elizabeth1979

This is an incredibly sad situation Teke. I for one, am certainly not trying to say that its acceptable for the children. I dont know if you are overreacting, I dont know the situation first hand.
All I know, is chaos is never solved with more chaos.
Please have a plan..think it through, and dont make a rash decision when children are involved.

ASpouse

Amen to that!

teke

I did not mean that i could not take the kids into my home, what i said or meant to say was that i had a hard time doing that cause she does not come back when she says that she will. this is not unusual. but for her to have the kids hanging out in a well known drug spot is. she usually would leave them with a family member or her husband if she decided that she wanted to hang out for what ever reason.

this time it is different, my son knows the area and has seen her there before, he works for the city, and my #1 daughter agrees with me that her eyes don't look right and she sounds so irational. now i don't keep kids just for the purpose of partying and running the street for any of them, only for work unless I want to, but to have the kids in this particular place can be dangerous.

this is a small street circle where all the druggies hang out. more people have gotten killed there in the last few yrs all drug related. this is not a norm for my d, but if this is what she wants to do with her life, thats her, i want to protect the kids the best i can. if i have to keep them for awhile then i'll just have to make an exception.

the kid are the one who innocently suffer, i raised my step son from age 3 basically without the help of his addict dad, alone with my 6 kids. now he is 23 and off to college and doing just fine.

ASpouse

Well then, go get the kids and let your daughter do what she is going to do.

pmaslan

OK did I miss something somewhere? Why can't her H take control of
the kids situation....I'm lost to the reason why he isn't.

StandingStrong

This was my first thought as well. Regardless if they are having marital issues or not - if he is not doing anything that is endangering their lives and wishes to be an active parent, then I believe that he'd have already gotten a lawyer and would be involved in the system to get those kids back to the safety of their home.
On top of that, I believe that if he wanted custody of them, he'd have a better chance of getting that than any other family member.

Hmmm..............

teke

first of all, he will i know and has been all along in the past, he has to work and leaves for work very early morning and normally she cares for the kids. like i said, this is kind of sudden as we know, i think that he finally decided to tell us what has been going on, seems to me, out of concern. the grand d is not of the marriage, but he has been a dad and she loves him too.

because of what may end up being more chaotic, he decided and i agree that maybe its not a good idea for him to go there. she is a strong willed person and may create trouble for him in that area, but i don't think that she will go to any drastic extremes with me. there is nothing but trouble for anybody in that area. i don't want to take her kids from her at all. i just want to make sure that they are okay and if possible and if i have to, keep the kids together and safe.

i do have a plan and it is too try to get her to let me or her h to let us keep the kids until she decides what she wants to do. now about my d, i can't and don't want to do much interfering with the decisions that she make for herself or my sil. ONLY MY GRAND KIDS

Cynay

That would be my question as well...

Where is the father in all of this? He could legally do something about this.

From what Im understanding you are not going to "take" the kids, you are going to offer to keep them till a future date when she gets her act together right?


Ok... now I read your last response.... and I think I understand where Judy is coming from. I understand that your not trying to contol your daughters behavior, but what I think your doing (just my thoughts) is still enabling. You / her H dont want to get the athorities involved or take legal action ... you just want to take the responsibility off her without a conquence. If it were anybody but your daughter and the children were being neglected would you not call the athorities? Im pretty sure that if the athrorities were called either the father or you would get tempory custody, considering they want the children in a "known" enviroment. If the father has custody and has to work he will have to do what all single parents do... Daycare.... Sounds like he is just making excuses. You could watch the kids during the day for him if you wanted.

Bottom line is that this is his responsibility and you are more then willing to take it on for him. Sounds like no one wants to "rock the boat" with her..... Stuborn or not, if your abusing children the athorities could really care less if your stuborn.... they will do what is in the best interest of the children.

teke

Yes

ASpouse

Thank you Cynay ..... that is exactly right .... why can't I seem to write this stuff down ..... duh!

pmaslan

If you SIL works why doesn't he drop them off on his way to work
and pick them up in the evening....if and when your daughter returns
she can resume....seems like a viable solution to me....

teke

Maybe This Is Not The Place To Discuss This, I Don't Think Yet That The Children Are Neccessarily Being Abused, I Have Them Now And Now I Can Decide What To Do next If Anything.

being that they were rumors and i don't know what to think, i thought that it wouldn't be a good idea if i did not call the authorities first.

Thank You Very Much.

pmaslan

sorry just trying to help

Cynay

Sorry did not mean to offend... Im glad the children are safe and Im sure your feeling better about them being with you.

Pick-a-name

teke....I am confused. Does anyone know where the kids are? I was under the impression that AD took them and no one knows where any of them are.

If your SIL knows where they are and they are hungry,need a ride,etc..........where is their dad? why hasn't someone gotten them? If neither of their parents is or can take care of them, I suggest you or some other responsible family member make sure the kids are safe and fed,etc.......away from their parents. Take care of the kids and figure out plans for them and let their paremts go and they can deal with the consequences. JMHO

If they are in still in school, meet them there and figure this out....perhaps school officials can help.

Good luck. Of course, take care of the kids and see that they are safe and fed. The parents are another story.

Looks like I have this completely mixed up.....forget what I said.

teke

i do see now that like my husband always says, i don't know how to express what i really mean. some where in my post you guys got the story all twisted.

i am not taking the kids
the h, not the father ,did not say that he was not gonna take responsibility for the kids
who cares about rocking my d's boat
why call the authorities before you find out if there is a need
rumors are not nessassarily the truth
can't take responsibility for my d addict if there is one
not trying to interfere with their marriage
before anybody get the courts involved, i think you have to show just cause
can't seem to be able to express what i feel when i really need to so i need to not try so hard.
thank you anyway for trying to help

Pick-a-name

(((teke))) sorry......I am a bit slow on the up-take tonight! haha

Just hope you and the kids are ok and prayers going out for you all.

teke

i. am in great pain and tears right now cause all i want is whats best for the kids. no the husband does not know where she is or the kids,there are rumors of where the kids might be with her, but before now had not been able to catch up to them. their dad is maybe another story, i don't know about him. i don't try to keep up with my kids and what goes on in their lives so i don't know a lot. them being hungry could have very well been rumors too, i don't know, i needed to see the children for myself and i have. i needed to see my d for myself and i finally have.

a plan, huh: my plan was to see the kids or get the kids and make sure that they were okay, and then take the next step. one baby step at a time. one day at a time, i think that somehow, god would help me to know what was the next best thing to do. i think that maybe i should ask god to help me to say what i mean without sounding so confusing.

maybe this is what my h has wanted me to believe all along only thing is, it was so hard for me to take anything that he said personally or too serious because he is in what i think, maybe the latter stages of crack addiction.

now i don't even know if this will make any sense to anybody except me.

teke

pick a name, thank you so much.

as confusing as this may have been, seems like you understood what i was thinking. thank you so much for your encouraging words.

btw the h is not addicted as i know and i only suspect that d is.don't know for sure, only she is acting out of the norm, if this makes sense or a difference.

the h is very good about taking care of the kids as far as we know.

Pick-a-name

(((teke))) glad it helps.

I am so sorry you have all this worry and trouble swirling around you.....all these loved ones.

I think your idea was the best. Pray to be guided and I believe you will be.
I will pray that prayer,too. I will also pray that you feel God's presence and His peace "that passeth all understanding". My wish for you is that you can get some rest and tomorrow brings you a better day and more clarity about your situation.

Sending you a big hug......please know that you are not alone...many,many prayers and good wishes are going out to you, your grandchildren,your daughter,husband SIl,etc

p.s. Evidently I DID follow your description! Tomorrow is a new day;hope it brings you more peace of mind.