jackson123

My boyfriend has embarrassed himself so many times in public that everyone seems to pitty me instead oh him.
The first thing people ask me are "How are you and **** doing". My sister begs me to kick him out. She wants me to believe that I am so much better than him. But I guess she is hurt also by the things he has said and done to me.
It's gotten so bad that I refuse to go anywhere in public with him. I won't even visit his parents on Sundays for dinner. Over the past year every single time we visited his parents he was passed out in my car (head smashed against the window slobbering) by the time we got home.
After a year of this I wouldn't even wake him up to come in the house. I would just leave him there in the car. Not even because I was mad. I just wanted to be without HIM in the house.

amyrosebud

I'm not sure of a good answer for you. For me, he's become beligerant and loud in public. I have had to drive him home so many times his brothers house, parties, etc. because he wasnt capable of driving. He's even been banned from auto races with his brother because of his behavior at a race and he just thinks thats funny. I think he just has to hit rock bottom before he gets it, if he ever does. My suggestion to you is just don't take him out and really think about what you're getting out of this relationship. I deserve better and so do you. I think that's what your sister is trying to relay to you and she is probably being protective of you. No one wants to see their loved one hurt. My parents, friends and co-workers are relieved that I am moving out of our apartment in 9 days to my own home. I have to say that I am too. If you truly want to be without him in the house, I really think that may be your answer. It's become mine.

Jazzman

My ex passed out in the car in the driveway and I just left her there. And wouldn'tcha know, right then the biggest nosiest gossip in the neighborhood walked by. It was killing her to NOT let me know she noticed M passed out in the car. I just messed w/ her head as she was making stupid small talk occasionally glancing over my shoulder at M.

Ya know Jackson.... it's nobodys business but yours. It's up to you to decide when you've had enough.

Cynay

Hey there Jackson...

Another thing you could do is set a boundry that you can live with. One like, If we go out and you drink to oblivian when I see this happening I will leave and you will have to find your own way home.

This could serve two purposes One that you are not responsibile for him and leave before everyone sees you carrying him out and Two it just might get his attention when his family and friends get tired of his being passed out in their home or taking him home. The only problem with boundries is you have to stick to them.

I would have to ask too... what are you getting out of this relationship that makes you want to stay?

StandingStrong

Ya know, there was a time that I really was embarrassed by Ah's actions. There was a time that I was embarrassed of myself for how people must have veiwed me - my actions - and my putting up with AH's behavior.
Now.......I have come to realize that AH's actions do not reflect on me. They are his to own. Not mine.

The question that I have to ask myself, which I learned from this board is: Am I willing to accept him as he is today?
I am not willing to accept him as he is today - but I also was not willing to accept myself as I was either. I cannot change him - but I can change myself and my life. And that is where I am now - on my journey to recovery.

You can have a life with him - you can have a life without him. You just need to figure out what you want out of YOUR own life. Are you happy? Are you willing to accept your AH the way he is, right now today? What is it that YOU want out of YOUR life? You have to start somewhere - and it starts with YOU.