Jessa

Hi, I've never posted here before, I've never even browzed this site before. I'm 22 yrs old, and I'm very happily engaged to the man of my dreams, and we have a beautiful 7 month old daughter together.

Both my parents are alchoholics. I'm the oldest of 3 girls, and we have been tourchered by their alchoholizm all our lives. My parents were married 20 years, and my dad was very physically abusive to my mom when we were growing up. Now my parents are married to different people, but they're still alchoholics. All my life I was the one in the family who had to fix everything. I had to be the adult for my parents. Luckily, I am not an alchoholic myself, but my sisters are.

What made me so angry tonight is that my dad just called me on Valentines day at midnight. Usually we're in bed by this time, I just happened to still be up. He told me that 2 days ago, his wife flipped out, tried to hit my 18yr old sis, called her a *****, and left. Today came back like everything was cool, then tonight flipped out again, left, and now her brother is at my dad and his wife's house taking all the things they bought together (taking all the stuff for her because she's moving out). I told him that he should probibly call the cops, and get legal help, but he just kept saying that he can't call the cops because she'll make something up and he'll go to jail. I asked him if my sisters are home, and he didn't even know.

I am so angry because I feel like he always comes to me to fix his problems. He never acts like an adult. I do feel sorry for him, but he knew what he was getting into when he married this woman. She has been married 2 other times, abandoned her own children, and takes anti psycotic meds that she's not supposed to drink alchohol with, yet they are at the bar every single night! I told him what I thought he should do, but he won't so what else am I supposed to say! Finally I had to be kindof rude, and just said " I told you what you should do, I can't argue my point any more, I don't know what else to say." He got the point and hung up.

Then I start to feel guilty that I can't do anything else for him, and that I can't get my sisters out of the situation. But it isn't my job!!! I have my own family to take care of now! I feel like it's my role to take care of everyone else in my extended family because I always have. I feel so bad for my sisters. My parents are horrible, irresponsible parents and it makes me so sad. I got through it to adult hood with alot of bumps and bruizes, but I want to spare my sisters the same hardships. I just don't know what to do. I have my own child to care for now, and I can't be caring for everyone else in my family who all act like children.

I am sorry this is so long, but I'm just so frusterated, I just needed to let it out. I hope someone is up tonight, and can give me some advice. I know I just need to leave their problems alone, and I will. I just feel really bad for my sisters, and I just wanted some support. Thanks for listening.

matters

Welcome to the board Jessa!

I am so glad you found us! This is a wonderful place to come and read or vent. There are alot of great people here. I just got home alittle while ago because I worked 3-12. You will get alot of good advise here. Later today I am sure that more people will respond to your post. I just wondered if you have ever attended a Alanon meeting?

Please know that there is nothing you can do to force your parents to get help. I am truley sorry for all the pain and termoil that they have brought to your life! Take care of YOU and your family. That is a blessing that you have your beautiful daughter and a great man in your life.

Wanting the best for your sisters is understandable, but then again THEY have to want to get help.

Prayers heading your way,
matters

Jessa

Thanks for responding Matters. I have never been to an al anon meeting, but I probibly should. Lord knows my parents have left alot of scars on me. I know I just have to let them deal with their own problems. I just can't help feeling that guilt that I should be doing something. As for my sisters, I feel very sorry for them, but they are 17 and 18, and almost grown. They can move out and start their own lives. I hope they go down the right path.

I am very blessed that I have my fiance and daughter. I feel alot better because I woke him up and cried to him for a few minuites.

Thanks again for listening and responding.

matters

Jessa, go to the top of the Alanon board and read the sticky posts. There is alot of good reading and great advice. This will help you alot!!

Sending hugs to you to ease your frustration! You have no reason to feel guilty. You did what you could for them.
matters

cindyintn

Hi, Jessa.
Welcome! I'm new here, too. There are so many helpful people in this site.
I also suggest that you try al-anon. Maybe your sisters should try al-a-teen. As for your father, maybe al-anon would be helpful to him....or maybe some couseling. Sounds to me like he's just given up and doesn't know where to turn. I'm sure your mom's drinking has taken a pretty good toll on him. Have you tried talking to him in your home?
I also suggest having a family meeting. That way all of you could sit down and have a discussion on this matter. It would be a good way to vent feelings. (our family does it).
Good luck and keep us posted!
Cindy

JT

Jessa,

Something in your post jumped out at me. You said that you had siblings that were alcoholic but you are not. Niether am I.

All my young adult life I was so grateful that I was "fine" in spite of them all. I was the one that escaped. When I was 40 I had a major codependent meltdown and went to Alanon as a result. You see I was not fine. I was as affected as my siblings who drank...the only difference is that I did not become addicted to a substance. I was addicted to fixing, to running the world. I was a codependent.

I am only going by what you said about yourself and your tendency to be drawn in and try to fix and your experience growing up in an alcoholic family. I could have avoided causing myself alot of pain by going to Alanon sooner in my life. This is what I wish for you and yours. You sound so much like me.

(((Hugs)))
JT

Daffodil

Jessa,

Welcome...I can completey understand what you're going through..I was the fixer in my family for 45 years, then I got really physically ill. My doctor ,bless him, told me it was all stress related...sent me to a counciler who was very knowledgeable about the family disease of alcoholism....I thank my H.P. whom I choose to call God for them. It got me to Al-Anon...

I truly hope and pray that it won't take you that many years to get the love and support I now get on a daily basis.

There is a ton of recovery right here on these boards, with people who understand...

Becoming the healthiest you, is the very best gift you can give to your daughter.

Keep coming back...