that we can only hope that the specialist you have set up in Maui will be beneficial to your AH.
I send you my thoughts. And hope you have a wonderful trip.
I send you my thoughts. And hope you have a wonderful trip.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Don't jump to conclusions that it isn't true. D had a dreadful response from his doc when he first went for help but in the end it got sorted - basically he was told at first to 'go out and live a little'!!
Why do I believe him? D asked me to go with him the next time AND covered the same conversation while I was there!!
I went and found the quote from my post from around this time last year. It does happen. In this case because the doc was blindsided by the depression which appeared to have dramatically improved after AD's - unfortunately the up mood didn't stop at healthy!
Why do I believe him? D asked me to go with him the next time AND covered the same conversation while I was there!!
I went and found the quote from my post from around this time last year. It does happen. In this case because the doc was blindsided by the depression which appeared to have dramatically improved after AD's - unfortunately the up mood didn't stop at healthy!
Originally Posted by equus
What can you do with anger? I'm boiling, beyond boiling!!
D had his Dr's appointment this morning to check what was happening with the AD's. They've been great but one thing that's worried us both is that his appetite for booze has gone up on them - it was the only ruddy thing he wanted to check out with the doc! But apparently 63 units a week is fine for someone who was pissed for 10 years!! After all you have to live a little....
His doc HADN'T read his notes he had to ask D what the problem had been
before. D was on his own but it was D who suggested asking the doc and as soon as he came out to tell me he also asked if I would go with him next time so it isn't him twisting it. Also he quoted the doc and it did sound like him. The doctor felt that as he was on holiday last week 3 pints a night wasn't a concern - that's 63 units a week! THREE TIMES the suggested healthy limit!
Perhaps the doc drinks 6 pints a night himself - perhaps he thinks three pints is amazingly low!! Maybe he's still stuck in the belief that to be an alcoholic you have to be out your face or t-total - therefore, hey it must have been a mistake years ago putting malnutrition down to his drinking (OOOOPS - here's me thinking he could have read his notes!). On the upside he did tell D to watch it didn't become a habit again!!
So this is the doc D gets on with - the one he was prepared to talk about his drinking with, the only one who bothered in the first place to try and treat him. The best of our bunch is appears to me to be completely insane.
Right now I need to stop feeling what I'm feeling, I need to detach - would I be wanting to detach if I knew he was getting crap treatment for cancer? I know this is wrong - either way feels wrong, detaching feels wrong, feeling like this is wrong, I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to have to take good care of me, because things could et hard.
It's all down to D now. The pills have made his appetite for booze go up - but the doc has told him he must stay on them for at least six months to halve the chance of relapse into depression. Drink and live a little but just watch it doesn't become a habit again.
One thing is for certain - I've taken D up on going in with him next time, not because I don't believe him but because I do.
D had his Dr's appointment this morning to check what was happening with the AD's. They've been great but one thing that's worried us both is that his appetite for booze has gone up on them - it was the only ruddy thing he wanted to check out with the doc! But apparently 63 units a week is fine for someone who was pissed for 10 years!! After all you have to live a little....
His doc HADN'T read his notes he had to ask D what the problem had been
before. D was on his own but it was D who suggested asking the doc and as soon as he came out to tell me he also asked if I would go with him next time so it isn't him twisting it. Also he quoted the doc and it did sound like him. The doctor felt that as he was on holiday last week 3 pints a night wasn't a concern - that's 63 units a week! THREE TIMES the suggested healthy limit!
Perhaps the doc drinks 6 pints a night himself - perhaps he thinks three pints is amazingly low!! Maybe he's still stuck in the belief that to be an alcoholic you have to be out your face or t-total - therefore, hey it must have been a mistake years ago putting malnutrition down to his drinking (OOOOPS - here's me thinking he could have read his notes!). On the upside he did tell D to watch it didn't become a habit again!!
So this is the doc D gets on with - the one he was prepared to talk about his drinking with, the only one who bothered in the first place to try and treat him. The best of our bunch is appears to me to be completely insane.
Right now I need to stop feeling what I'm feeling, I need to detach - would I be wanting to detach if I knew he was getting crap treatment for cancer? I know this is wrong - either way feels wrong, detaching feels wrong, feeling like this is wrong, I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to have to take good care of me, because things could et hard.
It's all down to D now. The pills have made his appetite for booze go up - but the doc has told him he must stay on them for at least six months to halve the chance of relapse into depression. Drink and live a little but just watch it doesn't become a habit again.
One thing is for certain - I've taken D up on going in with him next time, not because I don't believe him but because I do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I agree that it is not your business to assume he is lying. The thing that came to my mind when I read your post was the time my husband's parents asked him about his drinking and he told them that he usually only drank a "couple" of drinks. I remember shaking my head in disbelief since I knew that those "couple" of drinks were 20 oz. glasses filled 3/4 full with vodka and 1/4 full with juice. The truth can be whatever they want it to be when deep in denial.
Just my thoughts,
L
Just my thoughts,
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Thanks Everyone,
I've been an emotional basket case to begin with recently and guess I was really counting on AH talking to his doctor being a step forward... something to help me feel more hopeful about the trip going well... so this has been especially crazy making.
Thank (diety of your choice) for al-anon meetings in Maui. I'm promising myself that I will make good use of them while I'm there.
I've been an emotional basket case to begin with recently and guess I was really counting on AH talking to his doctor being a step forward... something to help me feel more hopeful about the trip going well... so this has been especially crazy making.
Thank (diety of your choice) for al-anon meetings in Maui. I'm promising myself that I will make good use of them while I'm there.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
gypsy, does he drink less in Maui, or just as much ,or more as not working???? If more relaxed he may drink less, that might be a hint he might like to quit???? I have no idea, just thought I might take that into consideration. Is he looking forward to see the Dr. in Maui??
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Gypsy everything you reported AH said that his Dr said could all be entirely TRUE!!!
There are more MDs, many more that do not know a DAMN THING about alcoholism than those that do.
I have spoken with several of our interns here (they will all have their own practices come July 1.) Everyone of them said the same thing (no matter which medical school they went to) that they were lucky if they got 15 minutes of education on alcoholism and drug addiction, during their medical school.
I also believe that a lot of those that have been in practice for years, don't want to know more about alcoholism and drug addiction as it might just hit a "wee bit close to home."
Its good that you have made the appointment with the specialist. I hope you and yours have a FANTASTIC vacation in Hawaaii!!!!!!!
Love and (((((to all))))),
There are more MDs, many more that do not know a DAMN THING about alcoholism than those that do.
I have spoken with several of our interns here (they will all have their own practices come July 1.) Everyone of them said the same thing (no matter which medical school they went to) that they were lucky if they got 15 minutes of education on alcoholism and drug addiction, during their medical school.
I also believe that a lot of those that have been in practice for years, don't want to know more about alcoholism and drug addiction as it might just hit a "wee bit close to home."
Its good that you have made the appointment with the specialist. I hope you and yours have a FANTASTIC vacation in Hawaaii!!!!!!!
Love and (((((to all))))),
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by mallowcup
I don't believe a word of his reported conversation with the doctor. It was also no suprise to the doctor that our husband drinks. Just because your husband reports this was what was said, doesn't make it true. In over 20 years as an RN, I have never heard a doctor respond this way. It always amazes me that when an alcoholic confesses, they think this is news to an educated physician. It's actually pretty insulting.
I have heard variations of the docotr's supposed conversation from doctors.......several of them . One such doctor is my AH's father and another was his grandfather. All alcoholics.........but not "bad alcoholics" as they like say. They have talked my AH out of doing anything about his drinking for years. If he has a problem,then that would mean they do,too. Their family just likes to drink alot. I probably am the problem because their family members didn't have a problem with their drinking putting them to bed every night and making sure they made it home. They seemed shocked that I didn't think that was a natural thing to be expected of a wife...
Let us not forget Dr. Bob (Smith).
Glad your husband sees the truth of his situation...perhaps one day his doctor will.
Fortunately, my own doctor is knowledgable because of having alcoholics in his family (although now that he has said something to AH he found a new doctor) and another doctor in the practice is an AlAnon member (I assume) whose own M.D. husband is an A in recovery for 19 yrs (she evidently nearly left him before he got sober). Lots of active A's in the medical field....they just can often cover it with a better facade. (sometimes pills,too or IV--my FIL has had trouble with both..in fact, it has just become an issue again..
)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by laurie6781
Everyone of them said the same thing (no matter which medical school they went to) that they were lucky if they got 15 minutes of education on alcoholism and drug addiction, during their medical school.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
More good news. AH agrees that seeing the doctor in Maui seems like the best option at this point. He does drink less in Maui so with some determination and medical support this may be his chance to get some sober time under his belt. At least there's hope that he's headed in the right direction.
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
Hi Gypsyrose, I would try to find a new doc. like someone said their skillis are limited in the treatment of alcoholism and many have their own demons with alcohol. My H's old doc. told him it was normal to drink around a 6 pack a night. We changed practices for other reasons as well. Please understand, I was offended by your heading Ffing God, to me it might as well been MY ******* God, just a pet peeve of mine. I am not a religious nut not but the Lord has been my rock. It sounds like your H is on the way up and your vaction sounds fabulous. 6 weeks- Please, I am jealous. Have fun and I wish u both a safe and health vaction.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: novato, ca
Posts: 181
Reader (and anyone else offended by the "Effing" thing) sorry about that. I'd been a card carrying born again athiest for so long, I still forget what "God" means to some people. Personally, I preffer Ra, being the sun worshipper that I am. But at least I no longer feel the need to convert others to my way of thinking.
Thank you for reminding me of other's feelings on that one. I was so shocked about what I'd heard that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I'm usually a little more thoughtful. Once again, sorry about that.
Thank you for reminding me of other's feelings on that one. I was so shocked about what I'd heard that I wasn't thinking about anything else. I'm usually a little more thoughtful. Once again, sorry about that.
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