Anger
 

What in the world do you do with all of this anger? I feel like a time bomb waiting to explode.

How do you channel your anger?

Let it out here hun! You have friends who will listen and support you!:Val004:

Check out the Journaling thread. That's what I did with mine. (That, and therapy.)

L

I'm angry at myself for having all of these emotions that I don't know what to do with them. I'm angry at AH for starting to drink again. I'm angry at him because he said that he never wanted our son to see him drunk. I'm angry at his insanity and my own. I'm angry because I don't know what to do. I'm angry because AH is experimenting with the alcohol. Why would he want to experiment with the alcohol if there is even a risk that we will end up right back in all of the hell that we were in? Why would he want to bring alcohol back into the picture if we were starting to really thrive again?
Why do I feel the way that I do? I'm so angry. I'm so hurt and lost. I don't want to feel this way. I know that if it comes to being the way that it was before (and it feels inevitable that it will) I will leave and take our son with me. I can't deal with this crap day in and day out. I don't want to deal with it anymore.
I keep thinking that I chose him to be the man that I love. How on earth will I stop the cycle of bad relationships? How will I grow strong and not be so afraid.
I have noticed that my self-esteem has dwindled down to nothing. I won't talk to people that I don't know. I hate being around people that I don't know because I'm afraid of what they will think of me. I'm afraid of a lot of things that I never used to be afraid of. I don't want to known as a failure. I don't want to feel like I am a failure. It's going to be a long painful road ahead and I'm not sure how I will handle it. I have so many more feelings inside, but I don't know how to access them and don't know if I really want to. *sigh* I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Hi goaltndrswife,

Have you ever thought about counselling or therapy? Journaling is so very helpful for getting out emotions. For me, I also needed to get out my anger in therapy. Not only at people who hurt me today, but at those who hurt me so long ago. And underneath the anger, was also lots and lots of hurt and pain.

Rage away here in the meantime.

best
gf
(by the way-- you're not just someone's wife, you're an individual!)

Thanks for that! I was thinking of going to one on one counseling. I just need to find someone who will work within our budget.

I feel so bad for you. I just cried and cried when I read your story. It sounds so much like mine. I'm going through the same thing. My husband is Bi-Polar and turned to alcohol for help with this issue. Now he's been sober for 3 weeks and he went out last night and had a "few" beers. I'm panicking because I know that these "few" may be fine, but in a couple of days when he's down he won't be able to stop at the "few". We had it out before he stopped and I locked him out of the house and he agreed to get into therapy, AA Meetings and Church. The meetings are ok, but almost show him that he doesn't have it as bad as they do. He's a binge drinker, not an everyday one. But, he's had 2 DWI's, spent 100's of dollars and our daughter has found him passed out numerous times. We fight about it all the time, or did until 3 weeks ago. I'm thinking of going to an Al-Anon meeting to have them tell me how to handle it. I want to be downstairs yelling that he's going to screw up again, but I know that's wrong. I'm going to take the advise and maybe get a cousler as well. Just wanted you to know your not alone. Thanks for sharing your story. It shows me I'm not alone either.

Welcome dswife

If you want, you can start your own thread and perhaps get more replies

I'm sorry to hear you are going through rough times. If your husband is binge drinking and also attending AA (in the past), then the few beers probably won't be fine. Only you know. But true sobriety does not allow for a few beers.

I have found Al-Anon very helpful in my recovery, as well as one on one counseling. Everything in my life started getting better when I put the focus on me and my recovery.

Good luck to you and hope to see you back often posting.

I find that getting angry helps me do two things. The main thing it does is keep me from melting into a puddle of tears about everything. The other is that it helps me stay strong about keeping my boundaries. But I feel the real satisfaction comes from being, the person I want to be, someone strong enough to be calm and loving when confronted with other people's sickness. Of course, sometimes, it just feels good to get mad and so I give myself permission to do that but with the goal of remembering to be who it is I want to be.

I'm posting to your original question and have not read the follow up. Let it out somewhere and you are only human for feeling anger. There is no sin in it IMO. I'm furious right now and I think it's justified, healthy and human nature.

YOu know what I started doing that really helped? I started helping myself.

For example, somethings I couldn't control....such as, HIS crazy behavior. But some things that I resented, I could. Such as, I resented the fact that I did all the housework. I could be cleaning a way with four kids under foot and him just laying in bed, hungover. I complained a lot about that. I was one person and felt I couldn't get it all done the way I wanted AND have patience with the children....well, enough patience anyway. So, I got a maid to help out. I didn't have enough "away" time and since my leaving them with him and going out during the evenings presented such a problem in his eyes, I got a babysitter a few mornings a week while he was away at work and would go do whatever *I* wanted.....things like that.

So I took the things I could control and did something about it that made me feel better.

you talk about anger and being like a time bomb, been there and still find myself there at times, it helps me to write it down when i finally get tired of the feeling, it helps me to relieve myself.