Tired Of Praying For A Fool
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
Tired Of Praying For A Fool
That sounds awful- I know. I have prayed for my AH every day for 4 years now- and with no real result.
My AH has been MIA (this time) for 34 hours. I am 8 monthes pregnant and he just takes off to drink- do coke- whatever and won't even answer his phone. What if I went into labor? What if I needed help. I have come to the conclusion (finally) that he doesn't give a damn about me, his stepson(that calls him dad) or our unborn daughter (that is his first child). I am so angry and hurt- he can't possibly love me- what was I thinking getting pregnant by this man?? He was sober for 2 monthes when I got pregnant- and for some stupid reason, I thought he would stay that way. When I hit about 7 monthes- he went to a club to play (he's a musician) and started drinking again. In the 4 weeks or so since- he has went from started drinking to "as bad as it gets"
I feel like such an idiot
ellima01
My AH has been MIA (this time) for 34 hours. I am 8 monthes pregnant and he just takes off to drink- do coke- whatever and won't even answer his phone. What if I went into labor? What if I needed help. I have come to the conclusion (finally) that he doesn't give a damn about me, his stepson(that calls him dad) or our unborn daughter (that is his first child). I am so angry and hurt- he can't possibly love me- what was I thinking getting pregnant by this man?? He was sober for 2 monthes when I got pregnant- and for some stupid reason, I thought he would stay that way. When I hit about 7 monthes- he went to a club to play (he's a musician) and started drinking again. In the 4 weeks or so since- he has went from started drinking to "as bad as it gets"
I feel like such an idiot
ellima01
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ahhh sweetie.
I know its hard and your hurting, but holding on to feelings like that is not good for you or the baby... whats done is done... time to take the focus off him and put it back on you and that wonderful gift your about to receive.
I know its hard and your hurting, but holding on to feelings like that is not good for you or the baby... whats done is done... time to take the focus off him and put it back on you and that wonderful gift your about to receive.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 261
I pray too and now I do the sereinty prayer 100 times a day. Gods answer may not be ours or what we are looking for. We need to wait. You have your children and one on the way. I'm sure there is a plan for you. Have faith and dont give that up. Do the Al-anon if you can get out. it really works and keep coming back.
I've been praying daily for 4 years now too. I touch him in the night and pray some more. Get comfort from that and just believe, believe, and believe. Someday you will know why. xo
Karen
I've been praying daily for 4 years now too. I touch him in the night and pray some more. Get comfort from that and just believe, believe, and believe. Someday you will know why. xo
Karen
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 689
Hi ellima,
It sounds like you may have some difficult decisions ahead of you. But in the meantime, can you begin putting into place some other systems if your husband continues to let you down.
Do you have anyone else you're close to who you can ask to attend at your birth as support? It may feel a lot better knowing you've put some options in motion.
gf
It sounds like you may have some difficult decisions ahead of you. But in the meantime, can you begin putting into place some other systems if your husband continues to let you down.
Do you have anyone else you're close to who you can ask to attend at your birth as support? It may feel a lot better knowing you've put some options in motion.
gf
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by ellima01
That sounds awful- I know. I have prayed for my AH every day for 4 years now- and with no real result.
Sometimes the results are not what I had built up in my expectations, so I don't see them staring me in the face. I've learned it's fine to pray for others, but I need to keep the focus on me. Not always easy, but a goal, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
(((eillima)))...........how about some more prayers? this time it is the ones I will say for you and your children (and ah,too)
Imagine you have already done this, but makes some plans for "the big day" that do not involve your ah; just in case. Have some back-up support,transportation,etc for you (and your son) figured out. If you need it, it is settled, if your ah IS there and you don't need to use it, all the better. Sorry this is a consideration....BTDT but it gave me some peace of mind knowing I already had a back-up plan, although sad anyone needs one.
Hope all goes well for you in the labor and delivery.
Imagine you have already done this, but makes some plans for "the big day" that do not involve your ah; just in case. Have some back-up support,transportation,etc for you (and your son) figured out. If you need it, it is settled, if your ah IS there and you don't need to use it, all the better. Sorry this is a consideration....BTDT but it gave me some peace of mind knowing I already had a back-up plan, although sad anyone needs one.
Hope all goes well for you in the labor and delivery.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Ellima.. why are you beating yourself up so bad? There isn't a person here who hasn't loved an addict.
Do you belong to Alanon or Naranon? Now might be a great time to pick up some recovery tools you can use with your husband whether you leave him or whether you stay with him.
Attending meetings is just one more way for YOU to take care of YOU.
I wish you the best ... start gathering up your resources...friends, relatives, those who care about you. Get yourself as surrounded by them as you are by all the fixing's for the new baby. They are just as vital.
I wish you the best.
Do you belong to Alanon or Naranon? Now might be a great time to pick up some recovery tools you can use with your husband whether you leave him or whether you stay with him.
Attending meetings is just one more way for YOU to take care of YOU.
I wish you the best ... start gathering up your resources...friends, relatives, those who care about you. Get yourself as surrounded by them as you are by all the fixing's for the new baby. They are just as vital.
I wish you the best.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((ellima01)))
Be gentle with yourself okay...I know your situation is not easy by a long shot. I just hate it for you.
You need to do what ever you can to stay calm it is not good for mommies who are with child to be upset. Love yourself and love your children. Keep the focus on you and them and not your H.
You are going in the direction of having a baby it really is his loss if he does not particapate in this great joy. You are the fortunate one cause you are clean. It might seem like he is having lots of fun but the price he will eventually pay is not worth it and maybe one day he will know he has made a bad choice.
It matters that you get okay where you are. Do you have any support from friends or family? I hope you do cause I am sure it would make things go smoother. If you don't you can always call an ambulance if it time to have the baby....
Feel better sweetie...
Be gentle with yourself okay...I know your situation is not easy by a long shot. I just hate it for you.
You need to do what ever you can to stay calm it is not good for mommies who are with child to be upset. Love yourself and love your children. Keep the focus on you and them and not your H.
You are going in the direction of having a baby it really is his loss if he does not particapate in this great joy. You are the fortunate one cause you are clean. It might seem like he is having lots of fun but the price he will eventually pay is not worth it and maybe one day he will know he has made a bad choice.
It matters that you get okay where you are. Do you have any support from friends or family? I hope you do cause I am sure it would make things go smoother. If you don't you can always call an ambulance if it time to have the baby....
Feel better sweetie...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
You are not an idiot, you are human. As humans we love, trust and have faith in the ones we love.
You need to start praying for yourself and your new baby, that life will get better with or with out him.
The things they do are unbelievable and it really has nothing to do with us. They know we are home taking care of business and it's no problem for them.
My ex would tell me "I know where I was so don't worry about it" that really made sense.
Good luck to you and take care of yourself and the baby.
You need to start praying for yourself and your new baby, that life will get better with or with out him.
The things they do are unbelievable and it really has nothing to do with us. They know we are home taking care of business and it's no problem for them.
My ex would tell me "I know where I was so don't worry about it" that really made sense.
Good luck to you and take care of yourself and the baby.
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